I'll thank you not to handle me with kid gloves

[tinkcph]

Yesterday was Sven's dad's 80th birthday party. It was an excellent bash, although the weather was entirely too hot to be anywhere in fancy clothes, and sitting inside to eat was a bit of an ordeal. The long table cloth felt like a duvet over our legs, and although windows and doors were open, there was hardly a breeze. Still, a good time was had

Comments

[gammameta]

Ugh. She took the wrong lesson from your offense.

I don't know if you watch Veep, but this reminds me of part of an episode where the Vice President has traveled to Finland and is meeting the Finnish Prime Minster.

Finnish P.M.: >In fact, it is the presumption of offense that has offended me.

Vice President: >Oh, well, no offense was intended.

Finnish P.M.: >But your communications director apologized specifically to me. This gives the impression that I am somehow humorless or petty.
I am neider.

Finnish P.M.'s Husband: > - She is neider.

Vice President: > - No, she's neider.

And there is the very surface (yet hilarious, because the actors are so good at this type of comedy) joke that the Finns pronounce the word 'neither' with an accent and that the V.P. is so placatory, that she pronounces it that way too.

And that these people from different nations/backgrounds are all attempting to communicate with each other without giving offense and are failing because they don't know each other.

And that communication is just hard, right? Because assumptions are all over the place.

And I feel like the intention was good originally, right? But her assumptions and judgments are what is offensive. Because it implies that something in you, in your state of childlessness (which is a terrible term...though I'm not sure if I prefer child-free), is also wrong, or undesirable.

So either you need to talk about it a lot more. Or she's right that you shouldn't talk about it at all.

And so I come back round to: communication is hard. Even when you know each other. Ugh.

[tinkcph]

I'm not even really mad at my SIL. She told me with the best of intentions. She missed the point toward the end, that's fine, I'll talk her through it some other day. I'm not mad at Sven's sister either.

What I'm pissed about is the discourse happening behind my back. The "don't tell Tink, because she has no babies of her own-"thing. Like I'm some tragic old maid who can't possibly understand anyone's situation but my own.

Sven's sister's abortion has nothing to do with me. I'm annoyed that they're inferring that it somehow does, because she's "blessed" and I'm "not."

But yes. Assumptions. Communication in the face of assumptions. Ugh. I wish people would actually listen, instead of being so busy pitying me.