Welcome to the Jungle.

[tinabina3]

Well, once again I don't really know how to start this thing. I don't wanna come across whiny or needy here. But I also don't want to try and put an overly positive spin on things, as I am wont to do. I'd like to just give a fair and truthful assessment of where my life is at the moment. Here goes...

Comments

[mikeashke]

*big hug* I love you much.

[tinabina3]

And I love you, my dear!

[holdfastdreams]

you know, if you hadn't gone for it in the fall, you would have spent your life wondering if you had made a mistake. i think what you did is amazing! and i think you are amazing. i know what it feels like to be in a humanities grad program (job market, winnowing, etc), and at least you are smarter than moi by leaving sooner. i stuck it out for 2-3 yrs only to accumulate school debt that i am still paying off, which does remind me every month how wonderfully educated i am (duhhhhhh - ha) ;) you are wiser than i was back then sister. i went through a short phase where i wanted to make movies, with zero experience in even using a camera or creative writing. but, hell, if you dont take that leap of faith then you never take chances ever, and grow as a person. we all have to leap in our own way to reach for dreams, and yours continues to be a beautiful one, grasshopper.

[tinabina3]

Thank you, Miki. I really do appreciate the different perspective you bring to my siutation having been through something roughly similar only many years ago. And you're right about the regret I would have had if I hadn't given this a try -- that's how I got into this mess in the first place: I figured, I've gotta give applying to those Ph.D. programs one more shot, so that I won't spend my life wondering if I could have gotten in! :)

But that is why I don't have any real regrets in coming here. I know I made the best decision I could at the time I made it. The problem now is, I've been on this very particular path for so long, how on earth do I begin to find a new one??

[holdfastdreams]

It will happen naturally and slowly, and opportunities just guide us to other opportunities, but only as long as you never give up on your dreams. at least, that is what i believe. i saw a pretty neat quote on a mouse pad the other day that said that success is filled with falling and rising, but that success just means that the last period of time we observe is when we are rising. ok, so that is roughly what i remember, and i realize i wont have a job making those cool inspirational posters with a guy rowing a boat.

[tinabina3]

Frankly, I've always loved the de-inspiration posters better! :)

[yankeejetta]

Of course you made the right decision. Both trying at Perdue, and realizing that it wasn't for you. I agree with holdfastdreasm, you may have spent your whole life wondering why you HADN'T gone to Perdue if you had let the opportunity slip by

[tinabina3]

Yes, and I agree with both you and holdfastdreams... you're both some pretty smart ladies, after all! :)

It WILL get better, you are right about that, too. Waiting for that to happen is hard, but I keep holding out because deep down I know there is a much brighter day out there somewhere...

I hadn't thought too much about the SAD, but it's definitely a point well taken. I am certainly depressed about the weather here (snow is beautiful but mostly a big P.I.T.A.), but the lack of sunny days is certainly a contributing factor in the moods of a gal who grew up in the Sunshine State!

I really appreciate your perspective on being grateful for the experience of being here in Podunk, Indiana. And I especially enjoy the way you worded the phrase, "I ever did to myself". I keep thinking about what I have "done to myself" in putting myself in this situation, it's nice to think about it in positive ways as an opportunity for growth that I have created just for me. :)

Thank you for the encouraging words!