On the Edge

[feistyfox]

Title: On the Edge
Author: FeistyFox
Rating: M
Pairing: DG/Cain
Summary: The kid could only teeter on the edge for so long before she fell off .

Chapter 18
Disclaimer: Tin Man is in no way my property.

Twisting he looped his arm around her and dragged her to the mattress next to him. “You don’t seem to be that pleased about workin’ that out.”

“I can’t take the spell off.” Deeg was desperately trying to hide what she was feeling.

“You couldn’t take it off before. What’s the problem?”

“No, Wyatt.” Sitting up she lost the fight of keeping her anxiety away and began to run her hand through her hair in agitation. “I mean I can’t take it off.”

“Why?”

Deeg sighed and gazed into his eyes nervously. “You said it stung when the magic affected you? Like electricity?” He nodded. “It wasn’t like electricity. It was built up pain.” He frowned and waited for her to continue. When she did he could tell she was terribly uncomfortable. “Wyatt, the suit, it had a spell on it to keep you alive without food or water. It was supposed to torment you. It was part of the magic. It… I think the spell seeped into you because you were in there too long. That’s why I can’t remove the one I put on you. I told my light to keep you safe no matter what. It’s trying to neutralize the spell from the suit but I don’t think it can get rid of it completely. The pain you were feeling before was suppressed when my magic transferred to you. If I take the spell off the pain will come back.”

He stared at her for a second not sure what he was feeling. “And the shocks?”

She licked her lips. “Somehow the spell is still connected to me and the rest of my magic. It’s taking some of mine to maintain the spell. When you siphoned my magic away to use it for other things the spell, the dark one, took over while my light gave you what you wanted. It hurt because that’s what the dark spell was designed to do. It felt like a shock because the soreness you would feel continually built up and snapped over you fast and hard before the protection spell kicked back in again. It hit every nerve ending in your body like real electricity would. It’s how you interpreted the pain.”

“How am I using your magic to get things?”

“You said you wanted to get me the flower and I can only assume you wanted to know why I was having nightmares. Did you want those things or did you feel like you needed them to stay safe? I told you the spell wasn’t specific. It could interpret things in a way I never would have told it to.”

“Why would I need a flower to…” He trailed off. Had he needed a flower? No, but he needed Deeg. She had been moving into his room at the time and he felt he needed her to be content to stay with him. Hadn’t the visions of what had happened to her been the same? He needed to know what was wrong to fix it and she wouldn’t tell him. He had been afraid she would leave. That had made him feel anything but stable. It had frightened him, and badly. He had already lost one woman he loved and it had nearly killed him. If he lost her he wasn’t sure what he would do. Keeping her made him feel safe.

Sweet Ozma. The spell wasn’t just keeping him physically safe. It was keeping him emotionally safe. She had said she had asked it to keep him with Jeb, but had that been her exact thought process or had she thought something more along the lines of keeping him with his family? At the time she couldn’t have known she already was family to him but the magic had picked up on it. She had bound herself to him as tightly as she had the spell. “It wasn’t them I needed to be safe.”

“Then I might be wrong about-“

Pulling her back down he kissed her. “You aren’t wrong.” He didn’t want to continue because he didn’t want her to feel trapped. Her blue eyes looked up at him and he brushed her hair out of her eyes. “The spell works the way you said.”

“Wyatt, if I take it off it’ll hurt you again.” Something he couldn’t identify was racing over her eyes. “I don’t want you to hurt but I don’t know how to stop it any other way. I can’t take it off.”

He kissed her tenderly. “I told you before it didn’t bother me that your spell was on me. A few seconds of pain is a far cry better than constant agony. Why are you so edgy?”

Her hand came up and stroked his cheek affectionately as something flickered in her eyes. “I’m not.”

Gazing down at her quietly he saw the lie. Locking his eyes on hers he held her face still. “Why are you lying to me?”

“I’m not lying.” Deeg caught his hand. “I’m not edgy.”

“Deeg.”

“Wyatt.” Her lips twitched and she arched up to kiss his jaw. He jerked his head away from her. The kid leaned back in surprise as her eyes filled with hurt.

“Deeg, you’re still lying. Distracting me isn’t goin’ to keep me from getting’ mad and if you can’t be honest with me this isn’t goin’ to work.”

The girl looked at him for a long moment before starting to twist out from under him. “Fine. I never wanted to come here to begin with.”

He snapped at her as he dragged her back. “Runnin’ isn’t goin’ to work either!”

The kid went on the defensive faster than he could blink. “Get off me!”

“Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll do whatever you want.” His eyes were flashing angrily but he kept his voice calm.

“Nothing is wrong! The spell stops you from hurting!”

“What else is it doin’, Deeg?”

“Damn it, Cain! Let it go!”

Knowing he hadn’t been wrong he held her closer. The girl was holding something back. “You know me better than that. Tell me.”

The kid was breathing heavily. “I took the pain away.”

“You said that.”

Her eyes flashed in frustration. “I took it. It’s mine now.”

Freezing he stared down at her. “What?” He shook her in agitation. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You don’t hurt and I don’t sleep. That was the trade off.”

His response to that information was immediate. “Take it off.”

“No.” Her jaw was set stubbornly and he nearly started yelling.

“Right now.” It was an order and he had meant it to come out that way.

“No.” Her voice softened and she put her hand on his face. “I won’t let you hurt anymore. Ten years was too much.”

“I’m not goin’ to let you torture yourself!”

“You’re not letting me do anything. This is my choice. I’m not taking it off, Wyatt. I’ll think of something.”

“You’ll think of something? You’ve had a year to think of something!” He was starting to panic. He was supposed to keep her safe and all he’d done was make everything worse.

The kid was desperately trying to sooth him. “I didn’t know what was the matter. Now I do. Besides, with the tea I can sleep. Calm down.”

“I’m not about to calm down! I’m-“

“What?” She looked at him with her big blue eyes. “What are you about to do? Yell? Rant? Leave?” She brushed her thumb over his temple with more tenderness than he had ever experienced. “It doesn’t matter what you do. It won’t make me change my mind. Do what you need to.” Kissing his cheek she let him go and began to get off the bed.

Holding her he pressed his cheek against hers and growled in frustration. “Why are you doin’ this, DG?”

“For the same reason you would.” Deeg began to curl up around him. Her leg wrapped over his and her hands went around him until they found the nape of his neck. The kid started to rub him again and he lowered his head to her shoulder while he tried to work out how to get her to take off the spell. Her breathing hitched for half a moment. “Because I love you.”

His entire body tightened at the soft declaration. Lifting his head he gazed down at her with gentle eyes. “Deeg.”

She smiled up at him. “Didn’t take me that long to say after all.”

Brushing her hair through his fingers he shook his head. “What am I goin’ to do with you?”

“Trust me. I’ll figure this out. I always figure out something.”

Leaning down he kissed her nose. “Those somethings of yours tend to involve us jumping off cliffs, nearly getting’ eaten, bein’ lost in mazes, or stayin’ up most of the night with Glitch’s brain.”

“Yeah, but those things all worked out.” Her eyes twinkled. “And usually with much better results than I expect. After all when I opened that tin box a crazy wild man fell out on me. Look at you now. All spruced up and nearly sane.”

Rolling his eyes tickled her ribs. “Nearly?”

“Don’t even try to fool yourself. A normal man would never be able to deal with me.”

Chuckling he laid his head on her shoulder again. “That’s true.”

Deeg laughed and relaxed under him. “So don’t worry so much. I’ll have to fix your back all over again.” Smiling he kissed her neck. For the moment he would take her advise. The tea was helping. For now she could sleep, and even if she couldn’t work out what was wrong surely Tutor or the queen could. That thought had most of the tension draining from him.

A few minutes later and he realized peace had settled over him, really settled, for the first time in as long as he could remember. Jeb was safe in Central City, he wasn’t worried that the country was going to crumble around them, there were no more resistance cells to answer to, no more fear that his family would get swept away in a storm, no more nightmares, no more pain, no more murderous obsessions, his grief over the losses he had suffered had mostly faded away, he at least knew why his girl wasn’t sleeping, and Deeg was wrapped around him as her sure fingers made him feel wonderfully taken care of. His arm came up to cradle her side and she kissed his hair. His mind stopped whirling a mile a minute and slowed to a drifting crawl as she touched him.

Slowly her massage turned to a gentle caress. He nuzzled her warm skin as her fingers brushed through his hair. Deeg never stopped her tranquil movements as she spoke. “You surprise me sometimes.”

“How’s that?”

“I never would have thought you’d like to hold me so much.” She scratched his scalp lightly and he rumbled. “You’re usually more standoffish.”

“We weren’t courtin’ before. Getting closer to you than I was would have been inappropriate. I was already toein’ the line. You may not have noticed but I was gettin’ looks about it from more than one person.” Laying his head back down he rubbed her side with his thumb. “I like to touch you.” It made him feel human. Touch was still a novelty to him. Even if it wasn’t he doubted he would ever tire of it. He’d been too long without the feeling of warmth or closeness. “We fit.”

He sensed her smile and went still over her. They lay like that for a long time. Her hand stroking him tenderly as he used her as a pillow as the suns shown through the window on them. Slowly his body began to react to her again and he kissed her neck softly in question. Deeg arched slightly and ran her hands down to his chest. The quiet moment had him wanting to make this soft and slow. Taking his time he touched her all over and she sighed and squirmed under his hands. They didn’t talk as they touched, simply felt each other out. Deeg gasped when he kissed her wrist and he groaned when she found a soft spot over his hip.

In a tangle of warm skin and searching lips he slid into her. The girl stifled a gasp at the intrusion and he rubbed her side as he made himself comfortable between her thighs. Sliding his arm under her shoulders he pulled her flat against him as he kissed her. She clenched around him and he groaned in response to her silent demand. Moving gently he began to drive her gradually toward her release. Deeg finally broke the silence as his name tumbled quietly from her lips. Leaning down he pressed his lips to hers briefly. “Say it again.”

Arms wrapping around his shoulders tightly she complied. “Wyatt.”

Picking up speed minutely he sucked on her neck. “Again.”

She moaned and jerked in his arms. “Wyatt.”

Growling he thrust into her as pleasure stared to build to nearly unbearable levels. “Again, Sweetheart.”

Deeg lifted her hips and let out a long moan as she came in a warm wave around him. “Wyatt!” Kissing her face rapidly he rocked into her several more times as she arched before letting himself go. Gasping he held her as close against him as he could while his own orgasm rocked through his body. Slowly going slack he started to bump his nose along her neck.

She wiggled and laughed below him as he tickled her neck. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Goofball.”

Grinning he shifted and laid down beside her again. “First I’m grumpy and now I’m goofy. Make up your mind.”

“I’m a woman. I don’t have to make up my mind.” Chuffing out a laugh he spooned her up against him. Deeg turned her head so she could see him. Her lips were quirked up at the corners and he gave her a quick peck. “Who was giving you looks?”

Smiling he stroked her arms. “Glitch, Raw, Jeb, your parents, Azkadilla, about three quarters of the soldiers stationed in the palace, the stable hands, the advisors, visitin’ dignitaries, nobles-“ She put one of her small hands on his mouth.

“I get it.” She turned in his arms. “How was I the last one to know about this?”

“Maybe you weren’t lookin’ for it.”

Deeg fell into her thoughts and that unnatural darkness that sometimes took over began to seep into her features. “Maybe.”

Catching her face he stroked her cheek. “I don’t like it when you do that.”

The kid blinked and the shadows faded away. “Do what?”

“Go away like that. I don’t know where you keep lettin’ your mind go but it isn’t anyplace good.” Tracing her jaw he tried to keep her talking. “Do you want to tell me?”

She fidgeted slightly. “It’s just Otherside stuff. I don’t think you’d be all that interested to hear it.”

“Otherside stuff or history stuff?”

The girl shifted again. “Same difference.”

“Darlin’-” He kissed her gently. “-there is nothin’ you could possible tell me that would make me think of you any differently.”

The girl avoided his eyes. “There were reasons I wasn’t looking for anything.”

Coaxing her calmly he ran one of his hands over her shoulders. “Which were?”

Deeg was clearly uncomfortable. “Do you really want to know this? Aren’t there unspoken rules about this or something?”

His eyebrows came together. “Rules? What rules?”

“Talking about past relationships? Doesn’t this make you uncomfortable?”

He thought about that for a moment. “Yes and no. Does talkin’ about Adora bother you?”

“In some ways.” She definitely wasn’t looking at him now. “But not most of the time.”

“And the other times?” Deeg shrugged and remained silent. “Sweetheart?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this.”

“Sharrin’ is part of this. I want to know you. I want to be close. We can’t do that unless we talk.”

“Alright.” She was hesitating rather badly. When she spoke he could barely hear her and everything he could hear was coated in shame. “Sometimes I feel like a poor substitute. I’m not your wife. I’m just some crazy slipper that happened to stumble over you too late to help you find her in time. Sometimes I think you never would have looked at me twice if I hadn’t let you out.” The kid had curled up as she spoke as if he were going to hit her.

Grabbing her face he pulled it up so he could look into her eyes. “You are not a substitute.”

“I know, but you asked how-“

“Adora and I had a life together for a long time. You aren’t Adora. You’re different in a lot of ways. I loved her. And I love you.” Deeg watched him silently as he tried to think of the best way to explain this. “It’s different. I’m different. I changed in the suit. When I was with Adora I was whole to begin with. When you found me you had to put the pieces back together. Thing is not all the pieces are the same anymore. The old pieces suddenly didn’t fit right so you made new ones that would put me together again. Pieces that somehow you knew would make me happy. Pieces that would help me sleep at night. Some of them might be tarnished but you don’t seem to care. That’s why I looked at you. Not because you let me out, because you kept me out.”

Deeg nodded and spoke quietly. “When I was seventeen the farm was doing well enough for my parents to hire help.” The kid paused for a second. “The man they hired seemed nice. A year later and he told me he loved me. That he wanted to marry me. I thought I loved him too. He gave me a ring.” Her eyes dulled. “We went to the closest big city one night. He said he wanted to elope and I had never wanted a big wedding. We got in late and stayed in a hotel.” Her shoulders hunched and he figured he didn’t need details about exactly what had happened. He had a pretty clear idea of what had gone on. “When I woke up the next day I was alone. I thought he went to get us breakfast or something. When he didn’t come back I realized what he had done and took a bus home. I never told anyone what happened and my parents thought he had found a better job and taken off since harvest was over. I felt so stupid. Then I spent months agonizing over what I had done wrong because I didn’t know. Then I felt stupid all over again for thinking it was my fault. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

That explained a lot. No wonder she had been so frightened of what he was offering. The last time someone had promised her love and a future they had left. Then she had found out her parents were programmed to it. Deeg hadn’t deserved that. She hadn’t deserved to be tricked or hurt for no other reason than someone wanted what was between her legs and nothing else. Deeg was worth so much more than that. He wasn’t sure she felt that way all the time. “You were thinking you loved him.”

“I should have known better.”

“You can’t help the things you feel.”

“No, but I can control my impulses.”

Kissing her forehead he rumbled. “I don’t mind those impulses.”

The kid’s lip twitched briefly. “Liar. I drive you crazy.”

Growling he pulled her under him again. “In all the right ways.”

Deeg gazed up at him questioningly. “You’re not angry with me?”

“Why would I be angry with you?” He was angry but not with her. If he ever encountered that farmhand he’d be dead before he could blink.

“Seems like you should be.”

“I’m not angry with you for being you. It’s not your fault someone you trusted hurt you. You give with everything you have. There’s no shame in that.” He stroked his hand over her forehead and into her hair. “I told you I wouldn’t think of you any differently and now you siphoned off some of the toxin in your system. Do you feel any better?”

“I’m not sure. I feel exposed.”

He considered that as he held her. “I suppose that’s normal. I feel that way around you most of the time.”

“And you’re still here?”

His lip twitched and he bent his head to kiss her neck. “Where else would I want to be?”

Author Note: Thoughts? Comments? Snuggles? Dramatic cries of horror? I love them all!