Why won't I?
I'm trying to just glide by and get by, and I end up just sinking in. That is what it feels like. My feet and legs are being completely pulled under and the deeper I get, the harder it will be to get back up. I think that I'm fooling myself or making it easier somehow by not really loving anything and not getting attached to things. "You keep us on our toes." I said that in a blog a long time ago and it just seems so distant right now. I feel like I've been asleep, but like a Tylenol PM induced sleep. Using something unnatural to just get out of feeling things. I need to move on. I need to do good things for myself. I need to write and share what I write. I need to DO what God is telling and encouraging me to do.
I started to pray earlier, asking God to show me love and grace. And I realized that He has already done this. I find Him in everything... in the music I listen to whether it was written for that purpose or not, in people I meet, who will never realize the good things they are doing in my life, in the books I read, and in everything in nature He created. So then I prayed that He would show me how to help others. And I realized that my great aunt is a missionary, I have at least 4 churches I'm associated with that I could (and should) be way more involved in, and that all the resources are there. I know plenty of wonderful charities and groups that I could work with, and I know about many of the horrible things that go on in this world. So then I prayed for His help in DOING. I want to pray for pain and discomfort for myself. Because if there is no peace for my brothers and sisters, then I cannot truly be at peace. I am compassionate. I am loving. I am intelligent. I was made this way. God made me this way.
I started to pray earlier, asking God to show me love and grace. And I realized that He has already done this. I find Him in everything... in the music I listen to whether it was written for that purpose or not, in people I meet, who will never realize the good things they are doing in my life, in the books I read, and in everything in nature He created. So then I prayed that He would show me how to help others. And I realized that my great aunt is a missionary, I have at least 4 churches I'm associated with that I could (and should) be way more involved in, and that all the resources are there. I know plenty of wonderful charities and groups that I could work with, and I know about many of the horrible things that go on in this world. So then I prayed for His help in DOING. I want to pray for pain and discomfort for myself. Because if there is no peace for my brothers and sisters, then I cannot truly be at peace. I am compassionate. I am loving. I am intelligent. I was made this way. God made me this way.