Came to a conclusion....
So, I've come to a conclusion about the whole situation that has been driving me crazy for the last 10 days or so.
It's all bullshit. I'm not going to sit around and be his when it becomes convient for him. It's not fair to me. It's better to be in a rough relationship then be stringing along, not knowing what's going on. It sucks. And my heart aches. But it's not fair for me to "be around" like he wants me to be, when he can't call me, or IM me, or text me. It's been 5 days since I've talked to him (that includes not talking online, phone, and more then 3 consecutive texts) and I hvan't since him in 8. It's not fair. I don't need to see him each and every day, and I don't need to talk to him each and every day... but asking me to go 5 days without talking to you is a strech, and not something that I am ready to do. So, I'm not going to do it. Simple as that.
I love him, and I hope that he knows that, and I do want to stay friends with him, but at the same time I hope he understands where I am coming from. And I hope he can forgive me and we can still be friends.
At some point in time, it would have been great, and maybe at some point it will be, but right now it's not going to work. I can't do it. It makes me want to cry as I admit to that, but it's the best and worst thing that I've done since March.
But I'm sick. I hate being sick. My head hurts. My nose hurts. It's runny. My throat hurts. My tummy hurts. I'm thirsty. I keep peeing. I am starving. I have no appetitate. Grr... I can never be satisified.