it had been a long time since i had a night like this.
i was driving somewhere, there were trees i am sure of... i couldn't get my head lights to work. it was night and this was terrifying. i'm sure i was drunk. i could have been really tired but that wouldn't explain the sudden 'come to' of being concious. i felt as if something sliding under the tires is what caused this sudden sobriety, if you can call it that - sobriety or sliding - i feel are both too gentle of words to describe what was actually happening. and why couldn't i get my headlights to work!? i saw a deer running away from my suv down the road... route 29 it was, at some point after turning right once over the unused train tracks. i always thought the sign telling people not to turn onto the actual tracks was amusing. another car was coming in the opposite direction - i tried to flash my lights to let them know there was someone on the road, surely they couldn't see me with my lights off. in retrospect they must have seen me because the vehicle they were driving did not have any lights either - this fact had escaped me until now. we cleared each other without a hitch and i found a clearing to pull over onto. the moon was so bright. i love nights like these, you can walk through a field and feel like god left a night light on for you. or a night lite - which i highly disagree with but i think some people will identify with that spelling more, unfortunately. there was indeed a headlight hanging from it's socket like an eye plucked from the face. there was damage to the fender i noticed, and as i rounded the front saw there was indeed a giant lump in the far side as if the front of my truck were made of playdough and i had driven right into an eight foot big banana. by now the sun had risen enough to not need my headlights. i probably knew at heart when i became concious that i had indeed hit something - i just prayed it was that deer's sister or mother and not a person out for a late night stroll. i tried not to think about it and all that this meant - about my decisions and the style of living i had begin to feel dangerously comfortable with. i headed down the road and found myself at a hotel, i couldn't make the rest of the trip back to my parents house like this, i was terrified something was going to fall off the car or worse, it would have been a person i had hit, killed, and left behind and my car would obviously draw attention as a suspect.
my room i had made my own, i had originally gotten just a night but extended my stay and had them every morning just add the next night until i come to check out. i wanted to switch over to a weekly rate, i thought to myself as i walked out the doors and passed the clerk's window. my two friends had just arrived and i made plans to meet them at this spectacular grocery store - everything was unbelievably cheap but they always had a different selection (some people saw this as a bad thing, i thought it made the shopping experience a bit more exciting.) of strange and exotic foods, in addition to a few regular things we were excited about like ground turkey. we had in our basket ginger roots, coconuts, a wheel of smoked gouda, i had just put in the ground turkey. it slipped right into a swell between the handles - i must correct myself, it was a canvas bag we had - not a basket. i couldn't see most of what they had gathered before i got there but i knew it was going to be a good night of eating. it always is with these two (friends of mine).
i had taken a nap and woke suddenly, i went into the bathroom and wondered to myself why they had booked another room instead of just staying with me. i had my own bedroom, they could use the sofa bed in the living room - which the door to was ajar. i've never been able to sleep with doors anything but closed. cracked to wide open just doesn't work, perhaps my body had registered the sound of a door opening and woke itself. probably not but it might be an interesting thing to think about later. i had intended on just going to their room and telling them they should just stay with me but things didn't work out this way at all. i walked cautiously with my body but carelessly with my mind toward the door. it opened into my room and the hinges were closer to me than the handle eliminating any sort of view into the living room. this was a nice hotel i tell you. what was i doing here? i couldn't afford this...
i forget what it was that made me get on my hands and knees but i was crawling toward the front door of my room. i didn't think it was nearly as strange that this door was considerably open - not quite fully but at least 75degrees to the frame - until i saw that someone had poked the cylinder out of the lock and it lay on the floor next to me. ah, it was the smoke. it had been coming in from the hallway. billowing even. i went out to the hall, i had a view down the stairs which were right there - they went down in four segments one floor to the lobby. there was a wretched commotion down there. this fifth segment of stairs to my left went up another 1/4 floor to the next room whose door was also slightly open but its lock had not been poked out. i made my way up there quickly and stealthily as if i were in a combat zone, half crouched, running along the wall. i crept through the door and into a cloud. if clouds are anything like this heaven will not be as pleasant as it's made to be. the smoke seemed to be coming from here, it certainly wasn't coming in from anywhere but i couldn't see any source. there was a teenage girl in a blue robe/night gown who was sitting with her knees halfway to her chest, he was visibly upset with her arms wrapped under the backs of her knees. before i had made this assessment i caught myself looking up her gown. not because i had noticed the burnt, black leech looking things all over her legs but because i hoped to get a glimpse of her parting flesh. when i did notice those black monstrosities on her legs i realized my view had been obstructed by the smoke coming from under her gown. my confusion was broken when her mother started to come in toward me, she also in tears. i immediately felt ashamed of my reflexive desires.
i was now wholly consumed in fear and panic - never before had my past been so clearly wiped from my present existence.
"what's happening?" i asked. she seemed so utterly terrified i saw myself as a cat waking from a nap with a quick look around before peacefully going back to sleep with no cares in the world.
she responded in a barely audible but horribly shaky whipser, with great pauses to piece together her thought; explaining to me the situation didn't seem to be top priority for her.
"there's a resident here who is trying to lure every one in to
the "to" she finished with wasn't leading to a location as i expected; she didn't have to tell me where, i was already in. it was an action she was about to describe but never got the chance, at least to me.
'parting flesh' is a term borrowed from e.e. cummings. it felt entirely inappropriate to reference this in the writing, maybe even slightly disrespectful in it's use in contrast to its original context. no other word i tried felt correct.
i'm not sure how i feel about the last paragraph, "the 'to' she finished with...". it was something i felt should be added to give a more solid idea of how the dream ended even though that paragraph is speculation.
my room i had made my own, i had originally gotten just a night but extended my stay and had them every morning just add the next night until i come to check out. i wanted to switch over to a weekly rate, i thought to myself as i walked out the doors and passed the clerk's window. my two friends had just arrived and i made plans to meet them at this spectacular grocery store - everything was unbelievably cheap but they always had a different selection (some people saw this as a bad thing, i thought it made the shopping experience a bit more exciting.) of strange and exotic foods, in addition to a few regular things we were excited about like ground turkey. we had in our basket ginger roots, coconuts, a wheel of smoked gouda, i had just put in the ground turkey. it slipped right into a swell between the handles - i must correct myself, it was a canvas bag we had - not a basket. i couldn't see most of what they had gathered before i got there but i knew it was going to be a good night of eating. it always is with these two (friends of mine).
i had taken a nap and woke suddenly, i went into the bathroom and wondered to myself why they had booked another room instead of just staying with me. i had my own bedroom, they could use the sofa bed in the living room - which the door to was ajar. i've never been able to sleep with doors anything but closed. cracked to wide open just doesn't work, perhaps my body had registered the sound of a door opening and woke itself. probably not but it might be an interesting thing to think about later. i had intended on just going to their room and telling them they should just stay with me but things didn't work out this way at all. i walked cautiously with my body but carelessly with my mind toward the door. it opened into my room and the hinges were closer to me than the handle eliminating any sort of view into the living room. this was a nice hotel i tell you. what was i doing here? i couldn't afford this...
i forget what it was that made me get on my hands and knees but i was crawling toward the front door of my room. i didn't think it was nearly as strange that this door was considerably open - not quite fully but at least 75degrees to the frame - until i saw that someone had poked the cylinder out of the lock and it lay on the floor next to me. ah, it was the smoke. it had been coming in from the hallway. billowing even. i went out to the hall, i had a view down the stairs which were right there - they went down in four segments one floor to the lobby. there was a wretched commotion down there. this fifth segment of stairs to my left went up another 1/4 floor to the next room whose door was also slightly open but its lock had not been poked out. i made my way up there quickly and stealthily as if i were in a combat zone, half crouched, running along the wall. i crept through the door and into a cloud. if clouds are anything like this heaven will not be as pleasant as it's made to be. the smoke seemed to be coming from here, it certainly wasn't coming in from anywhere but i couldn't see any source. there was a teenage girl in a blue robe/night gown who was sitting with her knees halfway to her chest, he was visibly upset with her arms wrapped under the backs of her knees. before i had made this assessment i caught myself looking up her gown. not because i had noticed the burnt, black leech looking things all over her legs but because i hoped to get a glimpse of her parting flesh. when i did notice those black monstrosities on her legs i realized my view had been obstructed by the smoke coming from under her gown. my confusion was broken when her mother started to come in toward me, she also in tears. i immediately felt ashamed of my reflexive desires.
i was now wholly consumed in fear and panic - never before had my past been so clearly wiped from my present existence.
"what's happening?" i asked. she seemed so utterly terrified i saw myself as a cat waking from a nap with a quick look around before peacefully going back to sleep with no cares in the world.
she responded in a barely audible but horribly shaky whipser, with great pauses to piece together her thought; explaining to me the situation didn't seem to be top priority for her.
"there's a resident here who is trying to lure every one in to
the "to" she finished with wasn't leading to a location as i expected; she didn't have to tell me where, i was already in. it was an action she was about to describe but never got the chance, at least to me.
'parting flesh' is a term borrowed from e.e. cummings. it felt entirely inappropriate to reference this in the writing, maybe even slightly disrespectful in it's use in contrast to its original context. no other word i tried felt correct.
i'm not sure how i feel about the last paragraph, "the 'to' she finished with...". it was something i felt should be added to give a more solid idea of how the dream ended even though that paragraph is speculation.