Vehicular Manslaughter - how about don't.
Dear fellow drivers.
There are a couple of things I think we need to address. A few personal favors I'd like to ask of you, if you will.
1) Please use your mirrors. They are not solely a decorative feature on your super snazzy Suzuki Liana.
B) STOP AIMING FOR ME! - Or whatever you can call it when you're clearly not seeing me at all and just throwing your car straight into my path. - Twice in as many days, guys. It's really bad form. It is also not a clever thing to do, my lovely may(hem) flower. I hate to break it to you but, unless you're driving a big-ass semi-truck, our two cars going head-to-head will not result in YOU walking away. Just putting that out there. I might cause ME some distress that I've accidentally killed your stupid ass, and I would be really super bummed that you fucked up my car.
iii) Think ahead. Plan your trajectory. I mean, it's the morning commute. I assume you know where you're going. Even if you don't, the road signs are there to help and guide you. They're quite informative, several kilometers ahead. So if you know you're connecting to another highway that has a ramp on the RIGHT side of the motorway (because the arrows on the signs AND directly ON the road are pretty clear on this), it might be prudent to hang out in one of the right lanes? Instead of alllll the way over in the left lane, only to PANIC and try to muscle your way across four lanes of traffic in the space of 20 meters while going 120km. The rest of us have no idea where you're going. Your actions are not logical, and can not be anticipated. Believe me, I would rather give you space than fear for my life, but you have to tell me these things. Which brings me to...
part the last) Remember when we talked about your mirrors? Same goes for your blinkers. Not just an unnecessary ornamental doodad like your speedometer and/or your brakes. (I know, nobody likes those. Why are they even there, ammiright? *wink-wink-nudge-nudge*) Want me to help you out, give you some space, anticipate your next erratic murder attempt? Switch that fucker on. Indicate, my little self-centered mini-weenie. I know it makes an annoying clicking sound, but it's still preferable to a sickening crunch, yes?
In conclusion: I would really appreciate it if I could get my lily white posterior to work in an unharmed fashion, likewise leaving my beautiful piece of machinery in one piece. I would really appreciate if everyone else could too, because it's drivers like you that cause all those idiotic pileups, and believe me, you're not just ruining YOUR day when that happens. It's all of us, stuck on the motorways or desperately finding alternate routes while people much smarter than you have to scrape your moronic brains off the tarmac, and tow away what's left of your car. And the others, which held mothers and fathers, siblings and grandparents, LOVED ONES! Whose only crime was being in your path. Whom YOU took away because of YOUR selfish, imbecilic, talentless, "driving" - yes, I'm using that term very losely!
Think a little farther than the tip of your own goddamn nose. Getting ONE car further ahead is not that important.
And remember, driving a Smart Car does not boost your intelligence by osmosis. It is just a word. It does, apparently, make you fearless. But not smart. Definitely not smart.
There are a couple of things I think we need to address. A few personal favors I'd like to ask of you, if you will.
1) Please use your mirrors. They are not solely a decorative feature on your super snazzy Suzuki Liana.
B) STOP AIMING FOR ME! - Or whatever you can call it when you're clearly not seeing me at all and just throwing your car straight into my path. - Twice in as many days, guys. It's really bad form. It is also not a clever thing to do, my lovely may(hem) flower. I hate to break it to you but, unless you're driving a big-ass semi-truck, our two cars going head-to-head will not result in YOU walking away. Just putting that out there. I might cause ME some distress that I've accidentally killed your stupid ass, and I would be really super bummed that you fucked up my car.
iii) Think ahead. Plan your trajectory. I mean, it's the morning commute. I assume you know where you're going. Even if you don't, the road signs are there to help and guide you. They're quite informative, several kilometers ahead. So if you know you're connecting to another highway that has a ramp on the RIGHT side of the motorway (because the arrows on the signs AND directly ON the road are pretty clear on this), it might be prudent to hang out in one of the right lanes? Instead of alllll the way over in the left lane, only to PANIC and try to muscle your way across four lanes of traffic in the space of 20 meters while going 120km. The rest of us have no idea where you're going. Your actions are not logical, and can not be anticipated. Believe me, I would rather give you space than fear for my life, but you have to tell me these things. Which brings me to...
part the last) Remember when we talked about your mirrors? Same goes for your blinkers. Not just an unnecessary ornamental doodad like your speedometer and/or your brakes. (I know, nobody likes those. Why are they even there, ammiright? *wink-wink-nudge-nudge*) Want me to help you out, give you some space, anticipate your next erratic murder attempt? Switch that fucker on. Indicate, my little self-centered mini-weenie. I know it makes an annoying clicking sound, but it's still preferable to a sickening crunch, yes?
In conclusion: I would really appreciate it if I could get my lily white posterior to work in an unharmed fashion, likewise leaving my beautiful piece of machinery in one piece. I would really appreciate if everyone else could too, because it's drivers like you that cause all those idiotic pileups, and believe me, you're not just ruining YOUR day when that happens. It's all of us, stuck on the motorways or desperately finding alternate routes while people much smarter than you have to scrape your moronic brains off the tarmac, and tow away what's left of your car. And the others, which held mothers and fathers, siblings and grandparents, LOVED ONES! Whose only crime was being in your path. Whom YOU took away because of YOUR selfish, imbecilic, talentless, "driving" - yes, I'm using that term very losely!
Think a little farther than the tip of your own goddamn nose. Getting ONE car further ahead is not that important.
And remember, driving a Smart Car does not boost your intelligence by osmosis. It is just a word. It does, apparently, make you fearless. But not smart. Definitely not smart.