blah blah blah fuck fuck fuck
i think its sick that i even wonder "where do i fit in." yeah i thought the almighty flawless elitist faggot which is me was quite a bit above cliques, fashion and worrying what other people thought of me. well i guess my jackass thought wrong. i think fashion only concerns me to the point of "man this looks stupid" and not much more, but recently my subconscious nervousness at what people think of me has been completely shocking and utterly disgusting to myself. i thought i didn't care that i didn't fit in, even with the people who i shared a large amount of interests with. but yeah i guess my constant mood swings has driven everyone i know away from me or maybe i've been driving them all away on purpose. oh well whatever it is i doubt i'm going to be "hanging out" anymore, i'm just going to go to shows and cafes and watch people from a distance like a deranged little hermit who hates everyone except himself and god. i don't know, maybe i'm just feeling down because i can't get anything done musically. it's especially irritating because i have all these ideas i want to turn into work, but my skills aren't honed enough and i'm too careless to actually sit down and practice shit. i can't make my writings appealing, i can't draw those beautiful sunsets. i don't know, i just feel like i can't do anything to match anyone's expectations. and i want to loose that feeling as soon as possible. so, fuck...what now