omg, what a week................................................
Wow, have I been having a crazy crazy screwed up week. I dont even know how to begin. First, I dont want to be back at school at all so of course I go out every night and am drunk everynight, having guys buy me drinks, etc. So one night I am surprised by one of my guy friends telling me that every time he sees me he wants me. We both have (or had) significant others at the time. He drives me home and then he kisses me. We both kept saying that this was wrong and asking where it come from and such. There has always been sexual tension between us but nothing has ever happened and I have never wanted anything to happen. But this night something was different. We were always together at the bars and he was all over me. He even told his friend that he wants me whenever he sees me. So, of course his friend starts taking pictures of the two of us. Which means that the girls who's birthday it is will have more of me and this guy than of her. So then he kisses me and I know its wrong but at the time I want him. Nothing happenes beyond that kiss and I go inside to my house. I tell Eric and he is obviously upset and hurt and doesnt know what is happening and if I still love him. I reassure him but he doesnt believe me and so we have problems, even though before this incident our relationship was glorious. So then five days later I go out again, the day before I started student teaching and of course I get drunk off my ass. And I end up at the guys house that kissed me and he kissed another of our friends that night, not his girlfriend, so I'm telling him he needs to watch himself because thats not right. I'm really not interested in him at all so it's not like I was jealous, I just want him to realize that if he really likes his girlfriend he needs to figure his shit out. So he goes up to bed and I walk home. I am too drunk to walk home but I do anyways but when I see a friend I ask him to walk me home the rest of the way. This is the guy that took all the pictures of me the other night. He walks me home and then he sexually assualts me. I make him get his pants back on and tell him to leave but the only way he actually does is when his girlfreind calls him What the fuck is up with that?! So obviously I am in shambles because of that and two days later Eric decides he needs a break. So I am holding up as best I can but I dont know what to do and I have major senioritis and cant do make work and am scared shitless about being resposible for all the little fourth graders in my class. How am I supposed to teach them everything they need to know? Holy shit. I just rambled on and on for no reason and I dont even think it makes sense because its probably just phrases and not full sentences.