The last I'll say about this.
It's funny the way different people can view the same thing. While everyone I don't know was freaking out at me, and telling me I was overreacting, my real friends were telling me how glad I had finally said it, and how disappointed they would be if I took it back. Because that's how I feel. Apparently I needed to get really pissed off to finally allow myself to say it. I might never have said it if other people hadn't gotten involved. But I absolutely hate it when I have to find something out through channels. I expect forwardness and honesty from everyone I know. Going through friends, and talking behind backs, that's all stuff I'm beyond. I'm glad I got that angry though. I'm glad I said what I had to say.
There once was a time when I didn't know you at all, and then one night I knew a lot. And once and for all, I'm going to say that I handled that situation exactly how I should have. And I would do it again. But I've apologized over and over for that. Why?
And then we didn't really know each other, but we would rant, and that gave us a kind of closeness. But I was always having to explain myself, and you always thought you were right. But you didn't really know me in any kind of way that made it possible for you to make those judgements. But I would agree you were right, and sometimes you would convince me, and then down the line I would realize again, "wait, that's not it at all."
And every step of the way, I'm convincing the people around me. "No, I swear, it's really cool now, we are friends."
And everyone asked why?
And I couldn't explain it.
I can't explain it.
I wanted to be a friend to you. I want to be everyone's friend.
But I don't know how many times this past semester I sat thinking, and trying to figure out why I actually wanted to be your friend. You are a manipulator, and you manipulate my emotions. You make me feel bad for things I need not feel bad for. You are always mad at me for something. You have never trusted that I had your back. You have never trusted that I wanted to be your friend. You have only doubted me, and put me down. You have brought other people into this drama in ways I never would.
I have many people in my life that care about me, and I care about them. Some of them you are outright cruel too. But I explain it away for you. I don't want to be in your universe anymore. I don't need you. I never did. There was nothing you ever gave me, that someone else didn't give ten times better.
All I do is hurt you, just by being me. Why do you even want a friend like that?
Well I'm done hurting you. I'm done trying to accomodate you. I'm done never being good enough.
Why should I bother. You're not worth it.
We'll talk when the semester begins, and we need to start up again. It should be miserable for me, but I've decided I care too much about the members.
There once was a time when I didn't know you at all, and then one night I knew a lot. And once and for all, I'm going to say that I handled that situation exactly how I should have. And I would do it again. But I've apologized over and over for that. Why?
And then we didn't really know each other, but we would rant, and that gave us a kind of closeness. But I was always having to explain myself, and you always thought you were right. But you didn't really know me in any kind of way that made it possible for you to make those judgements. But I would agree you were right, and sometimes you would convince me, and then down the line I would realize again, "wait, that's not it at all."
And every step of the way, I'm convincing the people around me. "No, I swear, it's really cool now, we are friends."
And everyone asked why?
And I couldn't explain it.
I can't explain it.
I wanted to be a friend to you. I want to be everyone's friend.
But I don't know how many times this past semester I sat thinking, and trying to figure out why I actually wanted to be your friend. You are a manipulator, and you manipulate my emotions. You make me feel bad for things I need not feel bad for. You are always mad at me for something. You have never trusted that I had your back. You have never trusted that I wanted to be your friend. You have only doubted me, and put me down. You have brought other people into this drama in ways I never would.
I have many people in my life that care about me, and I care about them. Some of them you are outright cruel too. But I explain it away for you. I don't want to be in your universe anymore. I don't need you. I never did. There was nothing you ever gave me, that someone else didn't give ten times better.
All I do is hurt you, just by being me. Why do you even want a friend like that?
Well I'm done hurting you. I'm done trying to accomodate you. I'm done never being good enough.
Why should I bother. You're not worth it.
We'll talk when the semester begins, and we need to start up again. It should be miserable for me, but I've decided I care too much about the members.