quit quit quit quit quit
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maybe this is what a mid-life crisis boils down to, complete & utter boredom for most everything. i'm not talking about that "i wish i was tired so i could sleep through this class" type boredom, i'm talking "i fucking can't take another step, i've done it too many times" type boredom. where is my flashy new car my snapping at work & taking everyone down with me my I'M STANDING ON THE TOP OF A 34 STORY BUILDING & THIS LEDGE LOOKS NICE moment. maybe i'd say this more if i wasn't so stable. the grounded girl who's tired of gravity. i dropped calculus but forgot to tell everyone my real reason. i couldn't handle that class because it's so incredibly predictable. one and one will always be two. give me something that will blow my mind. i need it.
it's not you, it's me. it's not the first time you've heard it or the last. oh lord you people save me from giving up on keeping a steady pulse sometimes. my vital organs must be going out of their minds by now, what with their steady jobs & little hope for anything new. i'm tired of my music because i've hit repeat too many times, tired of waking up because i'm just going to wind up back asleep, tired of moving because i'm going to wind up back where i started. surprise me, please. BE YOUR VERY BEST, it makes me feel like summer in my veins when you do. wake me up before even art is mundane to me. i'm working on myself but this is a lifelong chore. i've crossed the line & pessimism reeks of me. i'm going to sleep. when i wake up, maybe i'll start screaming secrets or feel like electricity once again. i don't want to feel backwards anymore.