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[timgrounds]

Apparently, is still a nurse.  I made Katie mad earlier, well the other day actually, by saying she wasn't a nurse.  I contested that a nurse is someone not arbitrarily in the medical field with a nursing degree, but rather someone that deals specifically with patient care.  The dictionary simply defines it as "a person formally educated and

Comments

[angst_fairy]

Basically- I'm very insecure lately and I have a lot of fear. I am afraid I won't be enough for Robert to maintain a long distance relationship. I am afraid that if I do, that Ashton will not like him or will not bond with him... I'n afraid Ashton WILL like him and WILL bond with him and not understand why he isn't around. I'm afraid I won't be good enough sexually. I'm afraid that I am wasting my nursing degree. I am afraid of how to incorporate a healthy relationship into the already complicated relationship between you and Ally and me and Ashton. It is so common place to you and I (and Ally because she has been there since day one) that it is difficult to see it from an outsider perspective. I would NEVER be involved with anyone that couldn't accept my relationship and friendship with you... but in turn... I wonder why I would risk sacraficing that for a man who left me and makes fun of my choices.

I don't think you want me to be unhappy for the rest of my life. You DO seem to make fun of most things that make me happy... and because of all the fears I have been facing lately, I have been on edge. I don't want Ashton to be wary of my relationship with Robert because "mommy is going to move to California and I will never see you again" because that is SO not going to happen. I just want a chance to make things work... and because *I* am the factor that either will or will not make my life work, I am nervous, because I have never seemed able to make anything work.

What I'm saying is: I know you were joking, and I know you will continue to. I will probably continue to be insecure and at my low times I will voice my insecurity to you, because you are safe. After all our years together (13 and counting from the time I met you) I am most comfortable with you, I know that no matter what I say to you, or what you say to me, we will be OK. I can go off on you for the little things and the big things. I can show my pain and hurt to you (without letting you know I have pain and hurt) in ways that will allow me to get things off of my chest and leave you holding the blame. Just know that sometimes I talk to you like shit, because you are the only person I feel that close to.

I still think Ashton should just drink water- and I don't believe he is lactose intolerant.

[timgrounds]

I believe he is lactose intolerant. Travis said he didn't believe I was lactose intolerant because he has seen me drink milk. I replied to that with "It's intolerance, not hemmorage and die from it". I can drink milk seven days a week and not have a problem, but then one day it will hurt a little, and occasionally it will hurt like hell. I find that 2% does lessen the effects though, which you buy. But I honestly do think he is, and as an excuse it made my mom finally shut up about his occasional stomach pains. Until I offered that up, she wanted me to take him and have abdomen x-rays. She thought he had ulcers, for christ sake. So let's just say he is, even if he isn't. And I make jokes with Ashton, so he'll get used to the situation, and I want to be open and honest about everything. Like Erin trying to whisper that one of the turtles disappeared, he would have noticed eventually. So I just told him, much to her dismay, but he took it fine. I think if we don't act like his life is any different than any other kids, then it won't be, and it really isn't. Which I don't think it is. And I don't forsee Ashton disliking anybody, as long as you like them. He's a fairly easy going, accomodating, little dude. That would be the last of my worries. And making fun of things that make people happy is the best thing to make fun of, because in the end, they're still happy, ultimately. Like me an comics. It just reinforces the happiness you derive from whatever. You have to defend it, and in doing so, you reinforce it. That is why Christians love to be hated, so they get to talk more about Jesus, ha.