WHY?!?!
apparently WHY is the popular subject of the day....well, ive ultimately decided, 4 now, that the best thing is just 2 be friends w/ danny, and hopefully josh too...idk how long thatll last, or if we'll ever date, but 4 now, we're friends. things got tooo weird n bad things happen. horrible things....btw DRINKING IS BAD!!! 4 those of u who do not know!!! morgan if u read this, i denounce myself as ur role model!! okay?! sigh...u know what? im thinkin of just takin a day, maybe 2, and goin 2 the beach by myself...if not by myself then w/ just casey. i guess ill go wed or thurs since im already off 4 those days. i was thinkin how awesome/awkward it would be me, josh, matt, n casey still went like we planned....i mean, i realllllllly miss hangin out w/ them. i mean patrick, morgan, danny, blake dewayne, n everybody else r awesome too, but they dont have what casey n matt n josh do, NO OFFENSE 2 NE1!!! but i mean, ive been closest w/ them longer than i have w/ the other crew...i love them all regardless. newho, i cant wait 4 band/college 2 start. i need something 2 do sooo bad. all i have time 2 do is think n work. next thurs is my last day!!! woohoo!! i keep thinking of all the horrible things ive done n all the ppl ive hurt. i need 2 get busy n just stay away from every1....omg u know what?!?! i have been eating like a psycho....i hate bein bored bc all i wanna do it eat, like right now im full, but i wanna eat a muffin....lol. newho, u know what i worry abt the most? josh being alone....i hope hes hangin out w/ sum1...ne1. i dont fully understand what he meant in his lj abt being "done". done w/ what? done w/ me 4 good? done w/ not talkin 2 me? done missin me?? I DONT KNOW!!! but i do know that i made some horrible, evil, twisted attempts @ getting over him.....which didnt work. have u ever seen "someone like you"? i feel like Eddie, the character Hugh Jackman plays. 2day i drove around 4 like hours. i went wayyyyyyyyyyy the fuck down greenwell springs road doin like 90 mph. windows down n sad music blaring. it was quite therapeutic. i wanted 2 see where the road ended...but it didnt. so eventually i turned around. i wanted sooo bad 2 just keep driving and never come back. just 2 get away....i suppose thats what ill be doin when i move 2 lsu. i cant wait. oh! morgan sold me her hammock chair/swing thing for $30. more than she paid 4 it but i owe her alot neway. shes such a great kid, i hope she doesnt take this role model thing seriously. i want 2 cry every minute of every day.....but i cant. i think i ran out of tears. now im just emotionally cut off. i cant feel nething,..i dont care abt nething. well i do, but.....idk. i cant think of what im tryin 2 say. oh! i didnt tell u abt the DeWayne-ness....blake n danny officially dubbed me the "beginner DeWayne". lol. they r soooooooo freakin funny. blake cracks me up. he is nuts!!! newho, once again ive noticed how i keep jumping from 1 subject 2 another. danny n blake r goin 2 da texas club 2nite...im sure they'll get hit on. i realy hope one day danny finds sum1 he deserves. i wish the same 4 josh....uuuugggghhhh i keep thinkin abt all the things i had w/ him....football games, sr trip, swimming, goin 2 the park that 1 time.....sigh. idk what im gunna do wed....the day that was supposed 2 be our anniversary....:(. i want 2 see him sooo bad, but then again im afraid 2. i wonder if we broke up 4 the right reasons...then again i cant do nething right. NOTHING!!! either way sum1 gets hurt. ugh this is pathetic...im makin this so long so i can have an excuse 2 wait 4 u 2 get online....but i guess ur not. serves me right. idk if emailin u was what u meant by the 1st step, but i did it...i always have. i guess ill go now.....if ne1 wants 2 call feel free 2 do so on my dads cell.....ttyl