From The Start [1/?]
Blaine loved Kurt. It was obvious, not because of the consistency with which Blaine told him, but because of the way he said it, all tenderness and openness and that special little sparkle in his eyes when he said it.
It was also obvious that Blaine was bored.
That sparkle was only there when accompanied by an “I love you.” The tenderness was either preceded or followed by annoyance. The openness they’d always had seemed far gone.
The Warblers were picking up on it too. Kurt hadn’t seen them nearly as much since returning to McKinley, but what he had seen of them had bothered him. They were all picking up on it, too. They knew Blaine was bored with Kurt. Wes in particular seemed very tuned-in to what was going on; he would give progressively more pitying looks to Kurt every time he looked at him, and having hushed conversations with Blaine that they didn’t think Kurt would overhear.
“If you’re not going to go into this wholeheartedly, then break it off. You’re hurting him.”
“I love him!”
“I don’t doubt that. But you’re not interested because there’s no conflict. You don’t have to chase him. It’s always been about chasing something for you. Chasing goals, chasing dreams, chasing solos, chasing boys. You never cared about the result. Once you got something you took it for granted. You always have. Don’t argue, you know it’s true.”
“I’m not going to break up with him for that.”
“So you’re going to continue hurting him?”
“I’m not trying to hurt him.”
“But you are hurting him. Kurt loves you, and no matter how much you say you love him back it isn’t the same. He loves you with his whole heart, and you’re not doing the same.”
“I can fake it.”
“No, you can’t. You can’t fake love, even if you’re only faking part of it. You’ve been trying to for a while now and it isn’t working. He knows, Blaine.”
“I don’t want this to be over. I really care about him.”
“It’s been over.”
A sigh. “I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t want to.”
000
It was inevitable that they would break up, really. In the end, Kurt did it. He ripped off the band-aid before it got too attached, just over a week after leaving Dalton.
“I love you, Blaine, and I know you love me, too, but this isn’t working out. I’m sorry.”
They managed a rare feat; they stayed friends. It was strained, of course -- after having dragged out a failing relationship far longer than necessary, it was to be expected -- but better than anything they could have hoped for.
000
“So you and Blaine broke up,” Mercedes stated, handing him his coffee.
Kurt sipped at it, burning his lips slightly before holding it out at arm’s length. “Mm-hmm.” He held his free hand up to his lips. “Ow.”
“…You alright?”
“Oh, yes, it’s just a little burn--“
“No, I mean--” Mercedes sighed. “I mean about Blaine.”
“Oh. Well, I’m okay. I could see it coming, really. He was bored. I tried to keep us together, but… Eventually it just wasn’t worth it anymore.” He shrugged and placed his coffee down gently on the table. “Honestly, we were doomed from the start.”
Mercedes sat down across from him. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Absolutely.” He grinned. “We’re even still friends. I guess I’m just glad it’s finally over. Now I can move on to bigger and better things.”
As he looked out at the street, a red letter jacket caught his eye.
Dave Karofsky.
Of course.
000
When Blaine was found passed out drunk the night after their breakup by his roommate, Kurt had turned right back around from his drive home, and he had stayed with Blaine until he woke up the next morning, head about to split open in pain.
When Kurt found out that Blaine had spent the next week whoring himself to every bicurious Dalton student who asked, he hadn’t shied away from him, despite that Blaine constantly smelled like things Kurt didn’t want to think about quite yet. Kurt helped him regain some of the self-respect he’d lost, and then gave him a good smack in the head when he’d recovered enough that he could take it.
But Kurt didn’t trust him with everything like he had before. It wasn’t really because they broke up. It was because they were at different schools. They didn’t see each other every day like they had when Kurt had gone to Dalton, and Kurt had all his old friends around him in Glee, friends who had diverse enough experiences that he didn’t feel he needed to go to Blaine. As for the gay thing, he decided he didn’t need any advice about that after all. He was comfortable with who he was. Shouldn’t he be passing that on, instead of pretending he needed help with it?
And pass it on he did.
He found Santana in the choir room during lunch, when he went looking for Mr. Schue to suggest a song for the upcoming bullying assembly. She was just sitting there, staring at the whiteboard, as if there was something incredibly interesting hidden in the stains left there by the markers. When she saw him, she put her head in her hands and started to shake.
That was the first time Kurt ever successfully helped someone accept their sexual orientation.
He wondered why that was. Hadn’t he come back to McKinley because Karofsky had calmed down enough that Kurt thought he might be able to help him?
But he didn’t question it. Karofsky hadn’t come near him since he transferred back. Quite literally, in fact; whenever the former bully saw Kurt, he immediately turned around and went back the way he came. Kurt asked around, but there didn’t seem to be any sort of restraining order set up by the school. Puck had threatened Karofsky with bodily harm (specifically, the forceful and painful removal of his external reproductive organs), but if Puck’s retelling of the story was to be trusted, Karofsky had just said “I know” and left.
So, it was just Dave Karofsky keeping his distance. Kurt could appreciate that.
Besides, Kurt was busy. He was busy setting up the harmonies for their nearly-a-cappella rendition of “Born This Way”; busy being convinced by his Glee peers that he was, in fact, the very definition of sexy (Puck had said “I mean, if I were into dudes…” and didn’t even have to finish the sentence before the rest of the guys agreed with him); busy trying to learn the dance moves that Mike was convinced he could pull off; busy getting into the swing of not having to study his ass off to maintain his grades; busy keeping his texts to Blaine personal enough to keep the boy sane but not so personal as to let him back in as far as he’d been before.
And then, a week before the assembly, Dave Karofsky showed up to Glee practice.
It was also obvious that Blaine was bored.
That sparkle was only there when accompanied by an “I love you.” The tenderness was either preceded or followed by annoyance. The openness they’d always had seemed far gone.
The Warblers were picking up on it too. Kurt hadn’t seen them nearly as much since returning to McKinley, but what he had seen of them had bothered him. They were all picking up on it, too. They knew Blaine was bored with Kurt. Wes in particular seemed very tuned-in to what was going on; he would give progressively more pitying looks to Kurt every time he looked at him, and having hushed conversations with Blaine that they didn’t think Kurt would overhear.
“If you’re not going to go into this wholeheartedly, then break it off. You’re hurting him.”
“I love him!”
“I don’t doubt that. But you’re not interested because there’s no conflict. You don’t have to chase him. It’s always been about chasing something for you. Chasing goals, chasing dreams, chasing solos, chasing boys. You never cared about the result. Once you got something you took it for granted. You always have. Don’t argue, you know it’s true.”
“I’m not going to break up with him for that.”
“So you’re going to continue hurting him?”
“I’m not trying to hurt him.”
“But you are hurting him. Kurt loves you, and no matter how much you say you love him back it isn’t the same. He loves you with his whole heart, and you’re not doing the same.”
“I can fake it.”
“No, you can’t. You can’t fake love, even if you’re only faking part of it. You’ve been trying to for a while now and it isn’t working. He knows, Blaine.”
“I don’t want this to be over. I really care about him.”
“It’s been over.”
A sigh. “I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t want to.”
000
It was inevitable that they would break up, really. In the end, Kurt did it. He ripped off the band-aid before it got too attached, just over a week after leaving Dalton.
“I love you, Blaine, and I know you love me, too, but this isn’t working out. I’m sorry.”
They managed a rare feat; they stayed friends. It was strained, of course -- after having dragged out a failing relationship far longer than necessary, it was to be expected -- but better than anything they could have hoped for.
000
“So you and Blaine broke up,” Mercedes stated, handing him his coffee.
Kurt sipped at it, burning his lips slightly before holding it out at arm’s length. “Mm-hmm.” He held his free hand up to his lips. “Ow.”
“…You alright?”
“Oh, yes, it’s just a little burn--“
“No, I mean--” Mercedes sighed. “I mean about Blaine.”
“Oh. Well, I’m okay. I could see it coming, really. He was bored. I tried to keep us together, but… Eventually it just wasn’t worth it anymore.” He shrugged and placed his coffee down gently on the table. “Honestly, we were doomed from the start.”
Mercedes sat down across from him. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Absolutely.” He grinned. “We’re even still friends. I guess I’m just glad it’s finally over. Now I can move on to bigger and better things.”
As he looked out at the street, a red letter jacket caught his eye.
Dave Karofsky.
Of course.
000
When Blaine was found passed out drunk the night after their breakup by his roommate, Kurt had turned right back around from his drive home, and he had stayed with Blaine until he woke up the next morning, head about to split open in pain.
When Kurt found out that Blaine had spent the next week whoring himself to every bicurious Dalton student who asked, he hadn’t shied away from him, despite that Blaine constantly smelled like things Kurt didn’t want to think about quite yet. Kurt helped him regain some of the self-respect he’d lost, and then gave him a good smack in the head when he’d recovered enough that he could take it.
But Kurt didn’t trust him with everything like he had before. It wasn’t really because they broke up. It was because they were at different schools. They didn’t see each other every day like they had when Kurt had gone to Dalton, and Kurt had all his old friends around him in Glee, friends who had diverse enough experiences that he didn’t feel he needed to go to Blaine. As for the gay thing, he decided he didn’t need any advice about that after all. He was comfortable with who he was. Shouldn’t he be passing that on, instead of pretending he needed help with it?
And pass it on he did.
He found Santana in the choir room during lunch, when he went looking for Mr. Schue to suggest a song for the upcoming bullying assembly. She was just sitting there, staring at the whiteboard, as if there was something incredibly interesting hidden in the stains left there by the markers. When she saw him, she put her head in her hands and started to shake.
That was the first time Kurt ever successfully helped someone accept their sexual orientation.
He wondered why that was. Hadn’t he come back to McKinley because Karofsky had calmed down enough that Kurt thought he might be able to help him?
But he didn’t question it. Karofsky hadn’t come near him since he transferred back. Quite literally, in fact; whenever the former bully saw Kurt, he immediately turned around and went back the way he came. Kurt asked around, but there didn’t seem to be any sort of restraining order set up by the school. Puck had threatened Karofsky with bodily harm (specifically, the forceful and painful removal of his external reproductive organs), but if Puck’s retelling of the story was to be trusted, Karofsky had just said “I know” and left.
So, it was just Dave Karofsky keeping his distance. Kurt could appreciate that.
Besides, Kurt was busy. He was busy setting up the harmonies for their nearly-a-cappella rendition of “Born This Way”; busy being convinced by his Glee peers that he was, in fact, the very definition of sexy (Puck had said “I mean, if I were into dudes…” and didn’t even have to finish the sentence before the rest of the guys agreed with him); busy trying to learn the dance moves that Mike was convinced he could pull off; busy getting into the swing of not having to study his ass off to maintain his grades; busy keeping his texts to Blaine personal enough to keep the boy sane but not so personal as to let him back in as far as he’d been before.
And then, a week before the assembly, Dave Karofsky showed up to Glee practice.