This entry is fucking stupid but I worked on it already, you can skip it though.
I really have no idea where I go from here. This plan is extremely difficult. Should I be a lawyer? Should I not? Maybe I'm too sensitive to be a lawyer? I was overnurtured as a child. What a jip.
I used to get beat up by my older guy cousins. They would play soccer, and I would want to play too, so they'd put me in as defense. I never got to touch the ball even. I was a pretty good goalie. They still bitched me around and left me alone. Then all of a sudden I had younger cousins, and I did, I did what they did to me. I beat the crap out of them, and yelled at them, and got annoyed by them. I became the tomboy cousin bully - thing that everyone hates in their family. Now I'm just Vanessa. Overnurtured. Overweight.
My cousin Christian had a drunk talk with me. He said if I ever needed "anything Vanessa I can get it". Tuition money, whatever. I guess he was trying to compensate for his own fuck-ups. Understood. If I ever get in a rut again, perhaps I will. He probably does have plenty of money, he was involved with some messy shit when I was younger, maybe he still is. Maybe he keeps those ties. Don't wanna know. I feel bad for my aunt. She doesn't need to be taking care of him like that. I would never let my mom see me drunk like that. It's a fucking family evening. I can't understand how anyone can be so ungrateful as to get piss drunk at your younger cousin's celebration. That's why I don't fucking drink like that. I detest drinking for the most part.
It always goes back to my hating men. I think seeing my aunt go through all this is what pushed me to do some of the work I do now. Why I want to be a Civil Rights Attorney for women.
So, choice made. I will be a lawyer. I guess everyone gets those moments.
Now time for some Peaches:
Who's gonna motherfucking step up?
Motherfucker, step up?
I said, who's gonna motherfucking step up?