Confusion
As graduation grows closer and closer every day, I find myself wondering what my life is going to be like. As I think and think and try to predict: one thing happens. I give up trying to guess. Sometimes this leads to midnight panic attacks filled with tears and eventually chocolate chip cookies and snuggling...sometimes it leads to an amazing feeling of freedom...sometimes desperation...sometimes hope. I guess this is natural, and everyone feels this way at some time or another. I was recently told by a friend that she got the advice that post-college is the hardest time of your life. You are broke, worse off than that, most are in debt; no one is telling you waht to do. there is no clear "next step" like there has been all along for most of us. you can't get the jobs you want even if you know what they are, and usually you are making shit money. your friends become scattered and a lot of people move away from thier families. But that person was also advised that if you can make it to 25 you can survive anything. which is ironic, since most people I know DREAD that age because then they will start to feel "old."
Thats a word I've been thinking a lot about lately. I went to a party on saturday night with many of my best senior friends and we were all drunk and there were many younger people at this party. on the way home, and later that night, most of us were gloomy saying that we felt so old because we didnt think it was that great to play beruit in a shitty basement, or get blacked out drunk or try to get laid by someone we dont know and wont ever see again. and this is something that comes up a lot in my circle. but thinking about it: i can think of a lot worse things than being a little older, because older means more secure. and secure is something I AM NOT.
but not to worry.....we didnt let that feeling take away from our good time. we ARE still young and in college and proceeded to play ridiculous games, drink a shitload and dance to 3 6 mafia till nearly dawn. haha. or about 4am.
But seriously guys, the thing is, i dont KNOW what i want to do. I love theatre, i do, but its unstable and its not always fun, and a lot of times you work with shitty people or get shitty roles or work in shitty conditions. and you are always away from the people you care most about.......and while it would be great to get paid to do like, college theatre forever, that doesnt happen. and it certainly does not pay the bills. so what do i do? i guess just keep going till i figure it out. which im trying to do by taking this summer to probably be in the sound of music, do day camps and babysit a lot. and think.
but you know what they say: life is what happens when you're busy making plans.
huh.
Thats a word I've been thinking a lot about lately. I went to a party on saturday night with many of my best senior friends and we were all drunk and there were many younger people at this party. on the way home, and later that night, most of us were gloomy saying that we felt so old because we didnt think it was that great to play beruit in a shitty basement, or get blacked out drunk or try to get laid by someone we dont know and wont ever see again. and this is something that comes up a lot in my circle. but thinking about it: i can think of a lot worse things than being a little older, because older means more secure. and secure is something I AM NOT.
but not to worry.....we didnt let that feeling take away from our good time. we ARE still young and in college and proceeded to play ridiculous games, drink a shitload and dance to 3 6 mafia till nearly dawn. haha. or about 4am.
But seriously guys, the thing is, i dont KNOW what i want to do. I love theatre, i do, but its unstable and its not always fun, and a lot of times you work with shitty people or get shitty roles or work in shitty conditions. and you are always away from the people you care most about.......and while it would be great to get paid to do like, college theatre forever, that doesnt happen. and it certainly does not pay the bills. so what do i do? i guess just keep going till i figure it out. which im trying to do by taking this summer to probably be in the sound of music, do day camps and babysit a lot. and think.
but you know what they say: life is what happens when you're busy making plans.
huh.