Update-o-rama.
excelent, the time has begun to once again, update. jeeze, starting back up again is always the hardest part. i've decided to take a new aproach to the way i write my journal entries. i've decided to take some advice from Rhet105 and not only to write me reactions and opinions to things that happen, but also to analyze them to find their concrete roots in my psyche. and so, it begins:
i have decided to change my major from biochemistry to anthropology. in order to understand what my decision means, i need to explain how i decide at all. i take the traits that i have been gifted (by the athiest gods) and look at how i can use them to fit into my career. in high school, my class grades revealed that i have a wonderfull gift for math, science, and other analytical subjects. i also have a desire to help people, and thus, decided to apply both in the field of pharmeceutical biochemistry. however, after ariving here and undergoing the horrors of a chem major, i have decided that i wasn't willing to do it for a living, while simultaneously realizing that i really like learning about people. it is for this reason that i have thrown my lot in with the anthropology and "the study of human origins".
also, the love life has been pretty non-existant. there was this thing with a boy, but like all relationships up to this point, it didn't really work out. oh well though, i've come away from it with a better understaning of what i actually am looking for and the type of people to avoid. the idea that i've come away with is that i don't want someone that is threateningly smart and is also condescending. i'm still trying to analyze this one some more but i can only come to the conclusion that its probably because i value my intelegence as my greatest strength and feel threatened by people who seemingly surpass me in it. the other thing i look for is more of an introvert. the stem for this is probably due to the fact that they are less threatening. also, i like boys that are shorter than me. i guess really i just want a non-threatening boy. i don't know why i have a fear of gay boys but i do. i'll have to explore the root of that later. some preliminary lines of exploration include the fatherless status of my childhood, the torment that was junior high, and the ever present fear that people will dissapoint me. i know it has to be at least one of those. haha.
ok, so that gives a little insight into the issues that i'm currently dealing with. i'm trying to be as honest to myself as possible when i write this and as such, am expressing myself without walls. end.
i have decided to change my major from biochemistry to anthropology. in order to understand what my decision means, i need to explain how i decide at all. i take the traits that i have been gifted (by the athiest gods) and look at how i can use them to fit into my career. in high school, my class grades revealed that i have a wonderfull gift for math, science, and other analytical subjects. i also have a desire to help people, and thus, decided to apply both in the field of pharmeceutical biochemistry. however, after ariving here and undergoing the horrors of a chem major, i have decided that i wasn't willing to do it for a living, while simultaneously realizing that i really like learning about people. it is for this reason that i have thrown my lot in with the anthropology and "the study of human origins".
also, the love life has been pretty non-existant. there was this thing with a boy, but like all relationships up to this point, it didn't really work out. oh well though, i've come away from it with a better understaning of what i actually am looking for and the type of people to avoid. the idea that i've come away with is that i don't want someone that is threateningly smart and is also condescending. i'm still trying to analyze this one some more but i can only come to the conclusion that its probably because i value my intelegence as my greatest strength and feel threatened by people who seemingly surpass me in it. the other thing i look for is more of an introvert. the stem for this is probably due to the fact that they are less threatening. also, i like boys that are shorter than me. i guess really i just want a non-threatening boy. i don't know why i have a fear of gay boys but i do. i'll have to explore the root of that later. some preliminary lines of exploration include the fatherless status of my childhood, the torment that was junior high, and the ever present fear that people will dissapoint me. i know it has to be at least one of those. haha.
ok, so that gives a little insight into the issues that i'm currently dealing with. i'm trying to be as honest to myself as possible when i write this and as such, am expressing myself without walls. end.