To sum it up
We are heading toward the New Year, and it's time to look back and compare with the person who started this year.
What have I learned? Well, aside from the obvious "look before you jump out of windows", this year has been about personal discovery.
I have assessed my relationship with physical pain, and it appears I can take more than most. I always thought that pain threshold thing was a load of bull, but after having observed my fellow inmates at the hospital as well as having heard other people's inevitable stories, I've come to the conclusion that either the world is full of sissies or I'm heading towards hard-ass territory. I'm still leaning toward the first sentiment, but I suppose in a way that only serves to prove the second. Or so I keep telling myself.
In that vein, my friends have learned that if I'm complaining, however ardently and colorfully, I am just fine. It's when I get quiet they should be very concerned.
I've learned to accept myself, warts and all. I am one messy girl, and making excuses about it changes nothing. I'm so flaky I'd forget my own head if it wasn't attached to me. To quote Phoebe from Friends, I am chaotic and twirly, and I know now that it's not about whether that is a good thing or not. It just is. It's who I am. It's part of my outlook on life.
And speaking of outlook, that got put in perspective too through the broken leg experience. I was talking to someone who felt so sorry for me, and I told him not to. I told him stories about the random craziness that seems to seek me out and concluded that weird things happen to me because of who I am, just as I jump out of windows and break my leg because that's who I am, and therefore I will gladly take a broken leg any day in exchange for being kissed by a random stranger in the street. I wouldn't be without any of those experiences, because I can't imagine that one can exist without the other. Everything's a trade-off in my world, and everything evens out. Besides, breaking a leg was a hassle, but I never really considered it a negative experience. It was just a consequence, and I think I got off cheap.
I've learned to exercize minimum tolerance of negativity. If you get me down, I will change the subject or walk away. It's not that I don't care about your problems, but bumming me out helps no one. I believe in tough love and will dispense it if you ask me to. I will be your cheerleader, but only if you cheer up.
I've learned that I have a formidable defense system when it comes to relating to other people and men especially. It's cleverly disguised as an open heart, but make no mistake. There's a line in the sand. Or maybe more like I mote. I wasn't even aware of this until I had one of my strange dreams lately, and woke up seeing the whole picture for the first time, which blew me away. My fort is awe-inspiring, y'all. There are booby-traps and fake doors, and stairs that lead to nowhere. The really cool part came with the knowledge that it all comes down the second I decide to. I still hold the key, something I haven't always been too sure of. This is the part where Maria laughs at me and tells me I'm really not that complicated.
2006 brought many changes. Almost everyone around me has suffered a loss of some kind, making it a year heavy to bear. It seemed cruel, but I think it was one of those years that was supposed to make an impact. Some years just blow by and you hardly notice, but this one came to change and to teach. What we take away from it is up to us.
May 2007 bring you wisdom and contentment, and guide you on your path.