Fic: In Which Jack Harkness Discovers the Addictive Qualities of The Sims
Title: In Which Jack Harkness Discovers the Addictive Qualities of The Sims
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairing: The Torchwood Three team as a whole
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Assume it's set in the first half of Season Two, and you'll be grand.
Summary: Jack Harkness has learnt to enjoy all manner of things in his long life- and the local entertainment is certainly not excluded from this...
Disclaimer: The Beeb owns the whole thing, RTD guided their crafting, and I merely play with them in a manner that'd cause (I do so hope) an amused smirk or two from this little bit of crackfic
A/N: Blame/thank slytherykin for planting this gloriously cracktastic idea in my head about half a year ago.
Ianto had thought he was the first to enter the Hub this morning, but a light was clearly on in Jack's office, proving his idea incorrect. Ianto still wasn't sure if Jack ever left the building if it wasn't called for- but then, it wasn't like he was the master of him.
Ignoring the pleasant-yet-distracting thoughts that brought up, Ianto quickly checked the workstations and the odd family of couches that had somehow accumulated in the Hub for any sign of Tosh, who had a distressingly common habit of falling asleep at her desk or, if she was being sensible for once, on one of the couches.
Confirming that it was only the two of them in the Hub (Gwen and Owen never stayed in the Hub overnight if they could help it, which was sensible enough) Ianto promptly dealt with the most pressing issue of the morning; the making of the morning cup of coffee.
After several minutes of careful grinding of beans and pouring of water and adding of various mysterious substances that would baffle any observer- not that anyone in this building seemed to appreciate his talents in this field, of course- Ianto took the mug of fresh coffee up to his boss, who would no doubt appreciate it.
Provided he wasn't staring intently at his computer monitor. Which he was.
Repressing an exasperated sigh, Ianto placed the mug down on the desk a little too heavily, making an audible 'thud', and spilling some of the coffee in the process.
“Ah, Ianto,” Jack said, looking up with his typical smile. “Is it nine already, or have I temped you with the joys of getting in to work early?”
“You know the time very well.” Ianto said, pointedly avoiding the question, as well as pointedly avoiding staring as Jack stretched out in his chair.
“Ah, coffee- what I would have given for some of this quality last night!” Jack said with a further grin, taking a sip with an expression that bordered on the orgasmic.
“Working late, then?” Ianto asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. There hadn't been any inccidents yesterday, after all- and besides, such thoughts kept his mind off of the expression on Jack's face.
“Well, not really...” Jack said slyly. “I've, well, discovered a new pastime.”
“I can only hope that it's something decent, and wont get you arrested for public indecency.”
“Nothing of the sort- it's this computer game, called The Sims.”
“I may have heard of it.” Ianto said, only slightly warily.
“There are communities for people who play it online- it's great fun.” Jack said with a grin that could only be described as 'cheeky'.
“Sounds frightfully important.” Ianto said, hearing the sound of the Hub's main gate opening again. “I'll go make sure the terribly unimportant matters of the alien incursions of the day get seen to, and leave that task to you.”
“Whatever you say, Ianto.” Jack said as he walked out.
And he surely didn't say anything about needing to download a new suit as a skin. Because that just didn't make any sense at all, Ianto thought.
--
At precisely eight past nine in the morning, the doors opened up with their usual holler of lights and sirens, and Toshiko Sato walked into the Hub and headed straight for her work station, pausing only to hang up her coat on the handy coat rack that Jack said- and they all disbelieved on principle- that he had bought back in the nineties, and hadn't killed anyone for.
Only problem was that Jack was at her computer.
“Jack...?” She asked, approaching slowly. She'd never assume it really was Jack. Not after that one time with that shapeshifting rhino...thing. “Why are you at my computer?”
“Hm? Oh, hey Tosh.” He said, looking round and beaming in an offhand way. “My computer and I are having a little argument. Just needed to set things right.”
“An argu-” Tosh started to ask, before stopping herself. “Jack, what did you do to that computer?”
“...just downloading some stuff.”
“Jack.”
“Hey, only Ianto can use that tone of voice on me. Works especially well if he's done that thing with the tongue in the past day or so.”
Distracted by the sudden- and exceedingly detailed- mental images, Tosh failed to notice that Jack had slipped away before she could pry further.
“One of these days, Jack...” She murmured to herself as she sat down, finding her chair set too high, her keyboard at a wonky angle, and countless other things in disarray. Oh, he really was insufferable some of these days.
--
Somewhen in the morning- he wasn't quite sure of the time himself- Owen trudged into the Hub, glaring at the blaring sirens and lights, and doing his best not to snap at Gwen, who he had somehow managed to arrive at the same time as.
Even if she was blithering on about that bloody boyfriend of hers. Gah. Owen knew he damn well didn't kiss and tell. No, he had outrageously brilliant sex and was then insufferably smug about it, and simply said that he had a fantastic night. Which was the normal way of doing things. You didn't go on about your partner. You were meant to be quietly smug about it.
It was because she'd been a bloody police officer, Owen groused to himself as he made his way to the coffee machine, glaring at it all the way. Bloody thing once tried to eat his finger, and he wasn't about to let it think he'd forgotten.
“Rough night?” And there was Ianto, freshly brewed coffee ready to serve. If the bastard wasn't so politey rude, Owen might actually like him.
“Take a running jump.” Owen limited himself to saying. Didn't want his unkillable boss getting frowny at him. Especially not in the morning.
Returning to his desk with coffee in hand, he started going through the paperwork that he hadn't been bothered finishing last night. Bugger. He had an autopsy to do. Three of them. Bloody hell. What he wouldn't give for a better organisation, like Torchwood One had.
That way he could get an assistant he could bully, and make lewd remarks at, he thought as he trudged up to Jack's office (why did he get a separate room for his desk and computers and everything, anyway? Elitist bastard) to demand what body he should start work on first.
“Jack, question for you.”
“Got one of my own, Owen- is that your natural hair colour?”
“If it's what I put in my medical file, it is. Now, about these bodies-”
“Uh huh. Think I should download the University expansion? Because the thought of little you guys going there together sounds like it'd be fun.”
“...yeah. Okay then. Why not?” Owen said, starting to edge towards the door. And on top of everything, Jack had gone mad. “I'll just...pick a body to work on. Sure I'll get through them all today anyway.”
“Have fun, Owen- I know I will!” He said with a far too cheerful grin, and Owen bolted as best he could while still remaining somewhat dignified about the whole thing.
--
It was late in the morning when Gwen- with a little help from a vaguely protesting Owen- dragged a much protesting Tosh away from her workstation, claiming that she needed rest, otherwise her eyeballs would melt and end up in her chest, which is where other people's eyes were meant to end up.
Gwen didn't say it was also because she was bored due to the lack of alien activity in all of Cardiff for the past two weeks, except for that incident with the alien rhino and them all pretending to be trees. Besides, it was only a coffee and whatever-snack-was-in-the-snack-box break. Wouldn't do any harm.
Once the coffee was served, and the snacks- today it was these digestive biscuits with chocolate on them that Owen swore blind he hadn't bought for the team- Gwen chirped in by asking, “Is it me, or has Jack been acting a bit...odd?”
“You mean a bit insane?” Tosh asked instead.
“Insaner.” Owen mumbled to himself, glaring at the coffee as if there were something in it that had offended him. Gwen ignored him.
“Well, that's true I suppose. What do you think he's up to?”
“Something with the computer. He was acting all...odd about it. I don't think it's anything bad, but...”
“He's gone mad with power. We should throw him down a well.” Owen said, snatching a handful of biscuits for himself, and earning a light glare from Tosh for that. She did like those biscuits too. She had even told him so, that one time.
“Discussing me by the water cooler, eh?”
Everyone jumped at the sound of Jack's voice, as he materialised behind them. Except Owen, who had a mouthful of biscuit and a death glare directed at his boss as he went to the coffee machine, half turning to speak to them, “Oh, and Owen- you've been kidnapped by aliens.”
“Whuthahphuck?” Owen said, around the rapidly diminishing mouthful of biscuits.
“And you're pregnant now, too!”
“Thaphckinshet?”
All three stared dumbly at Jack as he vanished, before exchanging baffled glances with one another, except for Owen, who was looking like he wished he had a gun on him. Luckily there was a standing order to store all weapons in the appropriate weapons locker, ever since that incident with that patristic alien fungus.
“Ah. I see Jack has been explaining his latest hobby again.”
“Ianto!” Owen said- his mouth now empty of biscuits- pointing at the newly arrived Ianto. “Explain what the hell is going on, or I'll set fire to all your suits.”
Ianto, unfazed by this threat, merely said, “I believe it's a computer game called The Sims. He has become quite passionate about it, I do believe. ”
“...well, that makes sense then.” Tosh said, apparently satisfied with the answer. “Nice to see him enjoying himself, I suppose.”
“His exact words were 'It's as good as Tetris', Tosh. I think 'enjoyment' is a given in this instance.”
“Well. It's a good enough game, I suppose...maybe I should introduce him to some other games?” Tosh said, more to herself than anyone, getting a slightly distant look in her eyes, and completely missing Ianto's brief panicked expression. “Maybe Civilization...”
“That thing's boring, Tosh. Give him a good game.” Owen said abruptly, as he helped himself to the biscuits again- fortunately enough, only one this time, and not a fistful.
“Oh? And what do you play then?” Tosh asked icily.
“Halo. It's fun.”
“Halo? But that- You can't-”
“It's a fun game, all right? I get to shoot people. And insult their intelligence. Make them question their sexuality.”
“Well, Civilization is a game for people with intelligence. Not that you'd understand, you-”
“I liked to play Mario back when I was in school?” Gwen ventured, hoping to diffuse the argument, but instead getting a Tosh Death Glare herself.
“Which one?”
“...the one with stars?”
“That doesn't say anything! Come back to me when you've played the third game. And not a ROM either- play it on the original console!”
Gwen turned to Ianto, hoping he could save her from Tosh's frantic extolling of the original consoles, and something about a warp whistle, and winning the game in ten minutes. “So. Ianto. What do you...?”
“Oh, I'm staying out of this one. “ Ianto said, already making a sensible retreat from the scene, where Tosh was frantically scribbling out website addresses and the location of local games dealers, and forcing them into Gwen and Owen's unresisting hands. “I've found that one gamer is more than enough for me.”
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairing: The Torchwood Three team as a whole
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Assume it's set in the first half of Season Two, and you'll be grand.
Summary: Jack Harkness has learnt to enjoy all manner of things in his long life- and the local entertainment is certainly not excluded from this...
Disclaimer: The Beeb owns the whole thing, RTD guided their crafting, and I merely play with them in a manner that'd cause (I do so hope) an amused smirk or two from this little bit of crackfic
A/N: Blame/thank slytherykin for planting this gloriously cracktastic idea in my head about half a year ago.
Ianto had thought he was the first to enter the Hub this morning, but a light was clearly on in Jack's office, proving his idea incorrect. Ianto still wasn't sure if Jack ever left the building if it wasn't called for- but then, it wasn't like he was the master of him.
Ignoring the pleasant-yet-distracting thoughts that brought up, Ianto quickly checked the workstations and the odd family of couches that had somehow accumulated in the Hub for any sign of Tosh, who had a distressingly common habit of falling asleep at her desk or, if she was being sensible for once, on one of the couches.
Confirming that it was only the two of them in the Hub (Gwen and Owen never stayed in the Hub overnight if they could help it, which was sensible enough) Ianto promptly dealt with the most pressing issue of the morning; the making of the morning cup of coffee.
After several minutes of careful grinding of beans and pouring of water and adding of various mysterious substances that would baffle any observer- not that anyone in this building seemed to appreciate his talents in this field, of course- Ianto took the mug of fresh coffee up to his boss, who would no doubt appreciate it.
Provided he wasn't staring intently at his computer monitor. Which he was.
Repressing an exasperated sigh, Ianto placed the mug down on the desk a little too heavily, making an audible 'thud', and spilling some of the coffee in the process.
“Ah, Ianto,” Jack said, looking up with his typical smile. “Is it nine already, or have I temped you with the joys of getting in to work early?”
“You know the time very well.” Ianto said, pointedly avoiding the question, as well as pointedly avoiding staring as Jack stretched out in his chair.
“Ah, coffee- what I would have given for some of this quality last night!” Jack said with a further grin, taking a sip with an expression that bordered on the orgasmic.
“Working late, then?” Ianto asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. There hadn't been any inccidents yesterday, after all- and besides, such thoughts kept his mind off of the expression on Jack's face.
“Well, not really...” Jack said slyly. “I've, well, discovered a new pastime.”
“I can only hope that it's something decent, and wont get you arrested for public indecency.”
“Nothing of the sort- it's this computer game, called The Sims.”
“I may have heard of it.” Ianto said, only slightly warily.
“There are communities for people who play it online- it's great fun.” Jack said with a grin that could only be described as 'cheeky'.
“Sounds frightfully important.” Ianto said, hearing the sound of the Hub's main gate opening again. “I'll go make sure the terribly unimportant matters of the alien incursions of the day get seen to, and leave that task to you.”
“Whatever you say, Ianto.” Jack said as he walked out.
And he surely didn't say anything about needing to download a new suit as a skin. Because that just didn't make any sense at all, Ianto thought.
--
At precisely eight past nine in the morning, the doors opened up with their usual holler of lights and sirens, and Toshiko Sato walked into the Hub and headed straight for her work station, pausing only to hang up her coat on the handy coat rack that Jack said- and they all disbelieved on principle- that he had bought back in the nineties, and hadn't killed anyone for.
Only problem was that Jack was at her computer.
“Jack...?” She asked, approaching slowly. She'd never assume it really was Jack. Not after that one time with that shapeshifting rhino...thing. “Why are you at my computer?”
“Hm? Oh, hey Tosh.” He said, looking round and beaming in an offhand way. “My computer and I are having a little argument. Just needed to set things right.”
“An argu-” Tosh started to ask, before stopping herself. “Jack, what did you do to that computer?”
“...just downloading some stuff.”
“Jack.”
“Hey, only Ianto can use that tone of voice on me. Works especially well if he's done that thing with the tongue in the past day or so.”
Distracted by the sudden- and exceedingly detailed- mental images, Tosh failed to notice that Jack had slipped away before she could pry further.
“One of these days, Jack...” She murmured to herself as she sat down, finding her chair set too high, her keyboard at a wonky angle, and countless other things in disarray. Oh, he really was insufferable some of these days.
--
Somewhen in the morning- he wasn't quite sure of the time himself- Owen trudged into the Hub, glaring at the blaring sirens and lights, and doing his best not to snap at Gwen, who he had somehow managed to arrive at the same time as.
Even if she was blithering on about that bloody boyfriend of hers. Gah. Owen knew he damn well didn't kiss and tell. No, he had outrageously brilliant sex and was then insufferably smug about it, and simply said that he had a fantastic night. Which was the normal way of doing things. You didn't go on about your partner. You were meant to be quietly smug about it.
It was because she'd been a bloody police officer, Owen groused to himself as he made his way to the coffee machine, glaring at it all the way. Bloody thing once tried to eat his finger, and he wasn't about to let it think he'd forgotten.
“Rough night?” And there was Ianto, freshly brewed coffee ready to serve. If the bastard wasn't so politey rude, Owen might actually like him.
“Take a running jump.” Owen limited himself to saying. Didn't want his unkillable boss getting frowny at him. Especially not in the morning.
Returning to his desk with coffee in hand, he started going through the paperwork that he hadn't been bothered finishing last night. Bugger. He had an autopsy to do. Three of them. Bloody hell. What he wouldn't give for a better organisation, like Torchwood One had.
That way he could get an assistant he could bully, and make lewd remarks at, he thought as he trudged up to Jack's office (why did he get a separate room for his desk and computers and everything, anyway? Elitist bastard) to demand what body he should start work on first.
“Jack, question for you.”
“Got one of my own, Owen- is that your natural hair colour?”
“If it's what I put in my medical file, it is. Now, about these bodies-”
“Uh huh. Think I should download the University expansion? Because the thought of little you guys going there together sounds like it'd be fun.”
“...yeah. Okay then. Why not?” Owen said, starting to edge towards the door. And on top of everything, Jack had gone mad. “I'll just...pick a body to work on. Sure I'll get through them all today anyway.”
“Have fun, Owen- I know I will!” He said with a far too cheerful grin, and Owen bolted as best he could while still remaining somewhat dignified about the whole thing.
--
It was late in the morning when Gwen- with a little help from a vaguely protesting Owen- dragged a much protesting Tosh away from her workstation, claiming that she needed rest, otherwise her eyeballs would melt and end up in her chest, which is where other people's eyes were meant to end up.
Gwen didn't say it was also because she was bored due to the lack of alien activity in all of Cardiff for the past two weeks, except for that incident with the alien rhino and them all pretending to be trees. Besides, it was only a coffee and whatever-snack-was-in-the-snack-box break. Wouldn't do any harm.
Once the coffee was served, and the snacks- today it was these digestive biscuits with chocolate on them that Owen swore blind he hadn't bought for the team- Gwen chirped in by asking, “Is it me, or has Jack been acting a bit...odd?”
“You mean a bit insane?” Tosh asked instead.
“Insaner.” Owen mumbled to himself, glaring at the coffee as if there were something in it that had offended him. Gwen ignored him.
“Well, that's true I suppose. What do you think he's up to?”
“Something with the computer. He was acting all...odd about it. I don't think it's anything bad, but...”
“He's gone mad with power. We should throw him down a well.” Owen said, snatching a handful of biscuits for himself, and earning a light glare from Tosh for that. She did like those biscuits too. She had even told him so, that one time.
“Discussing me by the water cooler, eh?”
Everyone jumped at the sound of Jack's voice, as he materialised behind them. Except Owen, who had a mouthful of biscuit and a death glare directed at his boss as he went to the coffee machine, half turning to speak to them, “Oh, and Owen- you've been kidnapped by aliens.”
“Whuthahphuck?” Owen said, around the rapidly diminishing mouthful of biscuits.
“And you're pregnant now, too!”
“Thaphckinshet?”
All three stared dumbly at Jack as he vanished, before exchanging baffled glances with one another, except for Owen, who was looking like he wished he had a gun on him. Luckily there was a standing order to store all weapons in the appropriate weapons locker, ever since that incident with that patristic alien fungus.
“Ah. I see Jack has been explaining his latest hobby again.”
“Ianto!” Owen said- his mouth now empty of biscuits- pointing at the newly arrived Ianto. “Explain what the hell is going on, or I'll set fire to all your suits.”
Ianto, unfazed by this threat, merely said, “I believe it's a computer game called The Sims. He has become quite passionate about it, I do believe. ”
“...well, that makes sense then.” Tosh said, apparently satisfied with the answer. “Nice to see him enjoying himself, I suppose.”
“His exact words were 'It's as good as Tetris', Tosh. I think 'enjoyment' is a given in this instance.”
“Well. It's a good enough game, I suppose...maybe I should introduce him to some other games?” Tosh said, more to herself than anyone, getting a slightly distant look in her eyes, and completely missing Ianto's brief panicked expression. “Maybe Civilization...”
“That thing's boring, Tosh. Give him a good game.” Owen said abruptly, as he helped himself to the biscuits again- fortunately enough, only one this time, and not a fistful.
“Oh? And what do you play then?” Tosh asked icily.
“Halo. It's fun.”
“Halo? But that- You can't-”
“It's a fun game, all right? I get to shoot people. And insult their intelligence. Make them question their sexuality.”
“Well, Civilization is a game for people with intelligence. Not that you'd understand, you-”
“I liked to play Mario back when I was in school?” Gwen ventured, hoping to diffuse the argument, but instead getting a Tosh Death Glare herself.
“Which one?”
“...the one with stars?”
“That doesn't say anything! Come back to me when you've played the third game. And not a ROM either- play it on the original console!”
Gwen turned to Ianto, hoping he could save her from Tosh's frantic extolling of the original consoles, and something about a warp whistle, and winning the game in ten minutes. “So. Ianto. What do you...?”
“Oh, I'm staying out of this one. “ Ianto said, already making a sensible retreat from the scene, where Tosh was frantically scribbling out website addresses and the location of local games dealers, and forcing them into Gwen and Owen's unresisting hands. “I've found that one gamer is more than enough for me.”