Im staying
My plan for this year was to live with my grandparents, go to school, have a job, and most importantly play mommy to my toddler nieces. I made all the plans, my grandparents were relieved that they would have help, i was excited because i love nothing as much as i love kids.
but im not going.
today will be a day of phone calls and crying and stress.
i have to call my grandma and tell her there isnt any help coming after all.
i have to call my boss and ask if i can pretty please have my job back as my dad has decided to let my brother come home.
i have already registered for four classes, starting monday, isnt that in like three ish days?
i have to make up with my best friend, probably apologise, even though i have no idea what it is she thinks i said wrong.
i have to pretend to an amazing guy that im still leaving for oregon on saturday because i realised i am a bitch and a tease and i cant stand to be around him. it makes me itch.
i have to clean excessively. because if i dont, i will feel like there are no good changes going on, i will feel like a failure. tomorrow i can feel purged.
i have to find some way to feel happy or at least purposeful and im not enthused about that one at all.
i need to do 4 loads of laundry.
i have to buy toilet paper. the ferrets shit everywhere. so much for potty training.
i want to take a bath and fall asleep in it and wake up pruny and disgusting and feel like at least my outsides match my insides.
i feel like a terrible person.
breathe...breathe...breathe...
right.
but im not going.
today will be a day of phone calls and crying and stress.
i have to call my grandma and tell her there isnt any help coming after all.
i have to call my boss and ask if i can pretty please have my job back as my dad has decided to let my brother come home.
i have already registered for four classes, starting monday, isnt that in like three ish days?
i have to make up with my best friend, probably apologise, even though i have no idea what it is she thinks i said wrong.
i have to pretend to an amazing guy that im still leaving for oregon on saturday because i realised i am a bitch and a tease and i cant stand to be around him. it makes me itch.
i have to clean excessively. because if i dont, i will feel like there are no good changes going on, i will feel like a failure. tomorrow i can feel purged.
i have to find some way to feel happy or at least purposeful and im not enthused about that one at all.
i need to do 4 loads of laundry.
i have to buy toilet paper. the ferrets shit everywhere. so much for potty training.
i want to take a bath and fall asleep in it and wake up pruny and disgusting and feel like at least my outsides match my insides.
i feel like a terrible person.
breathe...breathe...breathe...
right.