The Night Gallery of Souls
In my late teens I began to fashion out of my perception of the world and the people that inhabited the world an idea of how souls fit in the the Great Scheme of Things. It was at this time I began to actively seek some sort of spiritual path that would allow me to explore the nature of souls in the way I saw fit. The only path that even remotely met my needs at the time as Wicca, the Temple Hecate Triskele of the Caledonii Tradition to be exact. Quite the mouthful, eh? I was a dedicated Dedicant and faithfully adhered to the tenets of my Fluffy Bunny phase. In short, I was intolerable. But there had always been a part of me even when I wanted to be a Christian preacher (before I knew girls weren't really allowed) and had full intention of boozing it up every Sabbath at Temple, that needed to have an active part in ritual. A girl tends to become conflicted when she's raised in both the Jewish and Protestant faith. A girl become agnostic.
And this girl remained agnostic even throughout my education as a priestess in the Caledonii Tradition. There were always two things that never failed to fascinate me: Angels, and their different incarnations that spanned human faith, and the nature of souls. The apocryphal writings of Enoch held a particular fascination for me and it was Enochian Magick that brought me to the Book of the Law. From there, I became even more conflicted. My Fluffy Bunniness was burned away by the introduction of Chaos Magick and the tenets of a more practical form of viewing the world and Creation itself. Gnosis, Thelema, Chaos, and the accounts of Angels as written by Enoch began another quest for knowledge and understanding that I came to realise resided only within myself. That's hard to come to grips with, considering I held little faith in myself. But enough of that.
As I said, I began to form theories which I later found out mirrored many of the tenets of Gnosis. I believe that the brain is a prison for the soul. I believe that, for some reason beyond our limited comprehension, we souls are imprisoned in human bodies and left to wander Earth in a kind of confusion and an inherent need to know why we're here. Some Fluffy Bunnies have stated that the Earth is a school. I tend to agree up to a point. I think that the Earth is a rehabilitation facility to which we are doomed to return for as many times as it takes for us to learn whatever lesson it is we're here to learn. Some people call prisons rehabilitation facilities.
Of course I have another theory that all of creation is simply that of an author's somewhere else, tapping away on a computer, or writing madly (as writers often do) in a journal, creating this world, this existence, in which we reside. This would explain senseless death. We may not understand it, but it's necessary for plot development. Of course, this theory ties in to the Jewish concept that God truly should be feared. As a writer, I've often written characters into stories for the sole purpose of killing them off.....violently. Fear me. Fear all writers. The power or Creation and destruction is on our hands.
But I digress. This is about souls. In the theories I have about Creation, I've developed theories about souls and why there are some people I instantly dislike or for whom I instantly feel an affinity. I believe that souls travel together, from one incarnation to another, kind of like classes in that 'Earth is a school' theory some of the FBs have, or maybe pods set on rehabilitation and eventual release from this vale of tears. Who knows? I don't think anyone living today has the truth. But I don't think it's classes. I think it's more of an affiliation or recognition on the other side of this life that we souls experience, thus creating some sort of bond or a spiritual unease. Over time, I created categories:
The Known: These are people you have a feeling you may know, but you aren't really certain. More often than not, you do not like them. They give off a bad vibe of sorts. These are souls that resonate on a different tonal level than your own (because Creation is nothing but a song) and it's a tone that is in dissonance with yours. You know these souls, but you choose not to associate with them. You often take an instant dislike to them for reasons unknown even to you. More often than not, your feelings are often proven to be correct.
I've encountered my fair share of these throughout my life. It's unsettling at best. At worse, I've been forced to associate with them despite my reservations, usually because of work-related issues. The result was always negative and sometimes even horrifying. I have no doubt that I'll meet up with more Known before my time.
Kindred Souls: These are people who travel with you casually through the ebb and flow, and the cycles of time. People are drawn together for a reason, although they don't know know why. They share common interests and enjoy each other's company. This is the most common of the soul categories. Good friendships are born out of the meeting of Kindreds and these friendships are often carried on from one life to another to eventually become the third category.
Over time, I've been fortunate to meet quite a few kindred souls. I daresay that the Internet has allowed Kindreds to more easily find one another because, even though souls travel together, it doesn't necessarily mean we'll all end up in the same geographical location. The Internet knocks down those barriers and allows for Kindreds to more often than not say "wow, you too? yeah, love that book! Must be a generational thing, eh?" Or the explosion of Fandom precipitated by the Internet, which brings Kindreds together based on one fully-focused subject, but allows them to expand their exploration of one another to form long-lasting friendships long after the Fandom has dissipated. A perfect example of this is my friendship with Tallis (falkenna on LJ). I first met ten years ago on the Darth Maul Estrogen Brigade. She is in Brighton. I've also maintained contact with Meche, another DMEBrigadier, who resides in Budapest, Hungary. I would never have had the honour of meeting and bonding with these two people had it not been for the Internet. These two within my Soul Pod would have gone untouched by myself or one another and would have had to have waited until possibly the next incarnation.
Soul Siblings: This is a more difficult category to describe and much more exclusive. The ones identified as Soul Siblings reside in an area of my heart that is stronger than friendship. And they usually make it there instantly via mere recognition by one soul of another. When you encounter a Soul Sibling, you almost always instantly know it, and you're compelled to connect with them by any means necessary. They awaken in you vague memories of past-life interactions and what roles the two of you played in one another's life.
I came to realise the existence of Soul Siblings when I met my best friend Todd. I often call him my Soul Brother. This does not mean we own bell-bottoms and platform shoes, although that'd be really groovy. All it means is that I recognise him not as just a kindred soul, but a relative beyond this current existence we each share. A perfect sign of our deep connection: he moved to Portland in 1995. Since then, we've remained in contact and, often, our phone conversations seem like he never left at all. Our connection goes beyond miles and time zones. Our compulsion for connection overcame our aversion to being touched. It took 22 years of friendship and his being gone for 13 years, but we finally kind of hugged for the very first time during his visit. Trust me, this was momentous.
falkenna, although, she started out as a friend, graduated to Tribe in this incarnation. We shared too much on a soul level and connected on the physical plane on a level unprecedented to the point that Tribe was the only logical option for her.
It was a Soul Sibling that precipitated this transition: Barry Andrews. I recognised him in 1990. I connected with him in a way that seemed strange to most every one around me. Imagine their surprise when he wrote me in 2000. We've been 'friends' ever since but, since we share so many uncanny similarities, not to mention an literary child, it's safe to say he's Tribe.
My foray in Joker fandom found me in the midst of a number of Tribe, all of whom I will not mention here, but there are more than just the first two mentioned. Maybe it's his Trickster God archetype so beloved of Chaos Magickians and my subsequent recognition of the underlying psychological and spiritual dynamic going on in Joker acolytes.
My first found Soul Sibling came to me by way of my fanfiction. paisleydaze, or Sweet Sophie, so named for a character strangely named for her without my knowing her name, yet writing the story she suggested. Joker calls his date 'Sweet Sophie' throughout the story. And so it was given to her freely and she adopted it for obviously reasons, except she's not too keen on being murdered. Of all the people who've reached out to me in the Joker fandom, it was Sophie I felt compelled to establish a dialogue. We've discovered an uncanny amount in common. This is a sure sign of Tribe. We grok.
The second found Soul Sibling I found out of frustration. He kept popping up in my suggested You Tube videos and I just wasn't having it because I could tell the person in the picture over 'Therapy Begins' wasn't Heath Ledger and I'd had my fill of impostors. But, one day, I gave in and watched. And, the minute this person sat down, a strange compulsion swept over me. I had the oddest urge to protect this person playing Joker. And he was playing Joker to the point of owning the character so why would Joker of all people need protection? But I saw beyond the war paint. The more episodes I watched, the worse it got. This was in February. By April I had established a limited dialogue with the person who came to be known as Blog Boy (so named by fellow Tribe, falkenna, making the connection between the Darth Maul fandom and the Joker fandom complete in a magick circle within itself), although I tend to call him Little Bro. By June, I was helping construct his website. Between speaking with his manager and chatting with him, it became apparent that we shared quite a bit of uncanny idiosyncrasies, something that just doesn't happen coincidentally, especially considering our difference in age. I'm not going into details, but it became apparent that he was Tribe. I'm not certain he's accepted this, or will ever accept it, but that's okay. We all have our ideas about and explanations for odd coincidences. The compulsion to protect him is just as strong now, if not stronger, as it was in February, which is frustrating because there's really nothing I can do but be a human firewall online. Had I the power of the Force, I would gladly Force throttle anyone who even hinted at harming Blog Boy in any way, shape, or form. For now, all I have are my words, which is fine. I've made people cry with just a few sentences. I'll do that again, if I have to. Until then, we'll remain on opposite sides of North America, singing old Al Jolson songs without provocation for no apparent reason, making those who may be around and not used to such 'outbursts' wonder what the hell is wrong with us. Nothing. It's just a thing. Enjoy the ride. All that said, if you're Tribe, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. We grok on a level only other Tribe can understand. It's always an honour to find other Soul Siblings. It's rare and precious, and not to be wasted. So, if you find yourself in the presence of a Soul Sibling, don't waste the experience. Ever.
The Soulmate: This is where many other people and I diverge on the the path of soul categorisation. A lot of people place Soul Siblings and and the Soulmate in one category and call them all Soulmates. I don't believe you have more than one soulmate. The Soulmate is your Twin Soul. It's not just a soul relative beyond this plane of existence, it is part of you. It's the part of you that makes you complete once you find that soul. Until you find your Soulmate, you are not a whole person. The finding of one's Soulmate can be a joyous thing, but it can also be devastating. I found my Soulmate at the age of 19. He was 8 years older than I and he was married with a brand new baby. But it didn't mean a thing to me. I wasn't just in love with this man; I was utterly, completely, hopelessly devoted to him beyond all comprehension. I would die for him. I would still die for him, after 22 years. For years we found ways to be together and, even though we never physically touched one another, our souls communed in ways I can't express with mere words. It was a religious experience. We taught one another so much. We shared literature, played chess, we discussed philosophy and the nature of religion and, even more importantly, shared music, both live and recorded. And we still see one another, with the blessing of his wife, who has finally come to realise that I'm no real threat to her. It was because of my Soulmate that The Chalice was begun. It was my way of dealing with finding the ONE for me, yet never ever being able to be with him, not in this life. The entire book was to be about Kelat's distress over Dmitri's Vampiric compulsion to explore instead of remaining by her side, despite their both knowing they share a soul past. One passage in The Chalice reads:
He found himself on the edge of a great cliff, waiting anxiously for her, hoping against all hope that they could escape and be together forever. The villagers said she was a witch and had twisted him to her magicks. And so he and his lady must die for their sins, they must be hunted down and killed by the righteous. The horror of it all! In the distance he heard their cries and he prayed fervently to the Great Goddess to deliver his lady to him. And suddenly he felt her presence, his beloved, his lady….his other half. It was the woman at the inn! She embraced him and said, “We shall be together for Eternity.” And she kissed him gently on the lips. Clad in grey, she was a mere wisp of a woman, her long hair caressed by the ocean’s winds.
‘Twas then that Dmitri felt the pain as the friar’s staff pierced his heart. “Lleinisch!” The woman cried, and Dmitri fell from the edge of the cliff. The last thing he saw was his lady, her face frozen in an indescribable expression of anguish. Her loss was profound, deeper than if she had lost her very soul to the fires of perdition. And he saw her desperation brought on by the knowledge of his death. Without him, she was not, could not, be whole just as he wasn’t without his lady. He knew when he saw her face that his beloved would follow him into the water in a vain attempt to join him in the Land of Youth.
“But you are eternal, my lovely,” he whispered as his face sank beneath the waters. “You will continue. You must. And I will be with you again.” This is not original fiction. It's an actual memory that both my Soulmate and I share. We have a strange affinity for cliffs and share a deep longing for the ocean and deep forests, all of which are extensions of our shared existences as souls in different bodies. It's my sincerest wish that, in the next life, whatever that may be, I get to actually spend it with my Soulmate. I'm unsure what my karmic debt I'm paying is for knowing who he is, spending over half my life with him in one capacity or another, yet never getting to touch him, but I hope I've paid it in full and threefold. This one soul experience has left me weary beyond my ability to express, and it makes me feel older than I actually am.
If you read this, think about your own life and the people in it. The soul pods in your life are always changing as you change and grow and touch the lives of others and they touch you. Don't waste an opportunity to connect with fellow souls. It can be both fulfilling and agonising, but always worth it.
So there it is. My explanation of souls and their categories, at least how I understand them right now. As I learn more in this life and may be finally get to shed my cynical cloak of agnosticism, I will continue to study the nature of souls, Angels, archetypes, and the psychological effect such ethereal matters have on us sad, wondering, and wandering mortals.