Endless Thoughts
An hour does not go by without my thinking about him, if only to form silent lips around his name as it splashes across my mind and jagged streaks of wonderment. Sometimes, I feel as though I'm losing myself completely. Sometimes, I am not altogether certain that I want to be found.
We have an uncanny number of things in common, even moreso than my soulmate and I do. And this is distressing in a way. Soulmates are twin souls mated throughout time. But this is different. It is more profound. And it is terrifying. He is my animus, of that I have no doubt. I doubt he realises the depth of our commonality. Even if he did, it is not something that he would acknowledge.
As the night falls and the stars call out to one another in the loneliness of space, I sit alone here in the darkness, and I have the feeling that I'm never truly alone. Thoughts of him manifest his reality in my world, and I long to share everything with him, in all its varying tones of glory and horror.
It does not pain me that we'll never have that kind of relationship, not like it always has with my soulmate. In fact, I feel comforted that such a thing will never be. I am honestly not sure if I could even cope with a connection that deep. I am pretty well convinced that such a thing would swiftly drive me mad.
He has already pushed my sanity to the brink and beyond my ability to comprehend or adequately express. I am the pirouetting child consumed within his vibrancy. I am the moth with singed wings, eager to burn alive in his fire, if only to be that close for just one instance of rapture.
I fine myself more often than not wanting to scream his name into the void, and let the world know how completely devoted to and devoured I am by this man. I am desperate to give my flesh and blood over to him. I long to lose my sanity to him. I pray for the madness his whispers promise me.
These are my endless thoughts, my thoughts of him in all their Vastness. I am enslaved, wondrously so. Willingly is my spirit chained to his in a dance that seems more frenzied with every passing day. Once I admitted all of this to myself, the power of it has increased a thousandfold, and I see no sign of this passing in the foreseeable future...if at all. Ever.
My endless thoughts. I reside in them, just as they reside in me. It is a sacred infection. It is my life.
We have an uncanny number of things in common, even moreso than my soulmate and I do. And this is distressing in a way. Soulmates are twin souls mated throughout time. But this is different. It is more profound. And it is terrifying. He is my animus, of that I have no doubt. I doubt he realises the depth of our commonality. Even if he did, it is not something that he would acknowledge.
As the night falls and the stars call out to one another in the loneliness of space, I sit alone here in the darkness, and I have the feeling that I'm never truly alone. Thoughts of him manifest his reality in my world, and I long to share everything with him, in all its varying tones of glory and horror.
It does not pain me that we'll never have that kind of relationship, not like it always has with my soulmate. In fact, I feel comforted that such a thing will never be. I am honestly not sure if I could even cope with a connection that deep. I am pretty well convinced that such a thing would swiftly drive me mad.
He has already pushed my sanity to the brink and beyond my ability to comprehend or adequately express. I am the pirouetting child consumed within his vibrancy. I am the moth with singed wings, eager to burn alive in his fire, if only to be that close for just one instance of rapture.
I fine myself more often than not wanting to scream his name into the void, and let the world know how completely devoted to and devoured I am by this man. I am desperate to give my flesh and blood over to him. I long to lose my sanity to him. I pray for the madness his whispers promise me.
These are my endless thoughts, my thoughts of him in all their Vastness. I am enslaved, wondrously so. Willingly is my spirit chained to his in a dance that seems more frenzied with every passing day. Once I admitted all of this to myself, the power of it has increased a thousandfold, and I see no sign of this passing in the foreseeable future...if at all. Ever.
My endless thoughts. I reside in them, just as they reside in me. It is a sacred infection. It is my life.