Because We're Not Tired of Her Yet
Sarah Palin. A name nobody wanted to hear by the end of 2008, and who, in 2009, still kept showing up doing the stupidest shit. Now that the excitement has died down, it might be a good time to revisit her. So let's click on some random links -- http://politics.usnews.com/news/washington-whispers/slideshows/10-reasons-sarah-palin-would-make-a-good-president/ -- and see why she'd make a good preside -- WAIT WAIT. GOOD president? WTF? This I have to see.
1. Unbending conservative -- Let me double-check the title. It does say "good" president rather than "fucking awful" president, right?
2. Military hawk -- Yup, still the right slide show. There must be a typo someplace.
3. Oil drilling advocate -- Here's an actual quote from the blurb: "Democrats see her as tough on that issue." Yes. Tough. The way chicken gets when you leave it out for a while and it dries up.
4. Respect of governors -- Apparently governors respect her. I guess that one makes sense, at least, given that at the end of her term, she -- oh, wait, she didn't actually serve out the end of her term. My bad. Next.
5. Revive Saturday Night Live -- This one I agree with. Well, I agree that it's a good thing, at least. However, I don't generally equate "gift to comedians" with "good at leading a country". Could be just me, though.
6. Friend of the working class -- This one's news to me. I thought she was for tax cuts and policies that in general hurt the working class? But she has appeal in the working class for some unknown reason (because people are stupid, actually, so maybe a known reason). So, you know what, this one's actually a positive.
7. Advocate for disabled children -- I'm sure her heart's in the right place for this one. That's another positive. Except that she's actually *against* fixing healthcare, and knowing her probably thinks vaccines cause autism. So perhaps she's too stupid to actually use her advocacy effectively, but at least she'd actually want to. Positive.
8. First woman president -- Hillary Clinton would make a great first woman president (other than the fairly unseemly fact that her husband was president first). She's intelligent and respected, and she's a strong woman who would be a good role model. Sarah Palin... would set back the cause of women by being the exact opposite of intelligent and respected. Sarah Palin as first woman president would be like a gangster as first black president -- every negative stereotype would be there.
9. Boost conservative media -- I think I forgot what this list is about already. I seem to recall something about "good president", but I'm starting to think that's just my imagination.
10. Fashion statement -- ...What.
HAHAHA! It's satire! Here at number 10, there's a link to the same slide show on why she'd make a *bad* president. That's hilarious! So I'm just going to click on there and... http://politics.usnews.com/news/slideshows/10-reasons-why-palin-would-be-a-bad-president
Oh, it's not the same slide show. What. Let's go through it, then...
1. New on world stage -- Sounds a bit... technical after the first list, doesn't it?
2. Ethics -- So she'd be embroiled in scandal. Just like every other president ever. Meh, doesn't sound too bad.
3. The big picture -- "Palin lacks big agenda. Seen as more reactionary than visionary." Now we're getting to the heart of the, uh, issue, as it were. Total *lack* of issues. But, um, while this is nice to think about and all, something tells me the focus should be elsewhere?
4. Little experience -- Ranks as number 4. Huh?
5. Stale jokes -- Wait, I thought she was a gift to comedians? See the absurdity here yet?
6. Family first -- A decent criticism. Like thinking of buying a completely dilapidated house with a caved-in roof and noting that the windowpane is scratched, though, possibly it shouldn't be very high on a list.
7. Domestic policy -- I'm going to need to quote this. Too good. "There are serious concerns that she lacks a lot of experience on domestic policy like healthcare, immigration reform, and financial issues that are consuming most of Washington’s time and energy." Given the list, this is approximately as bad a quality in a president as being the butt of stale jokes. WTF. This is not the Onion, guys.
8. Focus on social issues -- Point. Again, it would actually count if the previous item weren't a MASSIVE understatement.
9. The media -- Says she'll destroy the mainstream media by using conservative media instead. I actually think this is wrong. Activism works best when it's *against* the interests in power, and if Sarah Palin were president, she'd inspire a generation of young people to be liberals in a way GW Bush could only dream of. The media would be fine. Well, excepting the whole death of the industry and stuff.
10. Speaking skills -- She sounds kinda stupid when she talks, it's true. However, this is because SHE IS STUPID. You think: Huh, she sounds kinda stupid. Maybe she should work on her (a) choice of career path, (b) intelligence, or (c) ...speaking skills?
This second list underscores the massive disconnect between reality and "conventional wisdom". (I can only assume that the first list has nothing to do with wisdom...) The reasons Sarah Palin would make a crappy president are that she's COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT *and* doctrinaire! If you put Alvin Greene in the White House (please don't), I don't think you could do as much damage as Palin. She's anti-intellectual, and she makes George W. Bush look *good*. And yet, the list focuses on things which might be legitimate problems with someone less ridiculously bad otherwise. You can criticize Obama for inexperience. Palin? Inexperience is the least of her concerns! See what I mean? Obama is like a beautiful mansion with problems to fix -- the roof here leaks, the windowpane is scratched, the door doesn't close all the way, etc. Palin is like a house with the same problems -- but it's actually a disgusting shack that looks like it's been rotting for years! Yet, the media, in its desire to be "balanced", takes the flaws in Obama's mansion and compares them to similar flaws in Palin's ruin while ignoring the bigger picture. Media, you suck.
1. Unbending conservative -- Let me double-check the title. It does say "good" president rather than "fucking awful" president, right?
2. Military hawk -- Yup, still the right slide show. There must be a typo someplace.
3. Oil drilling advocate -- Here's an actual quote from the blurb: "Democrats see her as tough on that issue." Yes. Tough. The way chicken gets when you leave it out for a while and it dries up.
4. Respect of governors -- Apparently governors respect her. I guess that one makes sense, at least, given that at the end of her term, she -- oh, wait, she didn't actually serve out the end of her term. My bad. Next.
5. Revive Saturday Night Live -- This one I agree with. Well, I agree that it's a good thing, at least. However, I don't generally equate "gift to comedians" with "good at leading a country". Could be just me, though.
6. Friend of the working class -- This one's news to me. I thought she was for tax cuts and policies that in general hurt the working class? But she has appeal in the working class for some unknown reason (because people are stupid, actually, so maybe a known reason). So, you know what, this one's actually a positive.
7. Advocate for disabled children -- I'm sure her heart's in the right place for this one. That's another positive. Except that she's actually *against* fixing healthcare, and knowing her probably thinks vaccines cause autism. So perhaps she's too stupid to actually use her advocacy effectively, but at least she'd actually want to. Positive.
8. First woman president -- Hillary Clinton would make a great first woman president (other than the fairly unseemly fact that her husband was president first). She's intelligent and respected, and she's a strong woman who would be a good role model. Sarah Palin... would set back the cause of women by being the exact opposite of intelligent and respected. Sarah Palin as first woman president would be like a gangster as first black president -- every negative stereotype would be there.
9. Boost conservative media -- I think I forgot what this list is about already. I seem to recall something about "good president", but I'm starting to think that's just my imagination.
10. Fashion statement -- ...What.
HAHAHA! It's satire! Here at number 10, there's a link to the same slide show on why she'd make a *bad* president. That's hilarious! So I'm just going to click on there and... http://politics.usnews.com/news/slideshows/10-reasons-why-palin-would-be-a-bad-president
Oh, it's not the same slide show. What. Let's go through it, then...
1. New on world stage -- Sounds a bit... technical after the first list, doesn't it?
2. Ethics -- So she'd be embroiled in scandal. Just like every other president ever. Meh, doesn't sound too bad.
3. The big picture -- "Palin lacks big agenda. Seen as more reactionary than visionary." Now we're getting to the heart of the, uh, issue, as it were. Total *lack* of issues. But, um, while this is nice to think about and all, something tells me the focus should be elsewhere?
4. Little experience -- Ranks as number 4. Huh?
5. Stale jokes -- Wait, I thought she was a gift to comedians? See the absurdity here yet?
6. Family first -- A decent criticism. Like thinking of buying a completely dilapidated house with a caved-in roof and noting that the windowpane is scratched, though, possibly it shouldn't be very high on a list.
7. Domestic policy -- I'm going to need to quote this. Too good. "There are serious concerns that she lacks a lot of experience on domestic policy like healthcare, immigration reform, and financial issues that are consuming most of Washington’s time and energy." Given the list, this is approximately as bad a quality in a president as being the butt of stale jokes. WTF. This is not the Onion, guys.
8. Focus on social issues -- Point. Again, it would actually count if the previous item weren't a MASSIVE understatement.
9. The media -- Says she'll destroy the mainstream media by using conservative media instead. I actually think this is wrong. Activism works best when it's *against* the interests in power, and if Sarah Palin were president, she'd inspire a generation of young people to be liberals in a way GW Bush could only dream of. The media would be fine. Well, excepting the whole death of the industry and stuff.
10. Speaking skills -- She sounds kinda stupid when she talks, it's true. However, this is because SHE IS STUPID. You think: Huh, she sounds kinda stupid. Maybe she should work on her (a) choice of career path, (b) intelligence, or (c) ...speaking skills?
This second list underscores the massive disconnect between reality and "conventional wisdom". (I can only assume that the first list has nothing to do with wisdom...) The reasons Sarah Palin would make a crappy president are that she's COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT *and* doctrinaire! If you put Alvin Greene in the White House (please don't), I don't think you could do as much damage as Palin. She's anti-intellectual, and she makes George W. Bush look *good*. And yet, the list focuses on things which might be legitimate problems with someone less ridiculously bad otherwise. You can criticize Obama for inexperience. Palin? Inexperience is the least of her concerns! See what I mean? Obama is like a beautiful mansion with problems to fix -- the roof here leaks, the windowpane is scratched, the door doesn't close all the way, etc. Palin is like a house with the same problems -- but it's actually a disgusting shack that looks like it's been rotting for years! Yet, the media, in its desire to be "balanced", takes the flaws in Obama's mansion and compares them to similar flaws in Palin's ruin while ignoring the bigger picture. Media, you suck.