Maybe the best Sunday night ever
So after a brief freak out late Saturday night, I'm back to to feeling like myself again. And I realized something pretty good. For once, a boy can actually make things legitimately better instead of leaps and bounds worse. This, MAY be a first. I went out driving for a while and ended up in like Rochester bawling my eyes out over stress, anxiety and worry about where my life is going. About feeling old and yet not knowing anything. About what I really want and what I just think I want. About what is the smart thing to do and what might just blow up in the face. As I was coming down off the peak of these hysterics Dave called me talked me down off it till I pulled in his driveway and went inside where he was waiting for me...with a bottle of champagne none the less. I didn't really feel like drinking, but we had a glass in our sweatpants and just sat on the couch and talked for a while---which was exactly what I needed. We watched some tv but passed out relatively early. Sunday morning was significantly better, but as I got home I checked facebook and saw that of all people, Ian is now listed as in a relationship with the girl he's dating. Ian, who can't make a commitment to save his own ass.........and I know it must be serious because he said he wouldn't get into another relationship till he was really sure about it. So, me being in the situation I am in with Dave, I did not feel to great about that....even though I haven't even talked to Ian in quite some time. It just made me really mad that he could be in a normal relationship and I can't. Not that it really bothers me all that much, but at that moment it did. I guess its bad that I still feel like I'm in competition with him. But anyways, I went to the show and totally enjoyed it. I was still in a mood when I got there, but the show was amazing and I was glad that the house was so full. After the show was had a ATC judging which went pretty well I think. Then strike. Which was long but not that terrible. After Dave and i had plans to go out for dinner in portsmouth.......but little did I know how nice a dinner we were in for. He totally went all out last night. we went to cafe medditerrano which is this really cute little italian place. we got a bottle of wine and appetizers and dessert and really great entrees. We stayed for a good two hours pretending to be rich and just talking about books and plays and life. it was a totally fabulous sunday night. on the way back we stopped at the porsche dealership to "pick up my birthday present to dave" (haha, i pretended i got him a porsche with my paycheck from starring in electra). and we looked at them and picked some out. it was really fun actually. we went back to my house for a sec and i gave him his real present (only a week late stupid amazon.com) and then we went back to his house so he could send out his cast list for 'i hate hamlet.' then we watched the oscars with sebby and aaron and fell asleep, again relatively early. for someone who hates sunday nights............that one was FUCKING SWEET. you know that feeling like the more time you spend with someone the more you want to spend with them. the more mornings you wake up next to someone, or fall asleep next to them, the more you miss them when you dont. even if its only one or two days a week. im getting scared. and trying to look toward may and not cry and just feel happy and free and not worry and cause unecessary stife. because the opposite of love is not hate, its fear.