From The Start [18/?]
Genre: Drama/romance/LGBT study
Ratings/Warnings: T
Fandom: Glee
Characters/Pairings: Ensemble / Kurtofsky (main), Brittanna, Davetana friendship, Faberry, etc.
Summary: Relationships are messy and teenagers are confusing. Love is hard enough without the added stress of being gay. Kurt tries to make sense of all of this, but maybe it's better if it doesn't make sense.
As soon as Kurt walked into his house, he started freaking out.
“Finn! Where are you, you complete dork?”
Said dork came running down the stairs, smacking into the wall at the turn and nearly falling the rest of the way. “What’s wrong?”
“I am freaking out.”
“What happened? Did Santana hurt you?”
Kurt glared at him. “Like she would ever come near me. She did tell me to kiss Dave, though.”
“…And you’re freaking out about this, why?”
“Because somehow things get screwed up completely every time I fall in love with someone, and I am falling in love with him way too soon. I thought I got over that habit, but apparently not.”
“Well, I guess you can be happy that it started out screwed up, and it can only get normal from here.”
Kurt glared at him.
“I’m just trying to help! Look, it’s not like you’ve been chasing him for months and then he fucked things up. He’s been after you for forever and you’re the one who screwed it up!” Finn smiled as if he had said something incredibly intelligent. Kurt shoved his hands into his pockets to keep from punching him.
“You. Are. Terribly. Unhelpful.”
“That’s a good thing! He’s crazy about you, and considering he still hates himself he’ll think he deserves whatever you did wrong -- which you still haven’t explained to me -- and so it’s like you didn’t even do anything.”
Kurt’s legs gave out and he slid to the floor in frustration. “That would be taking advantage of him. I basically told him it’s his fault I’m not dating him.”
“Wait, I thought this was some big deal because you did start dating him.”
“No! I would have started with that! I told him that I’m not dating him until he starts to love himself, which is true, but I feel like I made it sound terrible.”
“How’d he take it?”
“He said it was what he needed to hear. But he’ll probably think about it and realize that I was a complete ass--”
“Kurt. Shut up for five seconds.” He waited a moment to make sure Kurt complied. “You’re being an idiot. Dave’s not you. He doesn’t second-guess everything. He’s impulsive. He does shit the second he thinks about it. That’s what playing a sport teaches you. While you’re off the field, you think about what could happen and think of all the possibilities and pick the best one. While you’re on the field, you do the first thing that comes to mind. He only thinks about things later if they felt wrong, which is why he feels like shit for bullying you. That never felt right to him. But if what you said felt right then, then he’s not going to think twice on it.”
“…Are you done?”
“Yeah.”
“When the hell did you grow a brain? That was brilliant.”
“I don’t know. I think I first noticed I was smart when I decided to dance with you at our parents’ wedding. So are you done freaking out? I have to go back to my plan for getting Rachel back.”
Kurt nodded. “I’m done. For now, at least.”
“Great!” Finn ran back up the stairs.
“I expect an explanation later!” Kurt yelled after him. He felt like it did matter, and a whole lot, and he wasn’t about to let it go.
000
Monday morning brought four extremely sleepy Gleeks, ten moderately tired ones, and an unexpectedly awake Mr. Schue. It also brought one of the most incredible fights McKinley High had ever seen.
When Santana first walked in, holding hands with Brittany, every head turned towards them, and every voice went silent. She turned to Kurt, on her other side, and said, “I told you everyone would find out.” Immediately after, she was approached by every non-Glee member of the football team, each holding two slushies.
Kurt had expected this and yanked the plastic floor-cover he’d used when painting Santana’s room out of his bag. He tossed it over the three of them just before the colorful ice started to fly.
As soon as the slushie shower ended, there was shouting and the sounds of running, followed but what sounded like a small waterfall. Kurt shook the plastic slightly and peered through. He could just barely make out what looked like tie-dye cheerleading uniforms.
“Nice job, Queerios!” Coach Sylvester’s voice boomed from her megaphone. “Teen gays, you may now proceed to class without fear of violence.”
Kurt could have cried of gratitude. From the shaking body next to him, he suspected Santana was crying already. Some of the ‘Queerios’ lifted the front of the sticky plastic and pulled it over their heads, careful not to get any slushie on them. Their uniforms really were just tie-dye versions of the regular Cheerio ones.
Becky came up to Santana and shoved a box of tissues in front of her. “Wipe your face, you look like you ran into a wall.”
Santana laughed and grabbed the box. Brittany pulled out a few tissues and started wiping at Santana’s tears.
“Come on now, you can have your PDA in class,” Sue shouted. “Get a move on!”
000
Santana and Kurt had at least one Cheerio -- or, rather, a Queerio -- in every one of their classes, and each one had a fresh slushie sitting on her desk and the approval of Coach Sylvester to use it on anyone who dared come near either of them with ill intentions. They were escorted between classes by no less than three Queerios each. Kurt tired of it by the break between second and third period, but he kept up a façade of smiles so they’d keep protecting Santana. Brittany didn’t have the same protection, simply because they knew no one would go near her. It was just one of those unspoken rules between the bullies -- give Kurt time to take off his designer shit before tossing him in the dumpster, go in groups whenever possible, watch out for Puck the Bodyguard, and don’t touch Brittany.
They finally let off after dropping off Kurt and Santana at Glee practice. Kurt immediately pulled out the music he’d printed out the night before. “Mr. Schue, if I may?”
“Go ahead.”
Kurt started to hand the sheets out to everyone. “This song was on the Beatles mix I made earlier this year, I assume you all know the song well enough to sing at least the chorus with me. I need Santana and Dave on the first and third verses respectively, is that okay? I’ll do the second and fourth-- Quinn, why are you getting up? I didn’t call you.”
“I’d like to take the fourth verse…if that’s okay with you.”
“Um. There was a point to calling these specific people.”
“I know.” She twisted her hands in her skirt. “I fit that category of people.”
Kurt shook his head. “Quinn, if I were to have every queer person sing a verse we’d have half the club and not enough verses to go around. I’m just asking for--”
“The gays. I know.”
For a tense moment, Kurt stared at Quinn, unsure if he’d heard her correctly. Then his eyes drifted to the rest of the club, immediately drawn to the shocked faces that Finn and Puck were making at each other. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s fine with me.”
They all sat down on stools, left to right in the order they would sing. Kurt held out his hands to Dave and Santana. They held his hands, and Dave extended his other one to Quinn, who grabbed it and held on tightly. Kurt nodded to the band and they started to play. Santana began:
Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall
If she's gone I can't go on
Feelin' two-foot small
As her part dictated, she spun on the stool to face the back wall and put her head in her hands before Kurt started to sing.
Everywhere people stare
Each and every day
I can see them laugh at me
And I hear them say
Kurt imitated Santana’s earlier movement while the rest of the club sang the chorus.
Hey, you've got to hide your love away
Hey, you've got to hide your love away
Dave’s voice broke on his verse, and Kurt realized belatedly that giving Dave the most depressing verse was probably not one of his best ideas.
How can I even try
I can never win
Hearing them, seeing them
In the state I'm in
Dave followed Santana and Kurt’s example, turning around and hunching forward slightly.
Normally Quinn kept her feelings only in her expressions, and kept her voice calm, but her desperation showed through her voice for once.
How could she say to me
Love will find a way
Gather round all you clowns
Let me hear you say
She turned around like the other three and they stayed that way until the rest of the group finished the repeated chorus.
Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away
Dave put his arm around Quinn, pulling her in. She leaned into him and whispered into his chest, “I can see why Kurt likes you. You’re like a giant teddy bear.”
Dave let out a short laugh. “He said that, once.”