Home

[tinhuviel]

So I am home.

The place is so empty, yet so full of Aunt Tudi's presence. The animals keep looking for her. So do I.

How long will this last? I don't think I can take it.

I'll be spending the night at Janice's and Uncle Michael's.

I am utterly bereft.

Comments

[aki_dreaming]

I want, very much, to be nice and positive and upbeat. I also want to be honest. Since you're fTGE, I'm going with honest

[tinhuviel]

<3 you muchlies.

[aki_dreaming]

I think it's a very good thing that you're letting people look out for you right now. Staying with friends, family... shit. If you have to tour the country - crashing on the next sofa in line - do it. There will be a point where you won't want that. You'll want to be alone. It might come in phases (it did for me).

My sense of this, from what I've observed over the years, is that you just kind of have to "trust the process" which can be terrifying because the process is sometimes painful and brutalizing. You said it best: Bereft.

But of all the "universal" human experiences, in some ways this is the most individual, and the most alienating. There's just no way to force it to fit a schedule or someone else's demands. And when people try, it usually just makes it much, much worse.

I can't do much from here, except listen, and pontificate, and hope for the best. But I'll do all that and then some, and I will come to the phone (should you choose to utilize it), which I don't do for, like, anyone. Except Shri.

[dydan]

+1!!

[m0usegrrl]

Exactly this. <3

[waterdawg]

It takes a long time. But as said before, it does eventually get easier. Camping out isn't a bad idea, I did that every so often. Our friends came by often. Once I overheard from them - "I don't think she's going to make it, I hope we aren't burying her next." At that point I just wanted to stay home, camped on the recliner, and didn't eat.

PETS: OMG that was the worse. There were certain sounds they would relate with Mike. Oh, the dogs would bark, run to the door, look at me like Daddy's home..... About six months later I used Mike's coffee mug... Set it down on the counter..the dogs heard it and went WILD. That would break my heart all over again.

Just keep in mind that there are no rules about grief and adjusting. You'll find your path - however fast or slow.

I'm sending all the positive thoughts I can.