Anti-Social PSYCHO-logy
popfiend made a post in his journal about putting his best foot forward here on LJ, and it got me to thinking about how I tend not to do that. Why? Well, like popfiend, I was a nerd/geek/outcast/whatever in school but, unlike popfiend, such a social state didn't encourage me to want people to like and accept me. Just the opposite. My treatment at the hands of other people is the primary reason I'm a misanthropist today. As I was judged by my appearance, so do I judge by species. Humans suck, but you're okay. That's my motto, because there are folks who've exhibited kindness, insight, and intelligence far beyond the capacity of Humanity on the whole. If you're on my friends list, you're okay by me and I'm hoping that you don't suffer too very much when the Alpaca Lips is upon us.
Yeah, I know that's cold, but that's how I am. That whole "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" crap is just that: crap. I've been done unto way too much in my past, especially as a child. I've been done unto so much that I empathise with kids like the shooters at Columbine and any other kid who finally just snaps and decides to exterminate the vermin that make their lives a living hell. I grok Carrie and often fantasised about having telekinetic powers so I could also destroy my tormentors.
Okay, so that said, I write what I write here. It's my journal and no one else's. Either you like me or you don't, but I'm not going to gloss over this true extension of myself because I'm hoping people will like me. The people on my friends list are resilient souls whom I admire very much and to whom I am quite grateful. They accept me for who I am and they don't expect me to be anything other than the surly bitch I tend to be on an almost daily basis. They know, or should know, that when I pray for the horrible deaths of Humanity that, even though I'm including myself in the Endtimes, I'm wishing better for them because I think they're cool and have grown beyond the Human stain I despise so much.
I'm damaged goods. I refuse to sugar coat it or try to conceal it completely. I'm paranoid, anti-social, and I always root for the bad guy because good guys piss me off. I keep people at a distance not because I don't like them, but because I'm afraid to be hurt anymore than I already have been in life. When I say I like animals more then people, I'm not being funny, I"m being honest. When I say I don't like kids, I mean that I don't like kids. When I bitch about things that piss me off in my journal, it's not for entertainment purposes, it's because I'm genuinely pissed off.
I like it when people I like, like me back. But everyone else can go straight to hell as far as I'm concerned. I don't need for people to like me like I did when I was younger. I outgrew that after I had my self-esteem bullied out of my spirit, after I had my faith in myself and my fellow human pushed and teased out of me. There's a darkness within me upon which I thrive. Even on my happier days, it's always present, ready to spring forth in the event humanity tries to pull a fast one on me. It speaks in this journal, if only in a whisper. It's my voice, my conscience, my bullshit-o-meter. And, if it's decided you're okay, then you're really fuckin' okay! Everyone else? Screw them. Period. 'Nuff said. Amen. And hallelujah.
Yeah, I know that's cold, but that's how I am. That whole "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" crap is just that: crap. I've been done unto way too much in my past, especially as a child. I've been done unto so much that I empathise with kids like the shooters at Columbine and any other kid who finally just snaps and decides to exterminate the vermin that make their lives a living hell. I grok Carrie and often fantasised about having telekinetic powers so I could also destroy my tormentors.
Okay, so that said, I write what I write here. It's my journal and no one else's. Either you like me or you don't, but I'm not going to gloss over this true extension of myself because I'm hoping people will like me. The people on my friends list are resilient souls whom I admire very much and to whom I am quite grateful. They accept me for who I am and they don't expect me to be anything other than the surly bitch I tend to be on an almost daily basis. They know, or should know, that when I pray for the horrible deaths of Humanity that, even though I'm including myself in the Endtimes, I'm wishing better for them because I think they're cool and have grown beyond the Human stain I despise so much.
I'm damaged goods. I refuse to sugar coat it or try to conceal it completely. I'm paranoid, anti-social, and I always root for the bad guy because good guys piss me off. I keep people at a distance not because I don't like them, but because I'm afraid to be hurt anymore than I already have been in life. When I say I like animals more then people, I'm not being funny, I"m being honest. When I say I don't like kids, I mean that I don't like kids. When I bitch about things that piss me off in my journal, it's not for entertainment purposes, it's because I'm genuinely pissed off.
I like it when people I like, like me back. But everyone else can go straight to hell as far as I'm concerned. I don't need for people to like me like I did when I was younger. I outgrew that after I had my self-esteem bullied out of my spirit, after I had my faith in myself and my fellow human pushed and teased out of me. There's a darkness within me upon which I thrive. Even on my happier days, it's always present, ready to spring forth in the event humanity tries to pull a fast one on me. It speaks in this journal, if only in a whisper. It's my voice, my conscience, my bullshit-o-meter. And, if it's decided you're okay, then you're really fuckin' okay! Everyone else? Screw them. Period. 'Nuff said. Amen. And hallelujah.