The Dilemma of the Real
I went to see Dr. Harrington earlier today. He asked me what I wanted to talk about, so I took a deep breath...and plunged.
There is an issue that many of my friends know about, but none of them completely understand the gravity of its effect on me. The only one who truly knew the whole story, because she was there from the very beginning, was Aunt Tudi. She was my sounding board, offering up epiphanies that would help keep me balanced and enable me to go beyond any strangeness that was standing in my way of doing what I do ~ write.
It's been three years now, and her absence, combined with a ramping up of the weirdness, has placed me in a situation where I'm internalising all of it, and ruminating on the things that threaten to break my brain. I tend to hone in on things, and keep them in my sight, unable to let go, because each thread connects all the other threads, and it's all important. Since Aunt Tudi's death, I have had no real outlet to release the pressure. I'm like the boiler in the Overlook Hotel. It's been building to the point of explosion.
Since Dr. Harrington is very much into Carl Jung, I asked him what his thoughts were on synchronicity. At first, he gave the textbook explanation of the phenomenon, then offered his opinion that seemingly unrelated things that occur and appear to be connected are connected, if for no other reason than the perception of the person who has witnessed the occurrences. Then he wanted to know why I asked.
Steeling myself for the judgment I was certain would come, I tried to explain to him what has been going on for ages, and how I had more issues with it now than ever before. Why? Because I always had the ability to ascribe paranormal/supernatural/spiritual explanations for the events in my life. But with my turning away from such folly, I've been left without any rational explanation for all the heinous fuckery I've seen and experienced.
At the end of our session, he thanked me for the "intelligent conversation", and assured me that I did not sound like a lunatic. I told him from the beginning that trying to sort out the bizarre happenings of this existence made me feel like I was batshit crazy, and I figured he'd come to the same conclusion by the time I was finished babbling incoherently. But he told me I came across as someone who was looking at the issue as objectively as I could, given the inherent subjectiveness of synchronicity. He said I successfully communicated the turmoil and inspiration, along with the blurred lines between "real life" and "creative artistry." He also made the point that weird shit happens all the time, and that doesn't mean the person it's happening to is a insane.
Just yesterday, I stumbled across an image that almost perfectly mirrored another picture that I've had for longer than the other pic is old. Even though the connection between the two was only really relevant to me, Dr. Harrington admitted that it was strange as fuck, and there may never be a satisfactory explanation for such phenomena.
So, as it stands, I'm probably going to be SOL when seeking a rational explanation. At least, now, I feel like I might have someone to whom I can partially, coherently explain. Only time will tell...