Adam and Sarah and Gray
Adam and i talked for a little bit on facebook. and it hurt so much i cried. and so ive decided that im never going to do that again if i can help it.
Sarah is a bitch. and i wish right now that i had the ability to hurt her. and i know that is a terrible thing to wish. she and adam are talking. and she acts like she never hated him. and he acts like he never told her those truthful, hurtful things. and i want to call her and just say he picked me bitch. and hang up. and i hate that i feel bad.
i've hooked up with gray twice in four days. i talked to jesse about it last night. im dumb. i enjoy it so much. it was perfect. both times.
also. i got high for the first time. i was crossfaded. it was okay. gray wants me to get just high with him, but i said we can either get high or fool around. even though im sure i would fool around with him high again.
anyway. i want to be happy. i want to just have fun and not care what other people are doing together, and not care about what goes on without me. and not think about my actions.
and i dont want my morals to change, but i DONT like feeling like a whore. when i know that im not. and that its ok to do what i want.
i feel so exposed to him now. and it scares me. and it scares me that i exposed myself to someone that i dont know very well and that doesnt care about me and that i dont want to care about. i just want inner peace. and i dont know how to find it.
all the things ive always wanted or thought ive wanted dont seem to make sense for my life anymore. and that scares me. i dont know what to do about any of these feelings except the ones about gray. for that the solution is simple, continue sleeping with him and feeling that contentness and serenity for a few hours and hope it compensates for the rest of well, everything.
Sarah is a bitch. and i wish right now that i had the ability to hurt her. and i know that is a terrible thing to wish. she and adam are talking. and she acts like she never hated him. and he acts like he never told her those truthful, hurtful things. and i want to call her and just say he picked me bitch. and hang up. and i hate that i feel bad.
i've hooked up with gray twice in four days. i talked to jesse about it last night. im dumb. i enjoy it so much. it was perfect. both times.
also. i got high for the first time. i was crossfaded. it was okay. gray wants me to get just high with him, but i said we can either get high or fool around. even though im sure i would fool around with him high again.
anyway. i want to be happy. i want to just have fun and not care what other people are doing together, and not care about what goes on without me. and not think about my actions.
and i dont want my morals to change, but i DONT like feeling like a whore. when i know that im not. and that its ok to do what i want.
i feel so exposed to him now. and it scares me. and it scares me that i exposed myself to someone that i dont know very well and that doesnt care about me and that i dont want to care about. i just want inner peace. and i dont know how to find it.
all the things ive always wanted or thought ive wanted dont seem to make sense for my life anymore. and that scares me. i dont know what to do about any of these feelings except the ones about gray. for that the solution is simple, continue sleeping with him and feeling that contentness and serenity for a few hours and hope it compensates for the rest of well, everything.