sadness at the moment
i feel so disconnected from my mom's family right now. and its not all my fault and i don't know how to fix it.
my grandmother hates me. and she loves my brother.
and she doesn't know me or ask the right questions or say the right things.
and i want to say the things she wants to hear to make this all better.
and i want to unknow the things i know about her.
she never wanted me.
NEVER.
and she feels guilty.
but me having grown up like i am, for her its like she was right.
because i was more pain and heartache than i had a right to be.
or somem stupid nonesense.
i fucking hate these hormones.
guys really have it easy.
its not fun feeling crazy and unpredictable and sad and insane all together without being in controll of yourself.