(no subject)
hmmsss so sorry i've been out of touch of late. the new job has been keeping me busy but i'm loving it nevertheless.
sad news is i'm going out of town this weekend to NY, despite the fact that they are being pounded with snow at the moment. Grandma has been ill and no one really could figure out the problem... until Wednesday night. they figured it out and it's bad. even as i type this and look at it, i don't really even believe it. but the deal is it was found out that she has cancer and it's in an advanced stage which means that it's spread throughout her body and they estimate that she has "weeks or months" to live. whatever that means. so i guess i am going to NY to say goodbye to her which isn't conprenhensible to me. She's the only grandmother that I've ever known and we have always been very close.
for the longest time, i was able to say that I'd never really lost anyone who I was close to. Which is odd, because i have a very large close-knit family. I have like 30 first cousins and 20 some aunts and uncles. All living. I only have one set of grandparents but that's because the first set died before i was born so it wasn't really like a loss that I felt. Prior to just over a month ago, the closest person I had lost was C.D., a sorority sister but even then i have to admit, while we talked and were friendly, we weren't close friends. We didn't confide in each other. We were more aquaintences. But then Christmas day, i lost my friend Brian Lovett. I don't remember if i posted anything about him or not but he and I were very good friends. We confided in each other. He was a Safety and Security officer at Gburg College and I'd known him since junior year but we became close after i started working there. For those of you who might remember him but aren't sure, he was a Lietenant when we students. He is a tall, black man who many students knew as "wheels" because no one could out-run him. Until a few years ago that is, until he started having knee trouble. I'm still really adjusting to that. My husband worked for Security for many years and he also knew Brian very well. (basically, Brian was the only person working there who he and i truly liked and trusted, for the most part, they're all assholes) but my husband said that many years ago when they were working night shift, they had the "what I want to happen when I die" conversation. Brian said that he wanted people to get some good German beer and drink some for him. Well we did that. We got some Becks Dark. I'm not a beer fan but I have every intention of doing this for him. So when we got it... just before new years, i told husband to be sure to save me a bottle of it, which i would drink when I was ready to. well, in my fridge, that is what remains. One bottle. he drank the rest and that one sits there waiting for me. and i feel like when i drink it, that will be my time to say goodbye and... i'm just not quite ready yet. i keep opening the fridge and seeing it. i know i am going to drink it but i have to be in the right frame of mind and be ready to let it go but i'm not yet. and now with what is going on now, it's just more that i can deal with.
sad news is i'm going out of town this weekend to NY, despite the fact that they are being pounded with snow at the moment. Grandma has been ill and no one really could figure out the problem... until Wednesday night. they figured it out and it's bad. even as i type this and look at it, i don't really even believe it. but the deal is it was found out that she has cancer and it's in an advanced stage which means that it's spread throughout her body and they estimate that she has "weeks or months" to live. whatever that means. so i guess i am going to NY to say goodbye to her which isn't conprenhensible to me. She's the only grandmother that I've ever known and we have always been very close.
for the longest time, i was able to say that I'd never really lost anyone who I was close to. Which is odd, because i have a very large close-knit family. I have like 30 first cousins and 20 some aunts and uncles. All living. I only have one set of grandparents but that's because the first set died before i was born so it wasn't really like a loss that I felt. Prior to just over a month ago, the closest person I had lost was C.D., a sorority sister but even then i have to admit, while we talked and were friendly, we weren't close friends. We didn't confide in each other. We were more aquaintences. But then Christmas day, i lost my friend Brian Lovett. I don't remember if i posted anything about him or not but he and I were very good friends. We confided in each other. He was a Safety and Security officer at Gburg College and I'd known him since junior year but we became close after i started working there. For those of you who might remember him but aren't sure, he was a Lietenant when we students. He is a tall, black man who many students knew as "wheels" because no one could out-run him. Until a few years ago that is, until he started having knee trouble. I'm still really adjusting to that. My husband worked for Security for many years and he also knew Brian very well. (basically, Brian was the only person working there who he and i truly liked and trusted, for the most part, they're all assholes) but my husband said that many years ago when they were working night shift, they had the "what I want to happen when I die" conversation. Brian said that he wanted people to get some good German beer and drink some for him. Well we did that. We got some Becks Dark. I'm not a beer fan but I have every intention of doing this for him. So when we got it... just before new years, i told husband to be sure to save me a bottle of it, which i would drink when I was ready to. well, in my fridge, that is what remains. One bottle. he drank the rest and that one sits there waiting for me. and i feel like when i drink it, that will be my time to say goodbye and... i'm just not quite ready yet. i keep opening the fridge and seeing it. i know i am going to drink it but i have to be in the right frame of mind and be ready to let it go but i'm not yet. and now with what is going on now, it's just more that i can deal with.