Brain Doctor.

[timothy_speedle]

WHO: Horatio/Timothy/Brain Doctor..my bad.."Relationship counselor". Bah.
WHEN: Most recent.
WHERE: Doctor's Office. Well, in front of it. Still outside.

~~~~~~~~~

Timothy would not shut up. This went on for days, his constant whining. He hated this idea. Hated it more than anything in this entire world. More than Nico, and that was a lot of

Comments

[marta_henderson]

Marta shows a little startle for the first time since the two arrived: Tim, not making any effort to, has slipped through her defences. She swallows and tries to find an answer. Tim deserves her full honesty, in return for that which he himself has offered.

"I wanted to die," she says baldly. "I missed him. I missed the funny things he'd say, I missed the way he'd smile at me before going to sleep, I missed the smell of him. There's a poem that before that I'd always thought was sentimental and over-the-top."

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good. It's by Auden. That kind of summed it up for me. But I was wrong of course, young and selfish in despair. And life went on. And good things happened in their course."

She smiles at Horatio. "My son would be twenty-two years old, now," she comments. "Older than I was when he was born. Even now I find myself looking at boys that age on the streets, and wondering if he'd have been like them. And... somehow I have to be on my best behaviour, because once the despair had dulled, I realised that he would want me to go on. So I find myself asking how Timmy would want me to act." She makes a moue with her mouth. "And that's all from me!" she says, with a light smile.

"So, it's clear that you both care for each other greatly," she observes without any judgement. "But sometimes your opposite approaches cause tension?" She focuses on Horatio's last remark.

"What sort of strife?" she asks, cautiously. "And would you categorise it as an acceptable or unacceptable level?"

[timothy_speedle]

For a moment, Timothy just gives Horatio a faintly amused look. "I'm careless." Timmy snorts, eyes nearly rolling. "Everything I do..i've learned from you." He says quietly, and it's not cruel, it's the truth.

Then for a moment a shadow of that rage returns and his brown eyes harden, "I won't give him up. He's mine." Timmy snarls quietly, nearly spitting as saliva forms around his lips before he wipes them with the back of his hand. Shivering a little then he quiets down.

He doesn't move as Horatio comes closer but he breathes him in and that familiar, well scent, relaxes him. Hands on his hips he turns his attention toward her.

Then his arms wrap around himself. He could dig deeper. Tim is pretty observent but it doesn't take a scientist to know what he struck a nerve. But he doesn't. He respects the truth and he believes her.

Timothy clears his throat, bouncing on his heels a little as he sucks in an anxious breath. This is a subject he didn't much care to talk about. His eyes turn back to Caine, head tilted somewhat. Waiting.

"Yeah. What sort of strife." He murmurs out somewhat impatiently.

[h_caine]

Horatio listened to her speak earnestly and eloquently about her loss and he blinked slowly. He spoke slowly, with measured words in reply.
"After my mother was murdered I....I had to raise my little brother and I had to grieve. I was in a one bedroom aparment in a housing project we shared with a bunch of Ray's father's heroin addict friends. No money, no food, my mother was behind in the rent so as soon as she passed no place to live and an 8 year old little brother who wa sborn with trouble as his middle name. It all stayed inside me for so long. I was just a teenager and I became a very angry man. I screwed up my life in Miami, I screwed my brother somehow- his life is proof of that, and ended up being a coward and running."
He glanced over at Speedle, still sore about his lover running back to the same city. Before he continued he felt the need to ask if this was all confidental, to assure himself, but of course he knew it was and he kept his mouth shut.
"I went to New York, why? Because I tracked him there. Ray's father. Who killed my mother. My mother never loved me, I was rape child, he parents threw her out of the house when she became pregnant. There was such stigma in those days against un-wed mothers, I do not think people of this generation can even begin to understand how much of a social taboo it was. And worse in a Catholic family. She ended up on the streets because of my exsistence. All her dreams died because of me. Becoming an author. Going to university. Having a loving husband, a real family. She despied me, but I loved her. She was my mother. My family. I just wanted her to care about me, so desperetly. So...desperatly."
His eyes narrowed and he stared blankly at the far wall.
"I killed him. Thinking this was a final way to honour her, to avenge her. And I have been atoning for it ever since. I killed my brother's father..."
He closed his eyes.
"I know that somehow, someway I will face judgement for that. Whether the circumstance justifies it...that is for something larger than me to decide."

It was really all he had to say on the subject, to Tim or the doctor or anyone else. He was certain the issue would be pressed further but he would likely baulk any further discussion. Still it felt incrediably good to just talk about it. He wished Speed was closer so he could hold his hand but he was still on the attack and H sighed. On to the sex question and that was a powderkeg just waiting for a spark.
"Tim is promiscuous to but it mildly. It hurts me. That is as plainly as I can explain it. It hurts that I cannot be enough. I know I am getting older but I like to think I am not a dud in the sack just yet."
He met his lover's gaze.
"I know that no one person can be enough for you with whatever sexual...issue you have. I know should love you as you are and be happy for that, but it hurts. And I get frustrated and angry, and thus us born the strife."

[marta_henderson]

Marta sits quietly, just nodding quietly as first Tim and then Horatio speaks.

She thinks for a while, and then offers a summary of what she's heard.

"Okay, so what we have here is, on the one hand, Mr Speedle - Tim - you feel protective and possessive of Lieutenant Caine. You fear losing him, either to a work accident, or to someone else.

On the other hand, you act in a way that seems to hurt him, and could be seen almost as a desire to drive him away, because it makes him feel unloved."

She lets that hang. "I've got no problem with promiscuity," she comments. "But it seems that it is a partial cause of the tension between you." She cocks her head to one side, and studies Tim, a little like a bird. "Do you hurt him deliberately?" she asks, provocatively.

[timothy_speedle]

Timothy moves off to the corner of the room, turning his back on the both of them now as he listens to Horatio's story. A little resentfully.

"You've never told me that before." He says softly, nearly under his breath actually, unsure or uncaring if either of them heard him.

When he turns, Horatio was looking right at him and Timmy steels himself, frowning even more now.

"I have no issue with it." He growls then his eyes snap back to her. He was getting irritated again. This game was stupid. Frustrated once more his cheeks burn in almost ..embarrassment? As she faces him again. Dark eyes roll back to Caine and he shakes his head.

"I think it's time to go.." Because Jesus that's a fucked up question and he refuses to fucking answer. "This whole thing is a waste of goddamn time." He snaps out angrily. Now in tantrum mode once more.

[h_caine]

Telling his story was carthetic but anti-climatic. The doctor did not seem to comment on it at all and Tim simple mumbled. Honestly how were they supposed to react to what he said? That was probably better left to a personal session...or ten.

Her questions riled Tim and Horatio frowned. He was actually hoping for an answer. Instead he was going to get a snit. Speedle looked at him and H only gave his lover a blank stare. He stood, not so much to consense with Speed's desire to leave but rather so he could put his hands on his hips and set himself steady. He commented dryly to Dr. Hendersen.
"I am afraid, Doctor, that Mr. Speedle only likes to ask difficult questions, not answer them."

[marta_henderson]

Marta gives a small smile at Horatio. "That's true of most people, isn't it? The only thing that really differs is what we consider to be a difficult question."

She looks at Tim. "I don't think it is a waste of time," she points out. "Lt. Caine just told you something that he never told you before. He spoke about his childhood. Didn't you know you were so important to him?"

She looks at her fingers, laced together in her lap. "Maybe the question of Mr Speedle's promiscuity is difficult because he has no control over it. He thinks that he's in the driving seat, doing what he wants, but in fact his sexual drive controls him." She flicks a glance at Horatio. "Maybe he doesn't mean to hurt you, but he simply can't help himself."

"How does that sound, Mr Speedle?"

[timothy_speedle]

Horatio was getting up and Timmy nearly sighed in relief. He wanted to leave, now. But then Caine just went straight to posing and Timothy glares at the older man then turned his attention to her for a moment.

Two against one.

Shaking his head he snarls at Horatio then curses over at her. "Fuck you both. I don't need to take this bullshit." And he was nearly breathless he was so worked up from what the Doctor said.

Turning away from the both of them he prowls about the room, seething mad now. Fingers locked across the top of his head he continues to curse and growl. He felt trapped, he didn't know what to do or how to end this.

Without thinking he snags a book off of any random shelf and hurls it towards her, though missing by a few feet quite on purpose it smashes against the opposite wall.

"I have control. I'm always in control. I control Horatio and Greg and Ray and whoever the fuck else i'm in contact with! So fuck you!" He bellows out in a fit. Practically seeing red as he turns his real anger towards Horatio. Just glaring at him.

"Say something, do it.. go ahead.." He says in a deathly quite tone. Daring him. Or her. "Deny it." Timmy breathes. His voice trembling with rage.

[h_caine]

Once again Horatio replaced a book Tim had taken from Dr. Hendersen's shelf. This time Speedle had displaced it in a much more violent manner but H tried to retain the same clam demenour as he replaced it. He did make a wide arc around the seething Speed though, not returning the volume to it's original spot in the bookcase which would bring him a little too close. Instead he just laid it on top of the other books, crossing his arms across his chest as he leaned back against the wall after he had finished. H stared down at the floor. He almost smiled, almost, but he just managed to keep his expression stern. It was difficult though with Speed's hands up on his head as they were. The kind of position that made his t-shirt ride up a little on his midriff. Enough to show a hint of his belly and hips and that was all it took to make Caine lick his lips. H shifted how he stood, turning so he leaned his side against the wall instead of his back. Taking Tim out of his direct line of sight.
"I'm afraid Doctor, with all due respect to you and your expertise, I do not believe that people 'can't help doing things'. Now if someone has nerve damage and, say, they end up with a tic, that is something they actually cannot control. But anything that requires fore-thought and an action to make that thought into deed, that is something that can be helped. Can be stopped. You have to load a gun and aim it before you even have the option of pulling the trigger."
Horatio tilted his head and eyed Speedle through a soft tuft of his ember bangs that hung low against his bowed brow. It was a critical stare. Usually he looked at his on-again, off-again lover with affection tempering his gaze, but at the moment he was eyeing him more like a suspect than a mate.
"So he controls it. And yes, Tim, you control me. I will not deny that. Greg, I have no idea. Probably, if he feels about you anything like I do. Ray?"
H shook his head.
"No comment. But let me say he has a more subtle way of controlling people. Not to say he doesn't ever throw a tantrum."
Horatio hesitated a moment before taking a step forward. He cocked his head, hands returning to their familiar spot on his hips.
"But what Tim? What if I said no. What if I did deny it? What would you do? Storm out of here? Hit me? Hit her? Come on Speed, you are worth a hell of a lot more as a human being than your cock or your attitude. At least to me..."