It Doesn't Work that Way, Part 2 of 2
Apparently, reading a Farmer's Almanac brings out House and Logan. Go figure. Here's the other half of the drabble evil_little_dog requested a while back ( found here).
Wilson looked up. “What? Repeat that?”
House smirked. “A tornado warning has been issued in your area. At home, you should: a, Take shelter under something sturdy in the basement; or b, open the windows to equalize the pressure between the house and outdoors so that the building doesn’t explode.”
“Why are you asking me this? What are you reading?” House held up the little yellow booklet with the distinctive cover for Wilson to see. “Why are you reading the ‘Old Farmer’s Almanac’?”
“I found it in the restroom.” House cocked his head. “Well?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be in the clinic?” Wilson checked the clock and then stared at House. “You finished duty two hours ago and you’re still here? Why are you still here?”
“I found this in the restroom. It’s fascinating. Answer the question.”
Frowning suspiciously, Wilson finally said, “Open the windows.”
House gave him a mockingly sympathetic look. “Pressure won’t kill you. Wind speed will. Hide in the basement next time.” He flipped to another page. “While hiking, you startle a grizzly bear. It huffs, stands on its hind legs, and seems to look at and smell you. You should: a, run at a right angle to the bear, while moving your arms up and down rapidly and screaming; b, drop an inedible item, such as a hat, then move away slowly and diagonally, unless it starts to follow, in which case, stop, avoid eye contact, speak in a low monotone, and move your arms up and down slowly; or c, climb a tree while avoiding eye contact, and make loud, bear-like huffing noises.”
Wilson shook his head. “Drop down and play dead?”
House smirked. “Not one of the choices. Try again.” He looked up over Wilson’s head at the person entering the room and smiled wickedly. “Right on time. Did you hear the question?”
Logan sat down in an empty chair at the break room table. “We can leave now.”
“Ah, you were waiting for Logan. I didn’t know you were going fishing,” said Wilson. He turned to Logan. “Nice to see you again. Did you change your cell phone number or something?”
“Or something.”
“Did you hear the question?” repeated House.
“Yeah,” Logan growled out.
“And you refuse to answer on the grounds it might incriminate you. Nice call.” He looked back at Wilson. “You?”
Wilson considered. “I think a bear could outrun me. Drop the hat as a distraction?”
House cut his eyes at Logan. “Would that really work?”
Logan shrugged. “Might. Never tried it.” He met House’s eyes. “I never tried throwing tire spikes at one either. That might not work.”
“Oh, look,” House said, now reading again, “dropping the hat might work. Wilson lives this time. It also says if the bear appears to be attacking as a predator, and not from surprise, fight aggressively with whatever you have at hand.” He looked back up at Logan as he passed the booklet to Wilson’s outstretched hand. “I kid you not. Whatever you have at hand. Huh. Why didn’t you think of that? Abyssus abyssum invocat.”
“What does that mean?” Wilson asked absently as he reread the bear question.
Logan stood. “I’m leaving. You want to fish, hurry it up. You don’t, I have a date.”
“Problem solved?” asked House as he gained his feet with the cane’s help. He smiled when there wasn’t an answer Wilson would recognize. “Thank you. Fishing it is.”
Wilson held up a finger to stop them. “Here’s one you might need while fishing. You forgot to bring matches or a lighter on a camping trip. You can produce flame by using: a, a magnifying glass; b, a flat piece of softwood and a straight piece of hardwood; c, a battery and fine steel wool; or d, a steel knife and a rock such as flint or quartzite.”
“I read that question. You left one of the answers off,” said House.
“All of them work,” said Logan as he exited the room.
House grinned evilly again. “And that’s what you get for leaving out that particular answer,” he said when Wilson stared at him. “He’s psychic - great at parties. Great with bears, too, and snipers, apparently. It’s the hair. Abyssum abyssus invocat. See you Monday.”
Wilson looked up. “What? Repeat that?”
House smirked. “A tornado warning has been issued in your area. At home, you should: a, Take shelter under something sturdy in the basement; or b, open the windows to equalize the pressure between the house and outdoors so that the building doesn’t explode.”
“Why are you asking me this? What are you reading?” House held up the little yellow booklet with the distinctive cover for Wilson to see. “Why are you reading the ‘Old Farmer’s Almanac’?”
“I found it in the restroom.” House cocked his head. “Well?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be in the clinic?” Wilson checked the clock and then stared at House. “You finished duty two hours ago and you’re still here? Why are you still here?”
“I found this in the restroom. It’s fascinating. Answer the question.”
Frowning suspiciously, Wilson finally said, “Open the windows.”
House gave him a mockingly sympathetic look. “Pressure won’t kill you. Wind speed will. Hide in the basement next time.” He flipped to another page. “While hiking, you startle a grizzly bear. It huffs, stands on its hind legs, and seems to look at and smell you. You should: a, run at a right angle to the bear, while moving your arms up and down rapidly and screaming; b, drop an inedible item, such as a hat, then move away slowly and diagonally, unless it starts to follow, in which case, stop, avoid eye contact, speak in a low monotone, and move your arms up and down slowly; or c, climb a tree while avoiding eye contact, and make loud, bear-like huffing noises.”
Wilson shook his head. “Drop down and play dead?”
House smirked. “Not one of the choices. Try again.” He looked up over Wilson’s head at the person entering the room and smiled wickedly. “Right on time. Did you hear the question?”
Logan sat down in an empty chair at the break room table. “We can leave now.”
“Ah, you were waiting for Logan. I didn’t know you were going fishing,” said Wilson. He turned to Logan. “Nice to see you again. Did you change your cell phone number or something?”
“Or something.”
“Did you hear the question?” repeated House.
“Yeah,” Logan growled out.
“And you refuse to answer on the grounds it might incriminate you. Nice call.” He looked back at Wilson. “You?”
Wilson considered. “I think a bear could outrun me. Drop the hat as a distraction?”
House cut his eyes at Logan. “Would that really work?”
Logan shrugged. “Might. Never tried it.” He met House’s eyes. “I never tried throwing tire spikes at one either. That might not work.”
“Oh, look,” House said, now reading again, “dropping the hat might work. Wilson lives this time. It also says if the bear appears to be attacking as a predator, and not from surprise, fight aggressively with whatever you have at hand.” He looked back up at Logan as he passed the booklet to Wilson’s outstretched hand. “I kid you not. Whatever you have at hand. Huh. Why didn’t you think of that? Abyssus abyssum invocat.”
“What does that mean?” Wilson asked absently as he reread the bear question.
Logan stood. “I’m leaving. You want to fish, hurry it up. You don’t, I have a date.”
“Problem solved?” asked House as he gained his feet with the cane’s help. He smiled when there wasn’t an answer Wilson would recognize. “Thank you. Fishing it is.”
Wilson held up a finger to stop them. “Here’s one you might need while fishing. You forgot to bring matches or a lighter on a camping trip. You can produce flame by using: a, a magnifying glass; b, a flat piece of softwood and a straight piece of hardwood; c, a battery and fine steel wool; or d, a steel knife and a rock such as flint or quartzite.”
“I read that question. You left one of the answers off,” said House.
“All of them work,” said Logan as he exited the room.
House grinned evilly again. “And that’s what you get for leaving out that particular answer,” he said when Wilson stared at him. “He’s psychic - great at parties. Great with bears, too, and snipers, apparently. It’s the hair. Abyssum abyssus invocat. See you Monday.”