Assigning of Guilt
I talked to my counselor Rosa about Llew today. It took me a good twenty minutes of our hour together to get out the whole sad story of 2008, and how I believe he killed himself. I told her that, whilst I didn't grieve over his loss as I might would have had he not been a prat and went missing in 2005, I still felt a pang of guilt that I would not let him come back to the house after he'd exhausted all his avenues in Pennsylvania. Rosa gave me some perspective on the whole megillah, stressing that the guilt about this situation should go with Llew because what he did, if he did indeed commit suicide, was a spiteful and childish act, especially how he went about it (emailing me on Christmas Eve). She also gave me some exercises to use when my mind begins to wonder in those dark places regarding Llew's death. For the first time, I left our therapy session feeling better than when I walked in. I don't go back to see Rosa for a month. Progress!