Internet Usage and Waste of Time
I've been doing a bit of testing, and realized that I can pretty much do everything I need and actually want to do on the internet in 15 minutes a day. The only times things take longer is if I'm in a conversation, or if I'm having an eBay shopping spree. The rest of the time? I'm reading conversations I'm not taking part in ( mostly on trekbbs ) and My Little Pony fanfic. This can fill a couple of hours every day, in the weekends pretty much all day. And it's getting increasingly boring.
Life is too short to waste on things that are basically just killing time, not giving any real enjoyment and certainly not earning me any friends. I guess it's partly because when I've dealt with all the real life things I need to deal with, I don't have much energy left to do something that requires active participation. But there should be some, shouldn't there? Even watching TV or reading a book somehow seems like a chore right now. ( Still I've dragged myself into the city in the evening to watch STID twice, and I want to do it again. Because pretty. )
I guess it's also partly because I made several bad decisions about fandom activity in the past, which didn't end up well for me. I've since realized my limitations. But I suppose that a combination of being forced to face this, and later lurking various internet communities/archives so much, has made me fear that I'm either going to end up biting off too much again, or that there's nothing I could contribute to any fandom.
Yes, I realize that I'm the one who has to change something. I'm not expecting friends to fall out of the sky or people to ask me to write fanfics. How can they even know I exist when I don't post anywhere? But as soon as I start thinking about doing something creative or fandom-y, my brain starts running in circles and tiring itself out. On the rare occasions when I actually produce something, it always takes disproportionally much time and energy for a very humble result.
Will it get easier eventually if I work at it? Or should I just accept that my days of being creative and participating in something are over? Is my brain doing this to protect itself, or am I just being... stupid?
Life is too short to waste on things that are basically just killing time, not giving any real enjoyment and certainly not earning me any friends. I guess it's partly because when I've dealt with all the real life things I need to deal with, I don't have much energy left to do something that requires active participation. But there should be some, shouldn't there? Even watching TV or reading a book somehow seems like a chore right now. ( Still I've dragged myself into the city in the evening to watch STID twice, and I want to do it again. Because pretty. )
I guess it's also partly because I made several bad decisions about fandom activity in the past, which didn't end up well for me. I've since realized my limitations. But I suppose that a combination of being forced to face this, and later lurking various internet communities/archives so much, has made me fear that I'm either going to end up biting off too much again, or that there's nothing I could contribute to any fandom.
Yes, I realize that I'm the one who has to change something. I'm not expecting friends to fall out of the sky or people to ask me to write fanfics. How can they even know I exist when I don't post anywhere? But as soon as I start thinking about doing something creative or fandom-y, my brain starts running in circles and tiring itself out. On the rare occasions when I actually produce something, it always takes disproportionally much time and energy for a very humble result.
Will it get easier eventually if I work at it? Or should I just accept that my days of being creative and participating in something are over? Is my brain doing this to protect itself, or am I just being... stupid?