(no subject)
"remember that night you were convinced your friend was fuckin your man?"
"oh, that night i went crazy? yeah, i remember. no i don't remember, because i'm still crazy and i haven't gotten 'out of it' yet"
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i never understood jealous bitches - i always got the self-fulfilling aspect of jealousy - which is why i always went to great lengths to prove i wasn't jealous on three different occasions with three different people. i wanted to prove that the manipulation game was something desperate people played - which is how i've recently felt about drama - just ignore it, wait for everyone else to grow out of it - break the CYCLE - (but what's wrong with desperation? - we're all fucking desperate) and now i just feel sorry for myself, for the situations, because maybe we should have duked it out instead of ignoring this very real aspect of relationships. the next time i am jealous oh BOY will you know, instead of the evil eye at you and then opportunistic eye at random bars with random guys and then later, the evil eye focused squarely on myself,
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on my worst days his intentions were one-track:
"i like your outfit...it's see-through"
"YOU'RE FUCKING SEE-THROUGH"
on my best he had no intentions; he was just thinking out loud:
"are you going to miss me? can i come visit you?"
"if you want"
and somewhere in the middle was this:
"you just don't know what to make of me, do you? do you GET me?"
"there's something to get?"
"oh, that night i went crazy? yeah, i remember. no i don't remember, because i'm still crazy and i haven't gotten 'out of it' yet"
-------
i never understood jealous bitches - i always got the self-fulfilling aspect of jealousy - which is why i always went to great lengths to prove i wasn't jealous on three different occasions with three different people. i wanted to prove that the manipulation game was something desperate people played - which is how i've recently felt about drama - just ignore it, wait for everyone else to grow out of it - break the CYCLE - (but what's wrong with desperation? - we're all fucking desperate) and now i just feel sorry for myself, for the situations, because maybe we should have duked it out instead of ignoring this very real aspect of relationships. the next time i am jealous oh BOY will you know, instead of the evil eye at you and then opportunistic eye at random bars with random guys and then later, the evil eye focused squarely on myself,
-------
on my worst days his intentions were one-track:
"i like your outfit...it's see-through"
"YOU'RE FUCKING SEE-THROUGH"
on my best he had no intentions; he was just thinking out loud:
"are you going to miss me? can i come visit you?"
"if you want"
and somewhere in the middle was this:
"you just don't know what to make of me, do you? do you GET me?"
"there's something to get?"