Me Chinese, me go pee pee in your Coke
Oooooooooooookay, so last night (Friday) was a sweet ass time. Basically, what happened was the President of the United States, Slick Willy, went for a kick ass hummer on the sly... when this BITCH Linda Tripp totally cock-blocked him... I mean whoops that was actually the Best of Will Ferrel 2. What actually happened was dis:
5:20 PM: TJP catches the midnight train to Georgia, or... Fitchburg I can't quite remember. Italian man tells wonderful story about trashy bachelor's party.
6:50 PM: Timothy Amber Thiessen arrives in Footchburg. His welcoming committee is as follows: Monica Dwhalen, Ryan Major, Pete Landry, David Bowie's nephew, Mike Sass, and a cat.
7:15 PM: Videos featuring Stonehenge and "Hey Ya" by Outkast are viewed.
8:00 PM: The consumption of non-alcoholic beverages begins. There is one mistake in the previous sentence, can you find it?
8:45 PM: Stonehenge falls. Whoops.
9:00 PM: I admit to that Bowie kid that I cannot remember his last name.
9:30 PM: Jeff Bartel makes the scene. The Spellman yearbook is viewed with supplemental comments from yours truly including: "Oh yeah, that girl was a huge slut, but she was nice I guess."
9:50 PM: The macho voice is unleashed.
10:30 PM: The "Secret Smirnoff" is suddenly half gone thanks to your host with the toast, I mean most. Yep, this is the part where I puke a luke. Hey, at least it was early. Monica: "Tim, it's okay, I'm a friend."
10:45 PM: Ethan's strip show double feature (not Science Fiction Double Feature mind you) begins. I ask Rachel to have a threesome with me and Ethan. Nice.
11:30 PM: I decide to make a bag of popcorn with Joey. The first attempt was unsuccessful however, and somehow I suddenly found myself throwing a burnt bag of popcorn over Monica's railing. It was discovered the next morning scattered all over her neighbor's porch. Whoopsie doo da.
12:00 AM: The "Baseball Chick" screaming at Danielle Preskitt begins. "I DON'T KNOW DANIELLE!!!!"
12:30 AM: Monica politely asks Joey and I if we are going to do it. We gladly send her on her way back to the smoking room. Haha kids these days.
1:00 AM: I decide to go on myspace. Monica: "I don't feel that the first thing on my mind when drinking would be: 'hey, maybe I should check my myspace!!!!'"
1:30 AM: I admit the truth about the shameful sport of ballroom dancing.
2:00 AM: Monica burns the air mattress with a cigarette.
2:30 AM: Tim and Joey sleep on the air mattress as it slowly deflates throughout the course of the evening via the cigarette burn.
Sometime during the night: Pictures were taken as an attempt to awaken Timmy Jimmy, and oh yes, Phil puked and said: "Please just let me be a man!" Not fuh serious tho.
The quintessential morning after involved Monica and Tim sturries accompanied by David Bowie videos... and a little grilled cheese just to spice up the mix.
And THAT Ladies and Germs, was my Fridee night. Overall rating on a scale of sweet ass-ness: DIABETIC!
5:20 PM: TJP catches the midnight train to Georgia, or... Fitchburg I can't quite remember. Italian man tells wonderful story about trashy bachelor's party.
6:50 PM: Timothy Amber Thiessen arrives in Footchburg. His welcoming committee is as follows: Monica Dwhalen, Ryan Major, Pete Landry, David Bowie's nephew, Mike Sass, and a cat.
7:15 PM: Videos featuring Stonehenge and "Hey Ya" by Outkast are viewed.
8:00 PM: The consumption of non-alcoholic beverages begins. There is one mistake in the previous sentence, can you find it?
8:45 PM: Stonehenge falls. Whoops.
9:00 PM: I admit to that Bowie kid that I cannot remember his last name.
9:30 PM: Jeff Bartel makes the scene. The Spellman yearbook is viewed with supplemental comments from yours truly including: "Oh yeah, that girl was a huge slut, but she was nice I guess."
9:50 PM: The macho voice is unleashed.
10:30 PM: The "Secret Smirnoff" is suddenly half gone thanks to your host with the toast, I mean most. Yep, this is the part where I puke a luke. Hey, at least it was early. Monica: "Tim, it's okay, I'm a friend."
10:45 PM: Ethan's strip show double feature (not Science Fiction Double Feature mind you) begins. I ask Rachel to have a threesome with me and Ethan. Nice.
11:30 PM: I decide to make a bag of popcorn with Joey. The first attempt was unsuccessful however, and somehow I suddenly found myself throwing a burnt bag of popcorn over Monica's railing. It was discovered the next morning scattered all over her neighbor's porch. Whoopsie doo da.
12:00 AM: The "Baseball Chick" screaming at Danielle Preskitt begins. "I DON'T KNOW DANIELLE!!!!"
12:30 AM: Monica politely asks Joey and I if we are going to do it. We gladly send her on her way back to the smoking room. Haha kids these days.
1:00 AM: I decide to go on myspace. Monica: "I don't feel that the first thing on my mind when drinking would be: 'hey, maybe I should check my myspace!!!!'"
1:30 AM: I admit the truth about the shameful sport of ballroom dancing.
2:00 AM: Monica burns the air mattress with a cigarette.
2:30 AM: Tim and Joey sleep on the air mattress as it slowly deflates throughout the course of the evening via the cigarette burn.
Sometime during the night: Pictures were taken as an attempt to awaken Timmy Jimmy, and oh yes, Phil puked and said: "Please just let me be a man!" Not fuh serious tho.
The quintessential morning after involved Monica and Tim sturries accompanied by David Bowie videos... and a little grilled cheese just to spice up the mix.
And THAT Ladies and Germs, was my Fridee night. Overall rating on a scale of sweet ass-ness: DIABETIC!