The Fabulous Wedding of Fawn and Erik Armstrong.
So I'm still completely exhausted from Fawn's wedding. I got home, took off the unforgiving undergarment-the sausage casing-got dressed in my pajams and passed the fuck out. I slept something like 11 hours and I'm still totally exhausted. Weddings will do that to you. Especially when you've got half of your offspring there. Whoo, Violette was on one yesterday. She didn't listen to a damned thing I said to her. I'm over it, though. I just expected things to go smoother with her since she's usually completely intimidated by large groups of people.
I had to wake up at 6am and be at Fawn's by 7:30 so that we could jet off to Pioneer Park Pavillion and start setting up. I have to say, I was completely impressed by the decorations. It was all set up beautifully with maroons, greens, browns, and oranges. Very much in synch with the whole Autumn theme of the wedding. Pumpkins and leaf garland lined the aisle, and the tables were all set up with loose fake fall leaves in brilliant colors with a cupcake stand in the middle with cupcakes that had chocolate leaves sticking out of the frosting. All in all very, very aesthetically pleasing. It was probably the nicest wedding I've ever been to. And it made my heart jump to know it was my best friends.
After setting up with Dallas, Alexis, Krista, Fawn, Ed, Deedra, Heidi, and Erik's parents, I had to jet off early to go grab Violette, Steven and Mike since I wouldn't have any time to do so before the wedding started. I had to meet back up at Fawn's house because the lady that was styling everyone's hair was doing it there. So I get home and hit my bedroom like a hurricane looking for those godforsaken corrective underwears which are no where to be seen. I'm throwing clothes all over the place and sweating profusely and snapping at everyone who dares talk to me at the this crucial point in time. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SAUSAGE CASING? I end up finding it in Steven's room with nary an idea how it got there.
Scotty is upstairs hosing Violette down in the bathtub and I'm cracking the whip at Steven trying to get him dressed appropriately for the wedding. To make matters worse Mike is freaking out because his shirt is wrinkled and instead of spraying the wrinkle releaser stuff I bought for him on it from 10-12 inches away, it looks like he poured it on there and there's huge wet marks all over his nice golden brown shirt he just bought. He's more nervous than me at this point which would have made me giggle had I not been in such a rush and stressed out and caffeinated beyond the degree any human should ever be. So I grab his shirt up, tell him to get in the goddamned car and we'll get dressed at Fawn's. We scoop the kiddos up, grab the dresses, get the shoes, and we're off.
We get to Fawn's and Mike asks is Fawn has an iron. She busts it out for him and he just kind of stands there looking at it like it's some kind of alien space age technology. I sigh and tell him I'll do it since I'm the domestic goddess and in no time it's ship shape. I go to start curling Violette's hair and she's being the biggest turd she could possibly be. She won't sit still and I think I may have burned myself around five times with that damned curling iron. After about a half hour of fighting with her and trying to wrangle her into getting her hair done, I give up. It's curly enough, or so I thought. By the time we get to the place it isn't curly at all and now just looks crispy, like I sprayed too much hair spray in it. Fuck me to tears.
After I'm done with her hair I stand around and watch everyone else get their hair done. I've never seen anyone curl anyone's hair with a straight iron before, but that's how this lady was doing it. And it was looking really good. Everyone decided that I should go last because I have the thickest hair and it's hard for my hair to hold a curl for much longer than 20 minutes. Fawn's hair looks amazing. The lady did a really great job with everyone's hair, as a matter of fact. I was really impressed. So when it came time to do my hair I sat down and told her what I wanted and then told her that my hair is really hard to curl. She responds by telling me that I have perfect curling hair, that I have a lot of texture. She then proceeds to spray my hair maybe three times with short bursts of hairspray and before I know it my goddamned hair is curled! It was more than amazing. I felt like she had done some kind of David Copperfield shit on my hair. The kicker was that she had it done in less than a half hour. Holy balls. Anytime I've ever tried to curl my hair it always took something like two hours. So imagine my surprise when she whipped it into shape, and it was staying, in a half hour. My god, the lady was a miracle worker! And it looked so good!
I get dressed and slap some make-up on and we're out the door on our way to the place this shindig is going to go down. We have to be there early so we can get pictures taken. And not to toot my own horn or anything, but my transormation from mother of four into bridesmaid was FLAWLESS. I don't think I've ever looked so good. Even only having my hair done I looked like a completely different person. After it was all put together Mike's jaw just about dropped. Totally worth it. I can't tell you how many times he looked at me with a sparkle in his eye and told me I was absolutely gorgeous. God, how long have I been waiting for that one, huh? He looked absolutely amazing as well. He had a goldish-brown kinda shiny button down, long-sleeved shirt and black pants. His tie was striped with gold, creme and a dark brown that was damn near the color of my dress. It's funny, because in a way it kind of felt like a precursor to our own wedding day. A day that I'm now sure might actually happen.
Anyhoozlebees, we get there and start taking pictures. That went ok. I had been practicing my normal smile in the car on the way there because after looking goofy for so long for pictures I had almost forgotten how to pose like an actual normal person. Lol. I decided to avoid any snaggletooth appearances I was just going to smile close-lipped. So let's hope that I avoid looking like redneck linebacker in those pics, shall we?
The time came where we all crowded in the bathroom and waited for our cue. Someone was passing around an airline bottle of Southern Comfort and it lasts two rounds on 8 girls...explain that one to me. Erik's mom comes in and says it's time to go so we file out of there and walk up to the partition that hides us from the stage and the seated guests. I'm walking with Doug so we link arms and wait. I'm nervous as hell. First Deedra and Joey go. Then Dallas and Josh. Then it's our turn. I try to match his speed but it's all over the place...quick, slow, quick. That alone is making me nervous. Then we get up to the stage and there's three stairs in front of it that you have to walk up...duh...so I start the ascent. Since I'm holding onto Doug's arm with one hand and carrying a bouquet with another, I have no free hand to pick my skirt up to avoid stepping on it. I get to the top stair and suddenly become immobilized due to my skirt being stuck under my four inch stiletto heels! I'm basically just walking in place trying to move while my face proceeds to get bright red and I'm mumbling under my breath "oh my god! I can't move!" Finally after a few seconds I get it under control and manage to get up the stairs. God, that was embarassing! Never gonna forget that one.
And so then Krista and Justin come down the aisle. Then Violette and Leif. They were so cute I wanted to gag. Violette walked up to me and stood there for approximately 4 seconds before spending the remainder of the service twirling around onstage, playing with the curtain in the back and almost falling off the stage, and just generally driving me nuts and embarassing me. Not too bad, but I would have liked for the focus to be on Fawn and Erik since they were getting MARRIED. But the service was really short...probably only around 10 minutes, so that was nice. They said their I Do's, kissed, and it was over. THANK GOD.
The reception was nice. Rachel, her bf Dan, Dani and Tish, and Heidi were all there. I got to sit at the kids table though because I had Steven and Violette with me. That was alright. The rest of the reception was good. Good music and Mike actually took me out on the dance floor and danced with me. I thought I was just about ready to shit myself. He hates dancing. I didn't even have to ask him, though. We slow danced to a few songs and the whole wedding monster toyed with me like a kitten with a ball of yarn. What is it about weddings that amplify how much in love you are? Good lord. It's ridiculous.
So that's that. They took off and went to Mexico-Fawn's first airplane ride-and they're over there hopefully making babies so I can quit listening to her complain about her lack of breeding! NO MORE BABY STORY, FER CHRISSAKES! Plus, now I have something like 4 Armstrongs in my cell phone. It's funny. And if me and Mike ever get married then me and Fawn are going to have the same last name. Isn't that weird? Lol
I had to wake up at 6am and be at Fawn's by 7:30 so that we could jet off to Pioneer Park Pavillion and start setting up. I have to say, I was completely impressed by the decorations. It was all set up beautifully with maroons, greens, browns, and oranges. Very much in synch with the whole Autumn theme of the wedding. Pumpkins and leaf garland lined the aisle, and the tables were all set up with loose fake fall leaves in brilliant colors with a cupcake stand in the middle with cupcakes that had chocolate leaves sticking out of the frosting. All in all very, very aesthetically pleasing. It was probably the nicest wedding I've ever been to. And it made my heart jump to know it was my best friends.
After setting up with Dallas, Alexis, Krista, Fawn, Ed, Deedra, Heidi, and Erik's parents, I had to jet off early to go grab Violette, Steven and Mike since I wouldn't have any time to do so before the wedding started. I had to meet back up at Fawn's house because the lady that was styling everyone's hair was doing it there. So I get home and hit my bedroom like a hurricane looking for those godforsaken corrective underwears which are no where to be seen. I'm throwing clothes all over the place and sweating profusely and snapping at everyone who dares talk to me at the this crucial point in time. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SAUSAGE CASING? I end up finding it in Steven's room with nary an idea how it got there.
Scotty is upstairs hosing Violette down in the bathtub and I'm cracking the whip at Steven trying to get him dressed appropriately for the wedding. To make matters worse Mike is freaking out because his shirt is wrinkled and instead of spraying the wrinkle releaser stuff I bought for him on it from 10-12 inches away, it looks like he poured it on there and there's huge wet marks all over his nice golden brown shirt he just bought. He's more nervous than me at this point which would have made me giggle had I not been in such a rush and stressed out and caffeinated beyond the degree any human should ever be. So I grab his shirt up, tell him to get in the goddamned car and we'll get dressed at Fawn's. We scoop the kiddos up, grab the dresses, get the shoes, and we're off.
We get to Fawn's and Mike asks is Fawn has an iron. She busts it out for him and he just kind of stands there looking at it like it's some kind of alien space age technology. I sigh and tell him I'll do it since I'm the domestic goddess and in no time it's ship shape. I go to start curling Violette's hair and she's being the biggest turd she could possibly be. She won't sit still and I think I may have burned myself around five times with that damned curling iron. After about a half hour of fighting with her and trying to wrangle her into getting her hair done, I give up. It's curly enough, or so I thought. By the time we get to the place it isn't curly at all and now just looks crispy, like I sprayed too much hair spray in it. Fuck me to tears.
After I'm done with her hair I stand around and watch everyone else get their hair done. I've never seen anyone curl anyone's hair with a straight iron before, but that's how this lady was doing it. And it was looking really good. Everyone decided that I should go last because I have the thickest hair and it's hard for my hair to hold a curl for much longer than 20 minutes. Fawn's hair looks amazing. The lady did a really great job with everyone's hair, as a matter of fact. I was really impressed. So when it came time to do my hair I sat down and told her what I wanted and then told her that my hair is really hard to curl. She responds by telling me that I have perfect curling hair, that I have a lot of texture. She then proceeds to spray my hair maybe three times with short bursts of hairspray and before I know it my goddamned hair is curled! It was more than amazing. I felt like she had done some kind of David Copperfield shit on my hair. The kicker was that she had it done in less than a half hour. Holy balls. Anytime I've ever tried to curl my hair it always took something like two hours. So imagine my surprise when she whipped it into shape, and it was staying, in a half hour. My god, the lady was a miracle worker! And it looked so good!
I get dressed and slap some make-up on and we're out the door on our way to the place this shindig is going to go down. We have to be there early so we can get pictures taken. And not to toot my own horn or anything, but my transormation from mother of four into bridesmaid was FLAWLESS. I don't think I've ever looked so good. Even only having my hair done I looked like a completely different person. After it was all put together Mike's jaw just about dropped. Totally worth it. I can't tell you how many times he looked at me with a sparkle in his eye and told me I was absolutely gorgeous. God, how long have I been waiting for that one, huh? He looked absolutely amazing as well. He had a goldish-brown kinda shiny button down, long-sleeved shirt and black pants. His tie was striped with gold, creme and a dark brown that was damn near the color of my dress. It's funny, because in a way it kind of felt like a precursor to our own wedding day. A day that I'm now sure might actually happen.
Anyhoozlebees, we get there and start taking pictures. That went ok. I had been practicing my normal smile in the car on the way there because after looking goofy for so long for pictures I had almost forgotten how to pose like an actual normal person. Lol. I decided to avoid any snaggletooth appearances I was just going to smile close-lipped. So let's hope that I avoid looking like redneck linebacker in those pics, shall we?
The time came where we all crowded in the bathroom and waited for our cue. Someone was passing around an airline bottle of Southern Comfort and it lasts two rounds on 8 girls...explain that one to me. Erik's mom comes in and says it's time to go so we file out of there and walk up to the partition that hides us from the stage and the seated guests. I'm walking with Doug so we link arms and wait. I'm nervous as hell. First Deedra and Joey go. Then Dallas and Josh. Then it's our turn. I try to match his speed but it's all over the place...quick, slow, quick. That alone is making me nervous. Then we get up to the stage and there's three stairs in front of it that you have to walk up...duh...so I start the ascent. Since I'm holding onto Doug's arm with one hand and carrying a bouquet with another, I have no free hand to pick my skirt up to avoid stepping on it. I get to the top stair and suddenly become immobilized due to my skirt being stuck under my four inch stiletto heels! I'm basically just walking in place trying to move while my face proceeds to get bright red and I'm mumbling under my breath "oh my god! I can't move!" Finally after a few seconds I get it under control and manage to get up the stairs. God, that was embarassing! Never gonna forget that one.
And so then Krista and Justin come down the aisle. Then Violette and Leif. They were so cute I wanted to gag. Violette walked up to me and stood there for approximately 4 seconds before spending the remainder of the service twirling around onstage, playing with the curtain in the back and almost falling off the stage, and just generally driving me nuts and embarassing me. Not too bad, but I would have liked for the focus to be on Fawn and Erik since they were getting MARRIED. But the service was really short...probably only around 10 minutes, so that was nice. They said their I Do's, kissed, and it was over. THANK GOD.
The reception was nice. Rachel, her bf Dan, Dani and Tish, and Heidi were all there. I got to sit at the kids table though because I had Steven and Violette with me. That was alright. The rest of the reception was good. Good music and Mike actually took me out on the dance floor and danced with me. I thought I was just about ready to shit myself. He hates dancing. I didn't even have to ask him, though. We slow danced to a few songs and the whole wedding monster toyed with me like a kitten with a ball of yarn. What is it about weddings that amplify how much in love you are? Good lord. It's ridiculous.
So that's that. They took off and went to Mexico-Fawn's first airplane ride-and they're over there hopefully making babies so I can quit listening to her complain about her lack of breeding! NO MORE BABY STORY, FER CHRISSAKES! Plus, now I have something like 4 Armstrongs in my cell phone. It's funny. And if me and Mike ever get married then me and Fawn are going to have the same last name. Isn't that weird? Lol