2014 recap
I've been working on this entry for over a week, and I keep abandoning it... Thing is, I don't really want to talk about 2014.
I read back over my past year's entries, and if there's one word I can find to define this year, it's 'powerlessness.' It feels like this year was just an onslaught of outside influences, doing their damndest to turn my insides into knots of rage, stress, irritation, madness, sorrow. I feel like I started out with little to no surplus of energy, and that was pretty much the high point. I spent most of this year being so angry, and it's just an exhausting way to live.
But ok. Let's do some bullet points:
- My dad got sick, which was awful, and then got treatment, which was worse, and then he got better. At least for now. My mom is now convinced that he has Chronic Obstructive Lung Disease (COLD) and probably also diabetes, because he's in terrible shape and has to get up to pee at night. Which is what happens when you grow old, and also don't move around a lot. Which he hasn't for the past 15-20 years. I feel like I'm just watching this train wreck in slow motion, and there's not a single thing I can do about it. But knowing my dad, he'll live forever.
- My BFF's mom died. It was so sad, and much too soon, and just really, really tragic. I handled it with my usual idiocy in these situations. I am the worst in the face of mourning. I mean, truly, what do you say to a friend who just lowered his mom into the ground? There are no words. The world is a chaotic, unfair place.
- We stayed overnight in a castle for Sven's brother's 50th birthday. Right on a lake. I was pretty rad, and I kind of really want to go back for an extended weekend, and sit in a stupid boat on that stupid lake and just... be. In the sunlight.
- Our vacation was pretty awesome. It was only four days, but we saw so many great things, and we relaxed, and had the best time. I love it when Sven unwinds enough to not sweat the small stuff. We were wound so tight last summer that every little reprieve felt like 2 weeks on a tropical island.
- I got to hang out with dutchxfan twice this year, which is always a treat!
- Aaaand the rest of the year was mired in work, work, and more work.
I will say this: I've come out stronger because of it. I feel like I've moved a mountain, and that I could do it again, although I'd very much prefer not to, ever again, thank you. I've experienced stress this year on a level I've never encountered before. One thing is running ragged trying to keep up. Another is watching your world crumble beneath your feet, and knowing that your only option is to keep climbing, no matter how exhausted you feel, and whatever else is thrown at you.
I choose to consider this year an investment. Much of the madness was caused by changing our invoicing system, but I've seen how relatively quickly I was able to catch up with it, so I feel very confident that I made the right decision.
If I have one goal for 2015, it will be that when people ask me what's up, I can give an answer that is not work-related.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Happy New Year, darlings!
I read back over my past year's entries, and if there's one word I can find to define this year, it's 'powerlessness.' It feels like this year was just an onslaught of outside influences, doing their damndest to turn my insides into knots of rage, stress, irritation, madness, sorrow. I feel like I started out with little to no surplus of energy, and that was pretty much the high point. I spent most of this year being so angry, and it's just an exhausting way to live.
But ok. Let's do some bullet points:
- My dad got sick, which was awful, and then got treatment, which was worse, and then he got better. At least for now. My mom is now convinced that he has Chronic Obstructive Lung Disease (COLD) and probably also diabetes, because he's in terrible shape and has to get up to pee at night. Which is what happens when you grow old, and also don't move around a lot. Which he hasn't for the past 15-20 years. I feel like I'm just watching this train wreck in slow motion, and there's not a single thing I can do about it. But knowing my dad, he'll live forever.
- My BFF's mom died. It was so sad, and much too soon, and just really, really tragic. I handled it with my usual idiocy in these situations. I am the worst in the face of mourning. I mean, truly, what do you say to a friend who just lowered his mom into the ground? There are no words. The world is a chaotic, unfair place.
- We stayed overnight in a castle for Sven's brother's 50th birthday. Right on a lake. I was pretty rad, and I kind of really want to go back for an extended weekend, and sit in a stupid boat on that stupid lake and just... be. In the sunlight.
- Our vacation was pretty awesome. It was only four days, but we saw so many great things, and we relaxed, and had the best time. I love it when Sven unwinds enough to not sweat the small stuff. We were wound so tight last summer that every little reprieve felt like 2 weeks on a tropical island.
- I got to hang out with dutchxfan twice this year, which is always a treat!
- Aaaand the rest of the year was mired in work, work, and more work.
I will say this: I've come out stronger because of it. I feel like I've moved a mountain, and that I could do it again, although I'd very much prefer not to, ever again, thank you. I've experienced stress this year on a level I've never encountered before. One thing is running ragged trying to keep up. Another is watching your world crumble beneath your feet, and knowing that your only option is to keep climbing, no matter how exhausted you feel, and whatever else is thrown at you.
I choose to consider this year an investment. Much of the madness was caused by changing our invoicing system, but I've seen how relatively quickly I was able to catch up with it, so I feel very confident that I made the right decision.
If I have one goal for 2015, it will be that when people ask me what's up, I can give an answer that is not work-related.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Happy New Year, darlings!