fic: the elephant in the room
title: The Elephant in the Room
pairing: Matt Smith/Karen Gillan, also featuring Arthur Darvill (aka Rory)
words: 1918
rating: PG-13
note: Obviously this is Matt and Karen's fault for being cute all the frickin' time, and a bit of fallenmagic's too who I told the other day that I had an urge to write Matt/Karen RPF and instead of discouraging me responded with the exact opposite. Ergo not my fault :P
(Fic is written in a universe where Karen and Matt are both conveniently single. Fic also contains jokes from The Big Questions, Karen Interviews Matt and vice versa, and the Doctor Who Confidentials, all of which you've probably seen if you're as obsessed with them as I am. If you haven't, watch them all because they're very entertaining and this fic might make more sense to you if you do.)
The Elephant in the Room
It all started with that damn kiss scene.
She'd be lying if she said she hadn't looked forward to filming the scene in Amy Pond's bedroom. In fact, you could go as far as saying she was excited about it. Perhaps too excited...
She didn't know what to do with her hands as Amy swooped in for "smoochy smoochy time" with the Doctor, but she could have placed them anywhere other than Matt's inner thigh. Steven Moffat's Doctor Who might have welcomed penis jokes, but hands on inner thighs was probably taking it too far. What had Karen been thinking? Well, something along the lines of, that's Matt's thigh and I'd like to touch it, but she didn't have to actually go and do it, and in front of a camera crew!
Then she had the idiocy to lie about committing the crime. It only occurred until after insisting she definitely didn't grope Matt, that the whole thing had been caught on camera. They even played back the footage and made her watch it to embarrass her further. They were never going to let her live this down. The crew might eventually, but not Matt. And now he was telling everyone, including Doctor Who Confidential ("It's a secret, shhh..."), that he'd seduced her. Which, admittedly, was true, but she denied it nonetheless because nothing would make Matt's massive head more massive than him knowing he'd actually seduced her.
And then they had to get on with the kissing, and it had all gone to hell from there because Matt would annoyingly be an amazing kisser. And they would annoyingly have to kiss repeatedly a variety of ways until they'd filmed a kiss that felt right for the scene. And Karen would annoyingly fall bit by bit head over heels with Matt every time their lips collided.
And as they kissed for the fifth take, Matt pressed up against the TARDIS with his fingers running through Karen's luscious, long locks, Karen keeping her fingers firmly on Matt's chest and as far away from his thighs as possible, it was easy to put her feet in Amy's shoes right then because in that moment (and in every moment with Matt from that point on), she wanted Matt as much as Amy wanted the Doctor.
"It's okay, Kaz," Matt told Karen later, leaning against the TARDIS whilst they had a short break before more "smoochy smoochy time". "You're not the first woman I've worked with who's fallen for my charm." Karen was about to object that she hadn't done anything of the sort, when Matt gave an example. "Billie Piper, for instance, when we worked together on Secret Diary of a Call Girl."
"Oh please," Karen scoffed. "She is way out of your league."
"Oh, there's no denying how beautiful she is," Matt said, staring off into the distance. His eyes fell upon Karen. "You on the other hand..." He finished his sentence with a grimace, and Karen was about to grab a cushion from Amy's bed and wallop him with it seven or eight times, when Adam the director said, "Right, everyone, back to it. Places, please."
Karen could think of no better revenge then by biting him hard on the lip during the kiss on the next take, but instead of Matt uttering a cry of pain when Karen sank her teeth into his bottom lip, he drew out a moan (which caused her to moan). Now there was a reaction she hadn't expected.
"Cut!" Adam interrupted them, and they quickly pulled apart. Karen immediately hid her face behind her hair, missing the thoughtful look Matt gave her with his fingers touching his mouth.
"That was good," Adam said positively. "But maybe make it a little less... raunchy."
"Don't blame Karen," Matt said, who by then looked less introspective and more intent on taking the opportunity to poke fun at Karen. "She can't help it. She's got a crush on me--"
A cushion hit the doors of the TARDIS. Karen had thrown it at Matt's face, but he'd ducked in the nick of time.
"Let's call it a day," Adam decided, trying hard not to laugh at the pair of them. "We'll continue this tomorrow."
Karen collapsed face-first into Amy's bed and groaned. More kissing? She'd groped his thigh and bit his lip - what was next? Stroking his crotch? Only tomorrow would tell.
***
They were currently in Skenfrith filming the "Upper Leadworth" scenes for the seventh episode. It was "coffee breaky time" and Karen was doing The Belly Dance while listening to The White Stripes on her iPod. Matt and Arthur looked on in amusement.
"I'm thinkin' about my doorbell," Karen sang. "When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it?"
Karen stopped and looked at Matt expectantly. On cue, Matt stuck out his finger, pressed Karen's fake bellybutton with a "Ding dong!" and Karen giggled and carried on dancing. Arthur just shook his head like he was embarrassed to be seen with them.
"There's an elephant in the room," Arthur told Matt.
"You don't have to use jokes from the script, Arthur." Matt watched Karen shake her prosthetic bump. "You're naturally funny."
"I'm not talking about Chubs," Arthur gestured to Karen, who couldn't hear a thing with her headphones in.
Matt looked at Arthur and pointed to his ponytail.
"No, not the rat's tail," Arthur sighed.
Matt looked at Arthur and gestured to his pointy nose. Arthur shot Matt a glare.
"No, not my nose, Mr. Big Chin."
Matt had run out ideas. "Then what's the elephant in the room?"
"The unresolved sexual tension between you and Kazza," Arthur spelled it out to Matt.
"What unresolved sexual tension?" Matt played dumb.
"Oh come on. It's obvious she fancies you and you fancy her, otherwise you wouldn't pull her pigtails all the time."
"Pigtails? She's never worn her hair in pigtails, I would have noticed." Matt was distracted by Karen rubbing her bump against his side, and Matt put his hands on her belly and pushed her away. "Not now, Kaz, the adults are talking," he said, which thankfully Karen didn't hear, otherwise she would have ran at him and knocked him over with her fake pregnant bump.
"I don't mean actually pulling her pigtails," Arthur went on. "I mean constantly taking the piss out of her. That's a classic sign you like her."
Matt stared at Karen who was now rubbing her stomach and singing to it, like there was actually a little person inside of her. He smiled softly. Obviously Karen was completely bonkers, but he'd have to be blind, stupid or in denial not to notice those lovely long legs of hers and her enticing flame-coloured hair, and even when she was so fat ("Pregnant!") he could practically jog around her for exercise, she was still absolutely beautiful.
"We're like brother and sister," Matt said, as he often told the press.
Arthur made a face. "What kind of brother tells everyone he seduced his sister?"
A perfectly reasonable question, which Matt couldn't help but answer with, "An incestuous brother?"
"And that's what you want to be, is it?"
"No," Matt said, still staring at Karen. "I don't want to be her brother."
"Then do us all a favour and ring her doorbell, would you?"
Matt assumed that was a sexual euphemism of some sort.
"See," Matt said smugly, pulling on Arthur's ponytail. "Told you you don't need a script to be funny."
***
Karen hugged her knees to her chest, resisting the urge to stretch her legs over Matt's lap, sink into the sofa and sleep. But it wasn't the sofa that was making her comfortable - it was Matt sat in the middle, squashing Karen against a corner. By being his cheeky but charming self, even in the most nervous situations, like recording interviews that thousands of Doctor Who fans would watch, he put her at ease.
That was, until he asked the following question...
"How long have you had a crush on me?"
He'd pretended to read the question off his clipboard, like they were having a sleepover and gossiping about boy crushes. Now Karen knew the real reason behind Matt taking away the cushion resting on her legs - not because she was fidgeting too much, but so she had nothing to hide behind when he made her flustered. Although, she should have seen the question coming. It was a typical thing for Matt to say when the cameras were on them. He knew exactly which buttons to press when it came to teasing her. When he wasn't taking the mick out of her accent, or copying her hand gestures, or pushing the bellybutton of her prosthetic baby bump like a doorbell, he was saying she fancied him.
Which she did, but nonetheless she scrunched up her face at Matt and said in a scandalized voice, "What?"
Of course, he'd passed off the question as a joke. When Matt finally finished interviewing Karen and the cameras stopped recording, Karen turned to Matt and said, "Six months."
"Six months," Matt mimicked her in a silly voice, then he realized he had no idea what Karen meant. "Six months?" he repeated again in his own voice, looking at her curiously.
"Six months." Karen stared down at her stripy coloured socks. "That's how long I've had a crush on you."
Matt hadn't expected Karen to actually answer his question, and now he was staring at her with a dumb-founded look on his face.
"Say something," Karen pleaded, looking like she already regretted telling him the truth. "Anything, please." She waited for him to mock her as usual. Anything was better than the silence he was giving her.
After a long pause, Matt said, "Ask me."
Well, that didn't sound like mocking. "Ask you what?"
"Ask me how long I've had a crush on you."
"Oh." Karen looked surprised. "Um. How long have you had a crush on me?"
Matt thought back to one of the Big Questions they were asked, regarding what you could do in twenty minutes, other than save the world.
"What can you do for seven months, four days," Matt glanced at his wristwatch, "fifteen hours, thirty two minutes and fifteen seconds?" Sixteen, seventeen...
"Um..." She could cook and eat a lot of pizzas? "I dunno, what?"
"Fancy Karen Gillan."
Matt rested his head back against the sofa and looked at her adoringly. It was an unusually soppy moment between the two of them, no jokes, no hint of laughter. But the moment was ruined by Karen looking suspicious. "Are you making fun of me?"
Matt rolled his eyes, grabbed those never-ending legs of hers, put them on his lap and patted them. "For once, I'm not." It wouldn't last, however.
"Oh." Karen didn't know what to say, apart from, "Um..."
"Um," Matt impersonated her.
It was Karen's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh shut up."
Matt just laughed at her. "Make me."
Karen didn't need telling twice. She climbed on to Matt's lap and kissed him, making sure to bite his bottom lip because she knew how much he enjoyed that. If she'd known kissing him was the easiest method to shut him up, she would have done it ages ago.
"Hey," Karen pulled her mouth away from Matt's for a second. "I just thought of something we could do in twenty minutes."
"What?" Matt asked impatiently, keen to kiss her again.
Karen whispered something in Matt's ear. His face lit up.
"Oh, you rude thing." Matt flipped Karen onto her back and started to undress her.
pairing: Matt Smith/Karen Gillan, also featuring Arthur Darvill (aka Rory)
words: 1918
rating: PG-13
note: Obviously this is Matt and Karen's fault for being cute all the frickin' time, and a bit of fallenmagic's too who I told the other day that I had an urge to write Matt/Karen RPF and instead of discouraging me responded with the exact opposite. Ergo not my fault :P
(Fic is written in a universe where Karen and Matt are both conveniently single. Fic also contains jokes from The Big Questions, Karen Interviews Matt and vice versa, and the Doctor Who Confidentials, all of which you've probably seen if you're as obsessed with them as I am. If you haven't, watch them all because they're very entertaining and this fic might make more sense to you if you do.)
The Elephant in the Room
It all started with that damn kiss scene.
She'd be lying if she said she hadn't looked forward to filming the scene in Amy Pond's bedroom. In fact, you could go as far as saying she was excited about it. Perhaps too excited...
She didn't know what to do with her hands as Amy swooped in for "smoochy smoochy time" with the Doctor, but she could have placed them anywhere other than Matt's inner thigh. Steven Moffat's Doctor Who might have welcomed penis jokes, but hands on inner thighs was probably taking it too far. What had Karen been thinking? Well, something along the lines of, that's Matt's thigh and I'd like to touch it, but she didn't have to actually go and do it, and in front of a camera crew!
Then she had the idiocy to lie about committing the crime. It only occurred until after insisting she definitely didn't grope Matt, that the whole thing had been caught on camera. They even played back the footage and made her watch it to embarrass her further. They were never going to let her live this down. The crew might eventually, but not Matt. And now he was telling everyone, including Doctor Who Confidential ("It's a secret, shhh..."), that he'd seduced her. Which, admittedly, was true, but she denied it nonetheless because nothing would make Matt's massive head more massive than him knowing he'd actually seduced her.
And then they had to get on with the kissing, and it had all gone to hell from there because Matt would annoyingly be an amazing kisser. And they would annoyingly have to kiss repeatedly a variety of ways until they'd filmed a kiss that felt right for the scene. And Karen would annoyingly fall bit by bit head over heels with Matt every time their lips collided.
And as they kissed for the fifth take, Matt pressed up against the TARDIS with his fingers running through Karen's luscious, long locks, Karen keeping her fingers firmly on Matt's chest and as far away from his thighs as possible, it was easy to put her feet in Amy's shoes right then because in that moment (and in every moment with Matt from that point on), she wanted Matt as much as Amy wanted the Doctor.
"It's okay, Kaz," Matt told Karen later, leaning against the TARDIS whilst they had a short break before more "smoochy smoochy time". "You're not the first woman I've worked with who's fallen for my charm." Karen was about to object that she hadn't done anything of the sort, when Matt gave an example. "Billie Piper, for instance, when we worked together on Secret Diary of a Call Girl."
"Oh please," Karen scoffed. "She is way out of your league."
"Oh, there's no denying how beautiful she is," Matt said, staring off into the distance. His eyes fell upon Karen. "You on the other hand..." He finished his sentence with a grimace, and Karen was about to grab a cushion from Amy's bed and wallop him with it seven or eight times, when Adam the director said, "Right, everyone, back to it. Places, please."
Karen could think of no better revenge then by biting him hard on the lip during the kiss on the next take, but instead of Matt uttering a cry of pain when Karen sank her teeth into his bottom lip, he drew out a moan (which caused her to moan). Now there was a reaction she hadn't expected.
"Cut!" Adam interrupted them, and they quickly pulled apart. Karen immediately hid her face behind her hair, missing the thoughtful look Matt gave her with his fingers touching his mouth.
"That was good," Adam said positively. "But maybe make it a little less... raunchy."
"Don't blame Karen," Matt said, who by then looked less introspective and more intent on taking the opportunity to poke fun at Karen. "She can't help it. She's got a crush on me--"
A cushion hit the doors of the TARDIS. Karen had thrown it at Matt's face, but he'd ducked in the nick of time.
"Let's call it a day," Adam decided, trying hard not to laugh at the pair of them. "We'll continue this tomorrow."
Karen collapsed face-first into Amy's bed and groaned. More kissing? She'd groped his thigh and bit his lip - what was next? Stroking his crotch? Only tomorrow would tell.
***
They were currently in Skenfrith filming the "Upper Leadworth" scenes for the seventh episode. It was "coffee breaky time" and Karen was doing The Belly Dance while listening to The White Stripes on her iPod. Matt and Arthur looked on in amusement.
"I'm thinkin' about my doorbell," Karen sang. "When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it?"
Karen stopped and looked at Matt expectantly. On cue, Matt stuck out his finger, pressed Karen's fake bellybutton with a "Ding dong!" and Karen giggled and carried on dancing. Arthur just shook his head like he was embarrassed to be seen with them.
"There's an elephant in the room," Arthur told Matt.
"You don't have to use jokes from the script, Arthur." Matt watched Karen shake her prosthetic bump. "You're naturally funny."
"I'm not talking about Chubs," Arthur gestured to Karen, who couldn't hear a thing with her headphones in.
Matt looked at Arthur and pointed to his ponytail.
"No, not the rat's tail," Arthur sighed.
Matt looked at Arthur and gestured to his pointy nose. Arthur shot Matt a glare.
"No, not my nose, Mr. Big Chin."
Matt had run out ideas. "Then what's the elephant in the room?"
"The unresolved sexual tension between you and Kazza," Arthur spelled it out to Matt.
"What unresolved sexual tension?" Matt played dumb.
"Oh come on. It's obvious she fancies you and you fancy her, otherwise you wouldn't pull her pigtails all the time."
"Pigtails? She's never worn her hair in pigtails, I would have noticed." Matt was distracted by Karen rubbing her bump against his side, and Matt put his hands on her belly and pushed her away. "Not now, Kaz, the adults are talking," he said, which thankfully Karen didn't hear, otherwise she would have ran at him and knocked him over with her fake pregnant bump.
"I don't mean actually pulling her pigtails," Arthur went on. "I mean constantly taking the piss out of her. That's a classic sign you like her."
Matt stared at Karen who was now rubbing her stomach and singing to it, like there was actually a little person inside of her. He smiled softly. Obviously Karen was completely bonkers, but he'd have to be blind, stupid or in denial not to notice those lovely long legs of hers and her enticing flame-coloured hair, and even when she was so fat ("Pregnant!") he could practically jog around her for exercise, she was still absolutely beautiful.
"We're like brother and sister," Matt said, as he often told the press.
Arthur made a face. "What kind of brother tells everyone he seduced his sister?"
A perfectly reasonable question, which Matt couldn't help but answer with, "An incestuous brother?"
"And that's what you want to be, is it?"
"No," Matt said, still staring at Karen. "I don't want to be her brother."
"Then do us all a favour and ring her doorbell, would you?"
Matt assumed that was a sexual euphemism of some sort.
"See," Matt said smugly, pulling on Arthur's ponytail. "Told you you don't need a script to be funny."
***
Karen hugged her knees to her chest, resisting the urge to stretch her legs over Matt's lap, sink into the sofa and sleep. But it wasn't the sofa that was making her comfortable - it was Matt sat in the middle, squashing Karen against a corner. By being his cheeky but charming self, even in the most nervous situations, like recording interviews that thousands of Doctor Who fans would watch, he put her at ease.
That was, until he asked the following question...
"How long have you had a crush on me?"
He'd pretended to read the question off his clipboard, like they were having a sleepover and gossiping about boy crushes. Now Karen knew the real reason behind Matt taking away the cushion resting on her legs - not because she was fidgeting too much, but so she had nothing to hide behind when he made her flustered. Although, she should have seen the question coming. It was a typical thing for Matt to say when the cameras were on them. He knew exactly which buttons to press when it came to teasing her. When he wasn't taking the mick out of her accent, or copying her hand gestures, or pushing the bellybutton of her prosthetic baby bump like a doorbell, he was saying she fancied him.
Which she did, but nonetheless she scrunched up her face at Matt and said in a scandalized voice, "What?"
Of course, he'd passed off the question as a joke. When Matt finally finished interviewing Karen and the cameras stopped recording, Karen turned to Matt and said, "Six months."
"Six months," Matt mimicked her in a silly voice, then he realized he had no idea what Karen meant. "Six months?" he repeated again in his own voice, looking at her curiously.
"Six months." Karen stared down at her stripy coloured socks. "That's how long I've had a crush on you."
Matt hadn't expected Karen to actually answer his question, and now he was staring at her with a dumb-founded look on his face.
"Say something," Karen pleaded, looking like she already regretted telling him the truth. "Anything, please." She waited for him to mock her as usual. Anything was better than the silence he was giving her.
After a long pause, Matt said, "Ask me."
Well, that didn't sound like mocking. "Ask you what?"
"Ask me how long I've had a crush on you."
"Oh." Karen looked surprised. "Um. How long have you had a crush on me?"
Matt thought back to one of the Big Questions they were asked, regarding what you could do in twenty minutes, other than save the world.
"What can you do for seven months, four days," Matt glanced at his wristwatch, "fifteen hours, thirty two minutes and fifteen seconds?" Sixteen, seventeen...
"Um..." She could cook and eat a lot of pizzas? "I dunno, what?"
"Fancy Karen Gillan."
Matt rested his head back against the sofa and looked at her adoringly. It was an unusually soppy moment between the two of them, no jokes, no hint of laughter. But the moment was ruined by Karen looking suspicious. "Are you making fun of me?"
Matt rolled his eyes, grabbed those never-ending legs of hers, put them on his lap and patted them. "For once, I'm not." It wouldn't last, however.
"Oh." Karen didn't know what to say, apart from, "Um..."
"Um," Matt impersonated her.
It was Karen's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh shut up."
Matt just laughed at her. "Make me."
Karen didn't need telling twice. She climbed on to Matt's lap and kissed him, making sure to bite his bottom lip because she knew how much he enjoyed that. If she'd known kissing him was the easiest method to shut him up, she would have done it ages ago.
"Hey," Karen pulled her mouth away from Matt's for a second. "I just thought of something we could do in twenty minutes."
"What?" Matt asked impatiently, keen to kiss her again.
Karen whispered something in Matt's ear. His face lit up.
"Oh, you rude thing." Matt flipped Karen onto her back and started to undress her.