DEAR BABY, WELCOME TO DUMPSVILLE, POPULATION: YOU

[tiniago]

Back to school on Monday. Oh, how I don't want to, HOW I DON'T WANT TO. Last week I was all YEAH, LET'S GET THIS BITCH ON THE MAT, LET'S GO, but now THE BITCH IS NEARLY ON THE MAT and I DO NOT WANT IT TO BE THERE. NO, I WOULD RATHER THE BITCH BE ON SOME OTHER MAT FAR FROM ME. Oh god. At the refresher course a few weeks ago I discovered that, among

Comments

[spiralsheep]

AND ALSO IT HAS CROCODILES:

I wish to complain to the management about the use of a colon after that sentence and then the COMPLETE AND UTTER LACK OF CROCODILES. I feel misled about the imminence of a reptilian presence.

I almost guarantee that these are stories about Jesus that you HAVEN'T HEARD BEFORE

::knows some of the apocrypha from folk songs and thus is smug::

Joseph and Mary look terrified. But notice that Jesus looks considerably more calm.

And also as if he's doing the "Agadoo" dance.

This is Jesus getting a damn good walloping from the Virgin Mary.

I TOTALLY KNOW AN ENGLISH FOLK SONG ABOUT THIS. It's about Jesus making a bridge out of a sunbeam for himself but letting his playmate DROWN. The VM is, understandably, not best pleased.

Thank for the photos. They're made of sunbeams greatness.

[tiniago]

Dear spiralsheep,

We would like to apologise unreservedly for any distress caused by our poor usage of punctuation.

We here at the management take crocodiles very seriously indeed, and we do hope you will find this compensatory speciman satisfactory:

I'll split this into several comments

[spiralsheep]

Jesus kills a little boy for kicking over his sandcastles mudpies

Re: I'll split this into several comments

[tiniago]

Okay, spiralsheep, this is a thing which I keep having the urge to ask you and feel a bit awkward about because it sounds a bit weird and possibly as if I am taking the piss which I am really really not, but: how do you know so much? Apocrypha! English folk songs! Pictures of everything interesting in the world! HOW IS IT THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT EVERYTHING? And, uh, how do I find it out too? :D

There is no way that gospel could be improved. The mud pies. The Jospeh getting Mary to do the bollocking because he wants to be THE NICE PARENT. The resurrecting WITH KICKING. I am assuming he refined his technique a bit by the time he got to Lazarus.

Woe unto thee, thou son of death, thou son of Satan! Dost thou destroy the works which I have wrought?

I am so impressed by Jesus' word power at such a tender age.

And Jesus, by the word of His power, brought water into the pools by the aqueduct.

I LOVE this as a little coda. LA LA LA, BUSINESS AS USUAL. !

Re: I'll split this into several comments

[spiralsheep]

My friends used to call me a Walking Encyclopedia and now their children call me Google On Legs, heh.

The resurrecting WITH KICKING.

With ARSE kicking!

English folk song about Jesus drowning three posh kids

[spiralsheep]

BITTER WITHY

Re: English folk song about Jesus drowning three posh kids

[tiniago]

... OMFG. O_O OMFG. I... cannot even GRASP the existence of this song. GOOD GRIEF. THANK YOU.

I may have to look up the Infancy Gospel of Thomas.

I have this on CD. Do you want me to upload it?

If the offer date has not expired, DEAR GOD PLEASE YES.

Re: English folk song about Jesus drowning three posh kids

[spiralsheep]

Done. :-)

[spiralsheep]

I AM MOST GRATIFIED WITH MY CROCODILE. Thank you. ♥