Inpatient
Well, I've done it. I've made the decision, with the help of my husband to go to an inpatient treatment; as long as my insurance company okays it. I'm scared, nervous, excited, and confused all at the same time. Part of me wants to go, to finally get better and the other part of me doesn't because I'm afraid of what that might entail. What if I find out that there is no getting better, what if nothing will ever be able to help me and I'm just a messed up, mentally deficient lost cause. Also, I know it sounds stupid but I don't know if I'm sick enough to go inpatient. Yes, I've had an ed for more than half of my life and this is the only thing I haven't done yet to try and help myself, but I just don't feel like my body is skinny enough or sick enough to be in need of inpatient treatment. I so want to lose another 10 lbs before I even begin to think of eating normally again. As I'm writing this I feel so completely juvenille and stupid. It's classic ed thoughts, no different from anyone else who has ever had to face recovery. I know I need to do this, I just hope I have it in me to want to do this.