A long entry so get ready.

[timetorunboy]

Ever since Sept. 26,2004. I've kinda given up hope on God. I felt like if this what happens when your a christian I want nothing to do with it. Ever since then I've been living two lives. One where I'm a christian around certain people and another where I'm the biggest sinner you will ever meet. I was trying to have it both ways. I remembered last night while I was in the bed that you can't have it both ways. You have to choose one way or the other. Since that date I have done some stuff that I will forever regret doing. One of the biggest let downs was when I lost something that I used to care so much about. Don't get me wrong I've always wanted to do it but not like this. I cared so much about it that when I was begged for it I would not let it go; even for the girl of my dreams. It one thing I will never get back, because the someone will always have it. I feel so bad, I wanna change the way I've been. I'm sorry for the way I have acted towards everyone. I've been a jerk. I wanna go back to God. Because since Sept 26 I've been trying to make it on my own and I've done nothing but fail, and somehow dig myself into a deeper hole.

My best friend in the whole world leaves me again tomorrow. When I think about it I can't help but cry. I'm so sad right now. Just think that today will be the last time I will see him before he goes to Iraq. I love you Adam Copeland. "Kick there Ass!!!" I'm so proud of you.

Jan. 12, 2004 ---- the best and worse day of my life. I lost a friend for a while. But I gained a wonderful relationship with an amazing young lady.

Chris