Khan't sleep? Buy posters!
Yeah. It may not actually help you sleep, but you'll at least be happier while not sleeping! I've been thinking about this for weeks, sometimes being very close to buying it before reconsidering. It's a pretty pretty A1 poster with only him and no other... irrelevant people. ;-)
I have... ideas. Things I would find funny or rewarding to create if only somebody cared about them. No, I'm not allowed to feel like that, am I?. But when I poke around the fandom ( found some Khan/Sherlock/Cumberbatch fans on Tumblr ) I feel it's only a showcase for professional artists, popular/big name fans, and porn. And people who already are friends with each other. And I feel I could never write, draw, or even say, anything that people would even acknowledge. I'm just not talented or interesting enough.
And I don't like porn. Is there something wrong with me that I don't like seeing man parts and whips and buttplugs? Probably. The majority is always right, you know, and those who are different are simply labelled prude or homophobic or something. Second-class fandom citizens. Am I stupid for wanting to force myself to like porn? Somehow. Can you even do that?
This past week I've been really, really close to starting writing this little fluff/angst "de-Augmented!Khan catches a cold" hurt/comfort fic. Like, "writing sentences in my head" close. And somebody might actually like it because Kirk is sort of ( though he denies it! ) developing feelings for his ex-Augment officer. ( Yup, he ended up on the Enterprise. Don't ask me how, I'm just playing out a little h/c fantasy here! ;-p )
But then I browse the fandom and realize just how professional and productive ( and porny ) eveything is, and I wonder why I should even bother trying to please somebody. I've posted some ( very few ) things and nobody cared. Now I'm afraid that if I write/draw/comment more, I'm just going to annoy people and make them hate me, and not want to look at my stuff even if I practise and get better in the future.
Sometimes I think I might be happier if I just disconnected the internet for a while, and stopped comparing myself to everybody else. But then I think: What if somebody actually commented on something I posted? What if somebody had an interest in talking to me, and I wasn't there? I'd lose a chance to make a friend.
I have... ideas. Things I would find funny or rewarding to create if only somebody cared about them. No, I'm not allowed to feel like that, am I?. But when I poke around the fandom ( found some Khan/Sherlock/Cumberbatch fans on Tumblr ) I feel it's only a showcase for professional artists, popular/big name fans, and porn. And people who already are friends with each other. And I feel I could never write, draw, or even say, anything that people would even acknowledge. I'm just not talented or interesting enough.
And I don't like porn. Is there something wrong with me that I don't like seeing man parts and whips and buttplugs? Probably. The majority is always right, you know, and those who are different are simply labelled prude or homophobic or something. Second-class fandom citizens. Am I stupid for wanting to force myself to like porn? Somehow. Can you even do that?
This past week I've been really, really close to starting writing this little fluff/angst "de-Augmented!Khan catches a cold" hurt/comfort fic. Like, "writing sentences in my head" close. And somebody might actually like it because Kirk is sort of ( though he denies it! ) developing feelings for his ex-Augment officer. ( Yup, he ended up on the Enterprise. Don't ask me how, I'm just playing out a little h/c fantasy here! ;-p )
But then I browse the fandom and realize just how professional and productive ( and porny ) eveything is, and I wonder why I should even bother trying to please somebody. I've posted some ( very few ) things and nobody cared. Now I'm afraid that if I write/draw/comment more, I'm just going to annoy people and make them hate me, and not want to look at my stuff even if I practise and get better in the future.
Sometimes I think I might be happier if I just disconnected the internet for a while, and stopped comparing myself to everybody else. But then I think: What if somebody actually commented on something I posted? What if somebody had an interest in talking to me, and I wasn't there? I'd lose a chance to make a friend.