Darwin Awards
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the
glorious
winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during
a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
tried the
trigger again. This time it worked.
.... And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance
company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have
a
look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The
chef's
claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the atients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could
get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If
someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head,
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The
whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back
to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for
a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the
lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the
glorious
winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during
a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
tried the
trigger again. This time it worked.
.... And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance
company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have
a
look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The
chef's
claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the atients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could
get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If
someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head,
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The
whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back
to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for
a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the
lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.