Day 30: Timothy Chow
My name is Timothy Chow. I am 22 years old. I live at home with parents, whom I also work for (for the most part). Shortly after I finished my years at community college, my plans for higher education fell through. However much I blame my dad for not being able to receive funds for college, not being in school right now is my own choice. Armed with little ambition, I take comfort in my relaxed daily life. I've been smoking pot for 2-3 years now, and for better or worse, it's a part of my lifestyle. Everything that I ever needed was provided for me: food, gas, weed. Never a necessity to save up money, I am living week by week, if not day by day. Always seeking a new thrill, I move from hobby to hobby, friend to friend, band to band, with the feeling that that something "better" is just around the bend.
I started this 30-day blog in much the same spirit that one would have when starting a new self-help book, with the excitement and expectation that my life will change and I will start to live a happy, productive life. But my lifelong habits soon began to take over and make its presence. I started to slack off and have "make-up" entries; most of the entries are short and half-assed. I just got tired along the way and I always felt like I was complaining to myself. I was supposed to be letting go and making only good choices for myself, even silently promising that I would do it for one of my best friends, but it didn't happen. Not that it was too hard, I just didn't try. I just didn't want to.
Lazy and utterly selfish, I live this way because everything is under control. There's strange comfort in that, otherwise why else would I keep living this way?
Why would anyone want to share their life with mine? I have nothing to offer. I'm so entitled to my happiness that I hate and ignore people who don't do this for me. Sadly, I'm too good at ignoring people and burning bridges. I make friends too fast, I'm too friendly. I want people to think I'm greater than I actually am.
Although I would consider this to be an accurate perception of myself, I know that this kind of attitude will only drag me down further. Instead of projecting so many outcomes, I ought to make some good choices, plant some good seeds, and see what it brings. I fear effort because my mind cant focus on anything other than the sheer size of the mountain (the clutter). Beating myself up for how behind I am will only put me further behind.
I feel like I should end all this with something witty and thought-provoking, like the finale of a sitcom or something. But knowing me it'll just be another piece of text-book advice, advice that I would share with a friend, advice that I should embrace for myself.
So what have I learned?
That I'll forget most of this in no time... This is just how I feel at the moment. Tomorrow is another day.
I started this 30-day blog in much the same spirit that one would have when starting a new self-help book, with the excitement and expectation that my life will change and I will start to live a happy, productive life. But my lifelong habits soon began to take over and make its presence. I started to slack off and have "make-up" entries; most of the entries are short and half-assed. I just got tired along the way and I always felt like I was complaining to myself. I was supposed to be letting go and making only good choices for myself, even silently promising that I would do it for one of my best friends, but it didn't happen. Not that it was too hard, I just didn't try. I just didn't want to.
Lazy and utterly selfish, I live this way because everything is under control. There's strange comfort in that, otherwise why else would I keep living this way?
Why would anyone want to share their life with mine? I have nothing to offer. I'm so entitled to my happiness that I hate and ignore people who don't do this for me. Sadly, I'm too good at ignoring people and burning bridges. I make friends too fast, I'm too friendly. I want people to think I'm greater than I actually am.
Although I would consider this to be an accurate perception of myself, I know that this kind of attitude will only drag me down further. Instead of projecting so many outcomes, I ought to make some good choices, plant some good seeds, and see what it brings. I fear effort because my mind cant focus on anything other than the sheer size of the mountain (the clutter). Beating myself up for how behind I am will only put me further behind.
I feel like I should end all this with something witty and thought-provoking, like the finale of a sitcom or something. But knowing me it'll just be another piece of text-book advice, advice that I would share with a friend, advice that I should embrace for myself.
So what have I learned?
That I'll forget most of this in no time... This is just how I feel at the moment. Tomorrow is another day.