Burst into Flame and Rise From the Ashes

[tinesthai]

Yep. So Jon and I broke up. I was really upset for awhile, especially since it was mostly my own fault we didn't work out. Maybe someday we'll get back together and our companionship will actually bloom instead of decay, but from how I am currently interpreting Jon's perspective, I don't think I am going to be given the chance to find out. However

Comments

Faithfulness and monogamy vs polyamory

[theophilusa]

I just had a break up too, and it's always a hard thing to sort out whose at fault for what - not a fun exercise either. It hurts a hell of a lot. I'm in minimal contact with my (ex) boyfriend - I hate the term 'ex' too. I've found that friendship with people I used to be romantically involved with is possible after a year or so, but even then I can't get too close to them for fear of falling back in love.

What's this idea of/about multiple lovers? My friend who doesn't livejournal but e-mailed me recently said that she is against marriage and for adultery. She's with a married man so that might have a little something to do with that. I've heard of polyamory. Of course most people practice serial monogamy. I've always wondered about what faithfulness means. I'm sometimes too strict but it seems to me there's a fine line between friendship and, well, you know.

Case in point: I was in Korea this past year and dating a guy in Canada. The guy and I had been friends for five years and hooked up five days before I left the country, and he told me not to give up anything in Korea because of him which was sort of a silly thing for him to say I think. I was attracted to this man I worked with in Korea, his name was Soon Kwang which is Korean for 'pure light', and I noticed he was always smiling and looked out for the kinds of people that were on the bottom of the office totem pole. My boyfriend in Canada got busy with schoolwork and was only able to call me every two weeks, and as time went on in Korea things got harder and me and Soon Kwang became closer as he was someone to talk to about culture shock and my experiences (he had studied in the US for 2 years so he understood culture shock as well as Korean culture.) He was a good counselor to go to as he was an associate pastor at the church I attended - I actually asked him in the first place about the church. Anyways, I felt guilty about this relationship so I called my boyfriend in Canada and he told me not to feel guilty about it, he trusted me, etc, etc. But I figured if I stayed in Korea I was probably going to get closer to Soon Kwang.

I don't know if I cheated on my boyfriend when I was in Korea...it feels like it because my relationship with him when I returned was less somehow than the one I left behind in Korea with Soon Kwang. I felt like I had fallen in love with Soon Kwang and returned to Canada out of duty, and yet somehow this still felt like I had cheated on my boyfriend. So this is where the question of faithfulness comes in. What is it to be faithful?

Re: Faithfulness and monogamy vs polyamory

[theophilusa]

Oy. I just re-read this entry and realized: if I was catholic (like my ex was) and confessed this to a priest, he'd say I should do a hellish number of hail mary's in order to attain victory over this tendency to scruples.