I can't be alone...i need someone in my life
hey.wow so this fuckin blows.My mind is completley consumed with thoughts of Aren and i wanna pull my brain out so they go away.I went out tonight with Amanda and Kim and we were driving through the bloomigdale square parkin lot and we're about to get out on bell shoals and guess who comes driving by ( looking really good as usual damn it)..well if you guessed aren you'd be right.I was in a really good mood and then i saw him and i was all fuckin depressed the rest of the night.I hate being like this.I wish i could meet someone already so i can move on.And i hate the fact that he's with alyssa..( again i don't have anything against alyssa)..i would hate it if he was with anyone really..but it's just someone i know and that bugs me more cause i know she's cute and likable.so there is a small chance of him getting annoyed and dumping her.I mean seriously since monday i havent stopped thinking about him and i'm about to go insane.Amanda told me i feel like this just because i can't have him and that makes me want it even more.i really need to see him to know for sure or not..like seeing him withh 100% let me know if there are actual feelings or if amanda is right.So at some point next week or maybe sunday i'm gonna call him and ask him to come over so we can talk.that way when i see him i'll know almost instantly if i still like him.It would suck if i did tho cause he's got alyssa now.But i have to be happy for him as much as i don't wanna be.This is getting to be way too much to handle..i liked it so much better when i didn't give a fuck about guys feelings and i didn't have a heart to be broken.gosh and i just keep thinking all of this could have been avoided if i wouldn't have been so blinded by trevor and influenced by him and broken up with aren.*sigh* i don't want to think about this anymore..i'm going to bed and hopefully not dreaming of aren..again.night.