reply to H

[timothy_speedle]

This new..almost sly Horatio was cute. When Horatio admitted to the mirror, Timothy smiled. “There’s a lot of new things I wanted to try with you. Mirror, fist, roleplay..” Timothy laughed quietly, shaking his head. He never did admit to any of these things before and he absolutely regretted that. He wouldn’t allow it to happen again. “Out in the

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[h_caine]

There was a faint note of injury in his last statement. As much as his brother’s attention was almost always of an unwanted kind to have Raymond ignoring him was almost worse. Ray had been his cross to bear for so long he felt off-balance now that weight was gone from his shoulders. In a twisted way, hidden deep inside him and never consciously voiced, he hoped for his brother to go astray. That way he could rush in and pick him up, dust him off and be the hero yet again. The selfless martyr walking his lonely path of caring for everyone but himself. Finding himself not a police officer in a highly visible, highly important way for the first time in his life left him stumbling. Having Speed helped, Speed was a cause. He remembered after Megan Donner quit the lab having lunch with her some months later and her asking after the staff- Speed being a hot topic:
‘Is Speedle still there?’
“Yes, of course.”
‘Really? He hasn’t buggered off somewhere else? Been fired? Crashed into a guardrail and decapitated himself? Isn’t he driving you crazy?’
“What do you mean?”
‘He doesn’t clean his gun, he doesn’t follow dress code, he’s terrible with the press. His attitude is just terrible in general. How do you expect to safely carry a proper SoC kit to scenes on a chopper? Do you know how many slides he goes through moving his kit that way?! We had to have an entire ‘shit Speedle breaks’ budget! He ended up just borrowing Calleigh‘s stuff half the time.’
“He does very good work. Very...good work. He is just a little lost right now, he needs guidance. Some horses run better in the harness, remember? I seem to recall I have been a thorn in the side of every supervisor I have ever had, present company included.”
‘I don't think discipline helps if you blissfully disregard it, Horatio. And I don't think you could ever make a Horatio Caine out of a Timothy Speedle!‘ “Well, I have been ‘a Horatio Caine’ all of my life and I would not particularly recommend it....”
Of course Speed did not turn out to be 'lost’ at all- he turned out to just be Speed. And H had not needed a harness so much as he needed a jockey- a position his boy eagerly filled. Which was more than enough for Horatio. Speedle kept him from taking himself too seriously, kept him from going through the motions in auto pilot.
Horatio pursed his lips and then wet them with the tip of his tongue. His mind was full of memories, images that flashed briefly or lingered for a few seconds like a motion picture. A muddy Tim on a canal bank with reflected light from the water painting pale blue swirls and slashes across his jeans. The day when he first join the lab and at start of his own shift and end of hers he had found Calleigh by her locker hunched up with slender arms crossed across her perfect chest. Green eyes narrowed and lips pouty, looking tiny and huffy like a toy dog after a bath. 'He’s mean, Lieutenant Caine, he’s messy and mean and I don’t like him.’ Lieutenant Caine, he was still enough of a stranger to be Lt. Caine to Calleigh back then! It had taken a while to soothe the little blonde’s ruffled feathers over Speedle whose sarcasm did not mesh with her warm, open earnestness. Though by the time he inherited his three experts from Donner they had formed a cohesive trio- the occasional drained-and-not-recharged UV light battery incident aside. Fast forward and there was Speed managing to glare at a film negative with such an air of scorn as if that alone could make the image captured upon it change. In his cyan lab coat that despite being professionally pressed by the lab linens staff somehow managed to become wrinkled as soon as Tim put it on. The image in his mind was framed by panes of the glass paneled door he had watched him through. Then suddenly he had become aware of being watched himself. It was Frank and when Horatio turned he was getting a taste of his own ‘hands on the hips, head cocked’ look and he could still recall how the blush that rose across his skin made the top of his earlobes burn. Tripp had said nothing, merely cocking one brow and shaking his head. But he knew, and Horatio realized that despite his every action being justifiable in a supervisory fashion his attraction was obvious.
...

[h_caine]

Another thread of thought and this time an icy fear clawing at his belly. The crack of a high powered firearm, shots, and Speedle down. On the pavement in the middle of the goddamned street looking more surprised than anything else. The way the first responder had been somewhat dismissive of the incident to the point where H had wanted to drop his ass to the pavement. Don’t you know this is my boy? My Speedle that bullet almost killed? How can you act like this is nothing? This is everything! He had been screaming in his mind the entire time he had calmly handled the situation. And the gun cleaning kit. Still in Speed’s locker, still in the gift bag. Yes, Tim, he knew. Of course sleeping with someone had certain benefits- and if you were the 'lou’ of a detective who never cleaned his service arm it was quite useful when said detective was asleep to be able to furtively clean and oil his gun.

He cut his reverie off at that point, Pre-Nico, and slowly forced himself up with some difficulty.
“Speed...”
Caine sat on his knees, leaning slightly forward, one hand on the younger man’s leg.
“Speed, I have always loved you. Tell me you believe that. Tell me that this is not going to end. Tell me what I need to do to be certain this is not going to end.”

[timothy_speedle]

At this point, Horatio was the complete opposite of how he was a few moments ago. "Don't move, okay?" Timothy gentled his tone as much as he could, which sounded so odd coming from the scruffier man. Being mindful of the inflamed skin around his opening, Timmy dabbed gently and sighed. There was that gnawing feeling of guilt in him once more and my it had been a while since he felt that, the last time was well, when he was 'dating' Horatio Caine and how he tortured that man. With the others he was with, they never mattered, Tim couldn't have cared less about any of them, which probably wouldn't mean much to Horatio but it meant everything to Timmy. Horatio was the one he cared for, loved. It was a twisted love, Timmy figured, but it was all he had to give right now. Though he wanted to be better.

"Teasing me shouldn't get you .." Raped. "..into this situation." Timothy corrected Horatio gently. "You know I can't keep doing this to you, it's sick." Tim exhaled a sigh. Pulling the cloth away, Timothy scowled at it, the normally pristine white was tinted with a pinkish red color and he shook his head. Damn it. "We need to get you into a bath Horatio. I've got some baking soda and the warm water will help with the tearing." Of course Timothy would know what to do in this situation, he has been through it countless times, which actually made him color his cheeks. He was internally ashamed about that and why shouldn't he be? And when Horatio actually apologized, Timmy felt his cheeks darken even more and he looked away.

"You didn't ask, you begged." Timothy whispered, scowling. Though his eyes did close briefly and he hated the fact that he could hear Horatio's voice echo in his mind, the desperation, the need to get Tim off of him and he felt the familiar warmth of arousal in his belly. He hated that. Brought out of his self loathing he noticed a weight on his leg and he had to smile a little down at Horatio. Automatically his hand went to card through that unruly red hair, petting through the sweaty mess, smoothing it back only to watch it flutter down over his eyes. Tim chuckled at that and then settled to listen to Horatio's story.

"Bless you." Tim replied casually, the name sounded more like a sneeze to him. Kiet? What was that, Vietnamese? Biting his tongue he refused to comment on the part where the young lad wanted to bunk with Horatio. Who wouldn't? As Timothy tensed, so did Horatio so he forced himself to relax and kept stroking him, trying to calm the older man. While Horatio was explaining, of course Timothy became jealous but the older man also knew how to diffuse that mess. Just poke Timothy's ego. And he puffed his chest out just slightly as Horatio mentioned him getting hard. Timmy looked down at the man, one brow still cocked but he wore a tightly amused smile. When Horatio mentioned no sex, Tim let go of a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. No idea why he thought he had any right to Horatio while he was away but that didn't matter.

.........

[timothy_speedle]

However Ray being brought up was something else entirely and Tim couldn't help the full body growl. It came from somewhere dark and deep inside of him. That place he managed to tap when he full on raped Nico. When they mutilated him. The weird feelings he had for Ray were all beastial. Jealousy that Ray wanted his mate, attraction because the man was so fucked up and just everything primal. However he wondered what Ray was up to, was he still into drugs? Was he still attached to Nico? Timothy was shocked the man was alive, frankly but Ray had a tendency of sneaking out of hard core situations. Tim could absolutely see the man coming face to face with Death himself and somehow making a deal with the out-witted skeleton. Ah well.

Horatio had gone quiet and Timothy said nothing during the comfortable silence. Normally people began to squirm when things went quiet but Timmy just sat there complacently and thought. Thought about Horatio of course and how he treated him, how screwed up their relationship was and what he coudl do to fix it. When Horatio began to move, Tim was again brought back to reality and he flinched as Horatio struggled to get to his knees. When Horatio spoke it was odd, like hearing the words for the first time, as if it really cut through him and Tim closed his eyes briefly.

Finally he opened them again, the normally stormy brown eyes were softer and Tim stood up, walking away from Horatio he headed for the bathroom. He spent a few moments rustling through some things he came back out carrying a small prescription bottle of codeine and set it down on the bed next to the other man. Looking down momentarily he glanced over at Horatio and reached out with both hands, palms cupping Horatio's cheeks as he eased into a soft kiss. Pulling away with a slow smack he touched his forehead against Horatio's.

"I love you too." Tim admitted.

Cocking his head he leaned away and gave him a pointed look, "Now get in the tub." Tim ordered. Standing up he headed back into the bathroom and began to run the water. Keeping it pretty luke warm for now as he called back over his shoulder. "So..how is Raymond Caine doing anyway. I'm surprised we haven't done a chalk outline of him yet." Then he squinted in thought, "Come to think of it I haven't seen him around Miami much, he follow you to New York?" Tim asked curiously, though that made sense. Ray would go wherever Horatio was.