Another Miserable Friday
All week I look forward to Friday - the outlook of a few days off, recovery from the (likely) beer infusion the night before, treating myself to driving in and buying lunch (rather than bussing in and packing a lunch) - it's all good. Friday is the longest day I have at work, as our branch is open a full hour later than other weekdays, but it goes by in a flash. I'm always excited for when that symbolic whistle blows and we can all hang it up for a few days.
Then, by the time I come home, I realize that my life is a shallow shell of nothingness. That isn't to say that I have a terrible life - I'm blessed in comparison to most I know. I've got a loving family, I'm well (enough) off, good health, friends that I appreciate (and vice versa), and a darling Katbeast for whom I have unending love and nuggles. Yet, there is a lot missing in my life, or a lot I'd like to fix up.
Kat and I had a bit of a heated converstaion tonight about how much of a jerk and man-child I often am and always am (respectively). I took the prior as honest and accepted it - I'm a patient guy but I'm not a saint, so I do lose it on occasion - but I took the latter as a major insult, especially when I thought that was something Kat initially appreciated in me. But even beyond that, I take that as a slight because I see it as being immature. Pee Wee Herman and Mr. Bean are the definition of a man-child, not me. Just because I'm young at heart (in accordance with some of my interests) and I'm not bitter and jaded all the time, that does not make me a man-child. I'm serious and empathetic when I need to be. But I like to be positive and fun all the time if possible - it's contagious and it makes people feel good. But due to this argument, which spawned another argument, I inadvertantly gave Kat another wicked headache and that pretty much screwed my (and her) whole weekend right there.
I know anything I bitch about in comparison to what Kat's unfortunately going through will be entirely pale, but it is very difficult being on the outside looking in, trying to be there for someone you love a tonne without being there in person, and being able to interact with someone who is too sick/tired/vegetablistic a lot of the time to interact back. It wears on the patience - and that's where a lot of my short spastic moments would come from. It's tough, even if your heart is strong, which mine is. That's what keeps me going, and I've never truly felt that I'd want to leave my lovely Katbeast. I just miss her terribly.
Another thing that bugs me these days is that Kat and I haven't moved out yet. I love being with my folks and I love my home and I'm a sucker for nostalgia (which my home is full of) - but I need my own space. All my friends are moving out/away, I want to do the same, if I find the right place. Thing is, despite my efforts to look, I want Kat to do it with me. For something like this, I actually would like someone to hold my hand as I go through it - especially since she's done it before, and I don't want to make a crappy decision for her. I gotta keep checking the Georgia Strait's ads for this stuff, cuz the regular stuff in the big dailies haven't been working. It's all too expensive.
I also have a major love/hate relationship with my work. I really do like all the people I work with, and like my days at Shell, that's what kept me coming back. I even like the clients. But damn, our branch is the busiest and most annoying branch in our entire district - that's the pitfall of being located at a major transportation hub. Long before I came to the branch we had a terrible "NPS" score - which is basically a rating we are given by a handful of our clients that are contacted for a survey by telephone. As a way to fix this, we are always supposed to help clients first, no questions asked, even if we're in the middle of doing something else. No ifs, ands, or buts - sometimes we're even made to sacrifice our government-regulated breaks and lunch hours to keep that in check.
It's absolutely draining and frustrating, because even when we have a full staff, we never have enough people.
I can deal with that sort of stress, though. What I can't deal with are being chided like a stupid toddler for doing something wrong (though I was told it was the right way by someone else) or just plain being picked on. It's not just me that gets it, but it hurts. If I do something wrong I'm man enough to stand up and admit and get what's coming to me - but if I feel like I'm being needlessly and unfairly belittled then I get very disgusted and insulted. I have a meeting with my assistant manager forthcoming this week and I look to bring this up with her. It doesn't happen often - but it definitely is often enough to piss me off.
Another thing at work that is driving me batty is how I work my ass off, do a great job about, conservatively, 90% of the time, it's not showing up in my results. As with any customer service job, you have targets you have to reach - a certain amount of things to sell, etc. For me, I need to "refer" people to our specialists to open accounts, investments, and the like. Lately all my co-workers - even the far newer ones - have been cashing in, just due to the luck of the draw of people that come to their wicket for business. Some of these people are people I've been working on for some time now, but after all my hard work, it gets raped away at the last minute - and there isn't a thing I can do about it. Not only that, my priority is to deal with the commercial customers, which take far longer (due to more cash that needs counting) and I see them on a regular basis so I already know if they're in the market for a new account, investment, or whatnot.
Blargh.
Fridays should rule, but they mostly suck. At least my jasmine-flavoured tea is good for ol' T-Bag.